Monday 6 October 2008

Oral Bullets

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This cartoon was in part inspired by a joke I heard a stand-up comic tell when I was a kid, way back in the late 1900s. It might have been the legendary Robert Klein, but I can't swear to it.

The comedian describes seeing a man catch a bullet in his teeth in a stage act and wonders how you learn to do such a thing. "All right, I'm going to toss you the bullet a couple of times, and you catch it in your teeth." He pantomimes an underhand lob. "Very good, now this one is for real," as he pantomimes loading the bullet into a pistol.

I've always loved that gag and it crossed my mind again when I was doing this beginner's golf lesson. I enjoyed caddying for my dad when I was a kid, but have never played golf myself. I'm sure it's fun, I like games and sports, but I'm so busy that I've always thought that the last thing I need in my life is a five-hour hobby. Maybe when I'm retired.

Speaking of "games and sports," I'd like to say that not all games are sports and vice versa. Football is a game and a sport. Marathon running is a sport but not a game. Checkers is a game but not a sport.

I mention this as a way of telling ESPN to STOP PUTTING POKER ON TV. Poker is not a sport and does not belong on a sports channel. If I want to watch people play cards, I'll go to a nursing home.

Flowing Fool


(Click the chart to make it bigger and see it gooder)

This fairly brilliant flow chart was created by Aden Nak. My only regret is that her appalling habit of winking into the camera is not represented.