Trick or Treat

A Happy Halloween Ten of a Kind (with apologies to everyone's favorite Little Stuffed Bull)

Friday Night Fights: Captain America vs. Bank Robber

from Avengers Classic #4 (2007). Art by Michael Avon Oeming. Story by Dwayne McDuffie.

Who has Feet of Fury? Cap!

(click pic for larger)

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this morning. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
2 (-). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb
3 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
4 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
6 (-). The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks
7 (N). Tales from the Crypt #8: Diary of a Stinky Dead Kid
8 (-1). Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth
9 (-). Watchmen
10 (-2). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5)
11 (+6). Dilbert: 2010 Day-to-Day Calendar
12 (-1). Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1
13 (+18). Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds HC
14 (+1). Masterpiece Comics
15 (+6). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
16 (N). Vampire Knight, Vol. 8 *
17 (+13). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
18 (+17). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
19 (-5). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
20 (+13). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
21 (+1). Simon's Cat
22 (+2). Asterios Polyp
23 (N). Black Bird, Vol. 2 *
24 (-11). 14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box: A Dilbert Book
25 (-2). Batman: The Killing Joke
26 (-10). V for Vendetta
27 (R). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
28 (-16). R. Crumb's Heroes of Blues, Jazz, & Country
29 (-2). Jack of Fables Vol. 6: The Big Book of War
30 (-20). Stitches: A Memoir
31 (-11). The TOON Treasury of Classic Children's Comics
32 (+17). The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
33 (+14). B.P.R.D. Volume 11: The Black Goddess
34 (-5). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
35 (-10). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
36 (-). Tumor Chapter 1 (kindle)
37 (R). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
38 (N). Negima!: Magister Negi Magi, Vol. 24
39 (-20). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
40 (N). Pride and Prejudice
41 (R). Hellboy Library Edition Volume 3: Conqueror Worm And Strange Places
42 (+4). Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 2 *
43 (N). Scalped Vol. 5: High Lonesome
44 (R). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
45 (R). Batman: The Long Halloween
46 (-18). The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2: From the Bastille to Baghdad
47 (R). The Sandman Vol. 3: Dream Country
48 (-22). Naruto, Volume 46
49 (R). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
50 (N). Fables Deluxe Edition Vol. 1

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days slips a bit more down to #7 on the overall list, with R. Crumb's Genesis not much further away at #12; but with Genesis's first print now sold out, we might see it slip a good deal unless a second printing can be put out soon (buyers tend to shy away when Amazon says availability is '1 to 3 months').

* The highest debut, at #7, comes as a bit of a surprise; perhaps the Wimpy Kid parody cover is giving Tales from the Crypt #8 a push?

* Three manga debuts hit the chart this week. Other debuts are Marvel's Pride and Prejudice collection; the latest Scalped collection, and (squeaking in at #50) a Fables deluxe hardcover.

* I'm just as mystified by Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds shooting up the Amazon charts as you are.

Halloween Mega-mix

Here's a mix of Halloween music I put together using 8tracks.com

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

A horde of red-eyed monkeys threatens on Les McClaine's cover to The Middleman #4 (2005).


Image courtesy of the Comic Book DB. Click on the image for a larger version.

VACATE THE BUILDING

Sorry to say I'll not be posting blogs until November 1. It's my favorite (and least lucrative) task of the day but I'm taking a week off in an attempt to remember what it is like to relax.

Of course, my Bizarro deadlines don't take a week off, so I've had to work double hard in advance to clear my schedule. By the time my vacation starts, I'll be too tired to enjoy it. It's the American way!

Hope you'll drop back by next week when I'll have pictures and stories to tell of our ascent to the motel (pictured above) at the top of Mount Everest. Wish us luck!

Puns of Steel

(Why not click the image and make it bigger?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Attack of the Condom People.

People occasionally submit cartoon ideas to me via email and puns are the most common sort I get. Puns are too easy so I'm not fond of using them in Bizarro unless they are particularly original or facilitate a funny picture. Still, there is often something a little unsatisfying about a pun and I don't want readers to feel cheated, so I recently decided to save them up and occasionally use the best ones in groups of three on Sundays.

In this installment, I think the two on the right are easily good enough to stand alone. The one in the middle was suggested to me as "Hell's Anglers" instead of "Angels," with some bikers fishing. I added the caption at the bottom. The one on the right was conceived and written in its entirety by my friend and occasional collaborator, Cliff Harris, who also came up with the Sunday Puzzler from a few weeks ago. Cliff is has a strange way with language. The "Martial Arts" gag came from a reader but I don't remember in what form. It's not a particularly original pun, but it warrants a funny picture.

If you have what you think is a great pun (unusual, funny, unexpected) and you'd like to see it in a future Sunday Punnies, send it to me: piraro@earthlink.net. It MUST be original (in that you thought of it yourself, didn't hear/see it somewhere else) and you must agree that if I draw it, you won't get compensation or credit (other than blog glory!) and I'll own the copyright. I'll send you some trading cards or an autographed print of the cartoon or something, though.

Until tomorrow, thanks for learning to read. It makes you so much more fun to write for.

We Are All Hitler

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Truth.

If there is one thing the children of America are learning it is that if you don't like something, compare it to Hitler. I wish I had known this when I was a kid. So many times I was told to go to my room and think about what I'd done (just like Hitler used to do to the Jews!) and even though I was angry and felt I was being treated unfairly, I did not know to compare my parents to Hitler. Live and learn.

The political discourse in our beloved U.S. of A. has become so ludicrous that it can barely be satirized. Still, I hope I've done a decent job here. The sort of things some Americans are teaching their children with the dreck they plaster on signs and march up and down the streets with is appalling, and we will all suffer the consequences of these drones when they grow up and inflict their warped sensibilities on society in more robust ways. Many will even have their own TV shows.

I think most Americans are still relatively sensible and don't equate Obama's efforts to help people other than the uber-rich with Hitler, but they don't get the media coverage. So it's the media's fault. The media are Hitler.

To be honest, I'm not sure who is Hitler, but I'm sure he's out there. Lurking, waiting to make his move. Get ready for mandatory mustaches, people.

NOTE: Good news at Bizarro Headquarters: I did not die yesterday afternoon. So there will be no theories about whether yesterday's post was a prophecy or a suicide note in disguise. I'm not planning to leave the house today, increasing my chances of living another 24 hours, so everyone can relax. If I get to feeling woozy or anything, I'll post an emergency paragraph or two before I call 911. Stay tuned.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this morning. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
2 (+3). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb
3 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
4 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
5 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
6 (+1). The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks
7 (-1). Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth
8 (-). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5)
9 (+1). Watchmen
10 (+2). Stitches: A Memoir
11 (-2). Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1
12 (N). R. Crumb's Heroes of Blues, Jazz, & Country
13 (+17). 14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box: A Dilbert Book
14 (+12). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
15 (+29). Masterpiece Comics
16 (-). V for Vendetta
17 (+4). Dilbert: 2010 Day-to-Day Calendar
18 (+11). Absolute Death
19 (+1). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
20 (R). The TOON Treasury of Classic Children's Comics
21 (+17). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
22 (N). Simon's Cat
23 (+9). Batman: The Killing Joke
24 (-6). Asterios Polyp
25 (-3). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
26 (-11). Naruto, Volume 46
27 (N). Jack of Fables Vol. 6: The Big Book of War
28 (-5). The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2: From the Bastille to Baghdad
29 (R). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
30 (+3). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
31 (N). Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds HC *
32 (+5). The Best American Comics 2009
33 (-6). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
34 (-6). Batman: Year One
35 (-21). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
36 (-17). Tumor Chapter 1 (kindle)
37 (R). Astonishing X-Men Omnibus
38 (R) Parker: The Hunter
39 (N). The Wolverton Bible
40 (+7). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
41 (-6). Marvel Encyclopedia
42 (-11). The Complete Persepolis
43 (+5). The Arrival
44 (-2). The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz HC
45 (N). Captain America: Road to Reborn *
46 (N). Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 2 *
47 (N). B.P.R.D. Volume 11: The Black Goddess *
48 (N). Scientific Progress Goes 'Boink': A Calvin and Hobbes Collection
49 (-9). The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
50 (-14). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days fell to #4 on the overall bestsellers list (due in some part to the Amazon-Walmart book price war which is pushing some hardcovers down to just $9) but that's still plenty enough to keep it at #1 on the Comics & Grpahic Novels chart. The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb is at #16 on the overall chart, while the other Wimpy Kid volumes check in at #43, #51 & #64.

* Following on the heels of his Bible adaptation, R. Crumb's Heroes of Blues, Jazz, & Country is the highest debut at #12. The Wolverton Bible pops in at #39, no doubt also riding the underground-cartoonist's-bible-adaptation zeitgeist.

* Simon's Cat, apparently a cartoon book based on a series of YouTube videos, debuts at #22; the latest Jack of Fables debuts at #27 & Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds debuts at #31. Four more collections peek in with debuts near the bottom of the list.

WINNER of CONTEST #9!!!!

This week's contest was won at 10 minutes after the hour and all three of our winning contestants are new. (Last week I think the second or third place winner had won first place the week before.)

Congrats to Ilibbus for first place and Debbie and Maddy at second and third.

Here is a list of the correct answers:
1. Missing gun on white-hat cowboy
2. Added gun on black-hat cowboy
3. Bunny picture changed
4. Drink becomes camera
5. Shoe in picture reverses
6. Sideburn is missing
7. Cigarette is gone
8. Different neck tie
9. Eyeball on floor moves
10. Belt buckle changes
11. S in Saloon is reversed
12. Cowboy's eye is facing us
13. Dynamite becomes hot dog
14. Woman is cyclops
15. Woman has bird toes

One common mistake that people made was to cite the eyeball on the floor as two changes instead of one: eyeball on left, missing eyeball on right. The correct interpretation was just that it had moved, so it only counted as one difference. In case you're wondering, objects don't have to be interpreted correctly to qualify as a correct answer, as long as you spot them as a difference. For instance, one entry mentioned that the woman outside had carrots for toes, not realizing they were supposed to be bird toes. No biggy, still counts as correct.

Hope you'll join me again next week for more another contest and each day for unpredictable shenanigans and mayhem.

CONTEST #9

Click on the cartoon contest image below to enlarge.

RULES, ETC:
As usual, the top image is the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it has been changed. Your mission, if you are a groovy dude or chick, is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will not be too subtle, so once you spot one you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "I think that guy has one extra whisker. Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the contest post wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD persons with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.

Enjoy and good luck! Click on the image to enlarge...

Deconstructing Death

Bizarro is brought to you today by this guy.

I've often thought I'd rather die than go to prison, especially for a very long time, and super especially if I was old and there was no real chance of getting out before I died.

But then, when actually faced with the moment of truth, I'm guessing I'd just go to prison and deal with it like most people do, rather than offing myself. Unless you've got a special set of chemical and emotional conditions in your head, suicide is pretty much the hardest thing in the world to do. Millions of years of evolution have designed us to think that staying alive is the single most important objective, next to reproducing. Intellectually, it is easy for me to talk myself out of both of those premises, recognizing them as biological features that have singular goals which I do not necessarily share.

Even though I reproduced a couple of times (long ago), I'm not one to think that it makes any difference whatsoever whether my bloodline or my name or my genes carry on. I don't care one way or the other, it's all a speck of dust in the universe. Nor do I honestly believe that it makes any difference if I live for another 45 years or die this afternoon. (Although if I do die this afternoon after having written this blog, it will give birth to volumes of conspiracy theories and false assumptions. I, for one, still believe Andy Kaufman's death was a hoax and he's going to make a grand comeback any day now.)

I can feel sorry for those who love me having to endure my loss, but it won't matter to me or to the world, in any meaningful way. (Nor will I even know I'm dead, much as I didn't know I hadn't been born yet 500 years ago) My readers will lament the loss of my cartoons for a short while, then move on. Whatever.

I'm not trying to solicit sympathy or be depressing, I'm not depressed at all, in fact. I'm just explaining my take on death. In an intellectual sense, it just doesn't bother me. That's not to say I want to die, of course, I don't. At least not while life is still relatively enjoyable. If Sarah Palin is ever elected president, however, that may change.

On a side note, I didn't do this on purpose but I think the lawyer in this cartoon looks a lot like Craig Crawford of Congressional Quarterly, a regular guest on the Keith Olbermann show.

Don't miss today's contest, posted at 4pm, NYC time. Ciao, baby.

CONTEST LATER TODAY!!!!!!!

Today, at four (4) o'clock (of the clock) p.m. (prementsrual) NYC time (New York City time) this week's contest will be posted.

Tell your friends, tell your family, call your favorite news channel, wear it on your T-shirt. It's ON, suckers.

For previous contest rules, to which today's will be similar if not identical, click the bunny. (Bunny)

Not Nuts

My madre unt padre are in NYC visiting, leaving later today, so again I find myself short of time for a lengthy blog.

Their submarine leaves from the Brooklyn Navy Yard this afternoon, so I'll catch up later today or tomorrow. Promise.

You're so sweet for understanding.

Delicious Dog

Bizarro is brought to you today by TBA.

I'm on deadline today, but I've been out of town all weekend and haven't posted anything new, so here's a quick cartoon for you.

I'll post comments and funny ha ha big yucks and links later this afternoon or evening.

Ciao, baby.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Stupor Duck defeats Gruesome Gorilla on Dave Alvarez & Mike DeCarlo's cover to Looney Tunes #170 (2009).

(Standard disclaimer about gorillas who can be beaten up by ducks not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the Comic Book DB. Click on the image for a larger version.

Groovy Grass

(To make the image, like, all big and awesome, click the row of seats.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Extremely Slow Dogs.

After this cartoon ran in the papers, a few emails arrived at Bizarro Headquarters from confused readers. They understood the joke just fine, they were just confused in general. One person wasn't sure why they had married the person they did, another was confused about when to file his estimated tax payments. I answered their questions as well as I could and thanked them for writing.

Meanwhile, this cartoon is more easily understood if you look carefully at the picture. A man is putting soil and grass seed into a washing machine and a woman is stacking squares of sod on top of the dryers at a place called "Bermuda Lawndromat." "Bermuda," of course, is a popular species of grass.

I'm off to Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary for a weekend fundraiser. The weather looks dreadful, cold with a possibility of snow. Not what we were hoping for, but we'll manage. Hope you enjoy your weekend, wherever you are. As always, stay out of jail and keep your teeth in your mouth.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
2 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (+3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (+2). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
6 (-4). Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth
7 (-4). The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks
8 (+1). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5)
9 (-1). Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1 *
10 (-). Watchmen
11 (+23). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
12 (+18). Stitches: A Memoir
13 (+31). Hellboy Library Edition Volume 3: Conqueror Worm And Strange Places
14 (+13). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
15 (+11). Naruto, Volume 46
16 (+32). V for Vendetta
17 (N). The Amazing Spider-Man Pop-Up: Marvel True Believers Retro Collection
18 (-1). Asterios Polyp
19 (-). Tumor Chapter 1 (kindle)
20 (-2). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
21 (+11). Dilbert: 2010 Day-to-Day Calendar
22 (-). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
23 (-). The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2: From the Bastille to Baghdad
24 (+7). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
25 (-9). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
26 (-13). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
27 (-2). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
28 (-13). Batman: Year One
29 (R). Absolute Death
30 (-19). 14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box: A Dilbert Book *
31 (R). The Complete Persepolis
32 (-18). Batman: The Killing Joke
33 (-21). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
34 (+1). Berserk Volume 31 *
35 (-7). Marvel Encyclopedia
36 (R). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
37 (R). The Best American Comics 2009
38 (+2). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
39 (N). Tee Time in Berzerkistan: A Doonesbury Book *
40 (-3). The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
41 (N). The Complete Peanuts 1967-1970 Box Set
42 (+4). The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz HC
43 (N). Dog Style Volume 3
44 (-23). Masterpiece Comics
45 (R). Yotsuba&!, Vol. 6
46 (-8). Locke & Key: Head Games
47 (+3). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
48 (-7). The Arrival
49 (R). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
50 (-30). Bloom County: Complete Library Volume 2 *


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days is not just top on the Comics & Graphic Novels charts, it's also the #1 book overall on Amazon. It outsells Sarah Palin & Dan Brown & Stephen King (at the 2, 3, & 4 slots respectively). The Last Straw weighs in at #24 on the overall chart, the first volume is at #44, and Roderick Rules is at #50.

* What to make of the block of #11-16, all of which made huge jumps up the chart this week?

* The highest debut belongs to The Amazing Spider-Man Pop-Up, published by Candlewick. In fact, the only two entries on the top 50 that feature Marvel's super-heroes are published by entities other than Marvel (The Marvel Encyclopedia comes from DK Publishers). I suspect that Marvel's new corporate overlords will have something to say about this state of affairs...

* Other debuts this wee are a Doonesbury collection, an older Complete Peanuts Box Set, and the 3rd volume of Dog Style, which appears to be a Yaoi title.

WINNER of CONTEST #8!!!

This week's contest took around 10 minutes to solve.

Grand Prize: GIANT

2nd Prize: HA HA HA WHOOPS

3rd Prize: SHIRL


For a list of the differences, see the comments section of the previous contest post, wherein I posted GIANT's winning entry. Congrats to the winners and thanks to all who played!


One funny thing: I noticed while judging the entries that there were actually 16 differences, my mistake, so I awarded anyone who listed 15 correct differences. For obvious reasons, everyone stopped looking after they found 15. Doesn't change the contest any, just makes it 1/16 easier to win, I guess.

Next Thursday, another contest! WOW!!!

CONTEST #8

Click on the cartoon contest image below to enlarge.

RULES, ETC:
As usual, the top image is the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it has been changed. Your mission, if you are courageous enough to conquer it, is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will not be too subtle, so once you spot one you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "I think the shadow of the coffee cup is a little darker. Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the contest post wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD persons with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.

Enjoy and good luck!

Pick up. Pick up.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Modern Phone Technology.

This cartoon was originally going to have a different caption: "What are you wearing?"

I still think that's a funny caption but once drawn up, it seemed really creepy to have a child saying this, my editor agreed and I changed it to this less pedophilic punch line. That's the nature of the business.

At the risk of sounding like an old timer, I cannot believe how far phone technology has come in my lifetime. Until I was a teenager, you had to dial a phone with that rotary thing, which was an arduous and deafeningly noisy task. There was no such thing as a cordless phone, so you had to stand wherever the phone was. The wires were not detachable, either, and you couldn't switch it off.

We thought the "future" had arrived when they invented extra long curly cords that went from your phone to your handset. But those looked like a bowl of dried spaghetti within a couple of months and you were back to standing next to the phone.

Voice mail and answering machines didn't exist, of course. An answering machine was anyone you could talk into answering the phone so you wouldn't have to get up. I was my parents' answering machine, as well as their TV remote.

On the subject of answering machines, have you noticed Hollywood is the only place that hasn't given them up for electronic voicemail? Movies and TV shows still regularly have old fashioned answering machines, so the audience (and characters in the room) can hear who's calling, thus advancing the drama. James Bond has a car that sees in infrared and shoots nanobots but he still uses an answering machine he bought at Target in 1974. "James, if you're there pick up! Pick up! Pick up!" Does he still have a block of ice hand delivered to his "icebox" every morning, too?

Don't forget to check back at 4pm NYC time today for the contest. See the post below.

CONTEST LATER TODAY!

The contest I'll post today at 4pm is more or less the same as the previous ones, see here.

The only change might be the number of differences, so check the rules as they are posted on the contest to make sure of how many you're looking for.

Hope you enjoy playing along as much as I enjoy asking you to.

Choices

Bizarro is brought to you today by Roofing Nails.

I have ambiguous feelings about this cartoon. When I wrote it, the idea of a roofer giving each nail the option of implanting itself into the wood (the easy way) before he pounds them in with a hammer (the hard way) was funny. Now, I'm not so sure.

On a more positive note, wouldn't you love to own a Bizarro Alien T-shirt like the snazzy gentledude in this cartoon? NOW YOU CAN!

Tomorrow at 4pm NYC time I'll post another cartoon contest. Hope you win!

Animation Goodness

I love this song and animated video. Just wanted to share.
Found it on http://www.cartoonbrew.com/



Another amazing video animation, made by a recent student is this. Just wanted to share.
Fount it on a terrific blog called DRAWN! Tell them I sent you.

Celebrities and Broken Stuff Glued to Walls

A couple nights ago CHNW and I joined Alicia Silverstone at a swanky vegan restaurant in NYC to celebrate the release of her dandy new book, The Kind Diet. Take a look at the cover, linked to the title above, Alicia looks cute and sexy, because she is, and my wife, CHNW, says the book is awesome. We got our copy autographed, of course, but I asked her to sign it, "Batgirl," instead of her regular name.













While there, I ran into SHOWBUSINESS COMEDY GOD, David Steinberg. I was familiar with his stand-up comedy way back in the day, and his copious writing, directing and producing since then, but I had no idea he's a longtime vegan. Yay. He, too, was cute and sexy. Super friendly guy with whom I would LOVE to be friends, but I didn't get his contact info. If anyone knows David, tell him to email me.

And, as an added bonus, here's a picture (NOT taken on an iPhone in poor light) of CHNW at the famous mosaic garden on Philly's South Street a few weeks ago. Go see this place, it is huge, masterful and inspiring. (The mosaic garden, not CHNW. While often inspiring, she is by no means huge.)

Beat It?

Bizarro is brought to you today by Surprising Products.

I grew up in the South where pinatas are common at children's birthday parties. Consequently, for many years I believed that if you beat an animal hard enough, you would get candy. This was a lesson that did not serve me well in my later years.

Therefore, I propose that we replace the common subjects of pinatas – donkeys, bulls, superheros, skinless toddlers – with more deserving targets like Rush Limbaugh.

IMPORTANT NOTE: While I despise Rush Limbaugh and do not wish him well in any sense of the word, I DO NOT advocate physical violence against him or anyone else that you happen not to like. This is a humor blog, so DO NOT take my musings as prophecy or advice. (A defense that Rush himself has used countless times when advocating immoral, illegal, or treasonous behavior.)
In summary: Busting open Rush Limbaugh pinata = candy and laughs.
Busting open Rush Limbaugh himself = jail and drug-tainted bodily fluids and organs.

Peter Kuper at MLibrary, October 29

An upcoming event here at the University of Michigan Library:

Peter Kuper: Revolutions and Art -- Comics and Political Art and their
Application through History

Ann Arbor, MI: October 29, 7-8:30pm
Hatcher Graduate Library Gallery
913 S. University Avenue
Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1205

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Why is it that when the gorillas attack old west towns, it's always the nattily-dressed cowboys who pay? So testifies the cover to Ranchserien #9 (1968).

(Standard disclaimer about saloon-climbing gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the Comic Book DB. Click on the image for a larger version.

Hugely Gigantic Behemoth

(Click on the image for a Gulliver-sized version to aim your eyes at.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Phones.

I normally post cartoons about a week after they appear in newspapers, so this one should have been posted last week. BUT, last week I posted the current date's cartoon so that readers could find out the answers to the Sunday Puzzler and this one got bumped.

When I was young, stories about Gulliver and his travels were favorites of mine. The idea of being huge in a land of tiny people, or being visited by a giant, was fascinating to me. (Although if given the choice, I'd rather be able to become invisible or fly under my own power than be impossibly huge.)

If you were the size of Gulliver – roughly the height of a 30-story building compared to the Lilliputians – you'd have to say goodbye to things like sexual relations and privacy of any kind. I can only imagine how the Lilliputians dealt with his bowel movements. The stench must have been like living near a commercial hog farm in modern-day America.

No idea who Gulliver might have been calling on his gigantic cell phone, but I like the image. I also like to imagine the Lilliputians playing with the apps by jumping around barefooted on the touch screen.

Until next time...Beware of carnivorous women.

Friday Night Fights: Melaka Fray vs. Vampires

From Fray #7 (2003). Art by Karl Moline & Andy Owens. Color by Dave Stewart & Michelle Madsen. Story by Joss Whedon.

Who has Feet of Fury? Fray!

(click pix for larger)

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days *
2 (-). Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth
3 (+4). The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks
4 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
5 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
6 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
7 (-4). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
8 (+13). Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1 *
9 (-1). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
10 (-). Watchmen
11 (N). 14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box: A Dilbert Book *
12 (+4). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
13 (-1). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
14 (-1). Batman: The Killing Joke
15 (+18). Batman: Year One
16 (+3). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
17 (-2). Asterios Polyp
18 (-9). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
19 (R). Tumor Chapter 1 (kindle)
20 (N). Bloom County: Complete Library Volume 2 *
21 (+20). Masterpiece Comics
22 (-4). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
23 (+19). The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2: From the Bastille to Baghdad
24 (R). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
25 (-4). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
26 (-6). Naruto, Volume 46
27 (-16). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
28 (+18). Marvel Encyclopedia *
29 (-2). Astonishing X-Men Omnibus *
30 (-16). Stitches: A Memoir
31 (-). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
32 (N). Dilbert: 2010 Day-to-Day Calendar
33 (+14). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
34 (+9). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
35 (N). Berserk Volume 31 *
36 (+4). Bone: One Volume Edition
37 (N). The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
38 (+7). Locke & Key: Head Games
39 (-11). Batman: The Long Halloween
40 (-15). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
41 (R). The Arrival
42 (-7). Pokemon: Diamond and Pearl Adventure!, Volume 5
43 (R). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
44 (N). Hellboy Library Edition Volume 3: Conqueror Worm And Strange Places
45 (R). Freedom's Just Another Word for People Finding Out You're Useless
46 (-20). The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz HC
47 (R). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
48 (-10). V for Vendetta
49 (-19). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition
50 (-33). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* A big week for strip collections: The first Bloom County compilation hops up into the top ten, while the pre-order for the second comes in at position 20; And two new Dilbert items debut at #11 & #32, and the previous collection also sneaks back onto the list.

* Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days is at #2 on the overall bestseller list, just behind Dan Brown and just ahead of Sarah Palin. (Where the Wild Things Are is at #10 on the overall list, but is not included on the Graphic Novel chart.)

* The Other debuts this week are the latest volume of Berserk, The Umbrella Academy: Dallas, and Hellboy Library Edition Volume 3.

Anatomically Incorrect

Bizarro is brought to you today by The King's Colonoscopy.

Speaking of which, it is time for me, once again, to pay a stranger to shove things into my rectum. Yes, I am overdue for a colonoscopy, the medical equivalent of prison rape.

I had one about ten years ago, when I turned 40, and after complaining to my friends about how it was the worst, most painful day of my life, they all said, "But you're not supposed to remember it. They give you that amnesia drug."

Huh? They gave me no such drug. I guess they forgot. Perhaps they took it themselves.

Now I'm (over)due for another and I don't want to do it because:
A. The last one was a nightmare
B. I don't have health insurance and it's expensive
C. I don't know where/who to go to. Am I supposed to pick someone randomly from the Yellow Pages and pay them to shove things into my butt? Sounds like more like Craig's List than modern medicine.

A reasonable blog reader might ask, "Why don't you have health insurance, Dan?"

Because in NY it is phenomenally expensive when you are not affiliated with any group or employer. The cheapest I've found is through the Freelancers Union (which isn't really a "union" but a group of freelancers who buy insurance together so it is cheaper) and it's still over $1000 a month for minimum coverage for my wife and me, and of course, that doesn't include "pre-existing conditions" or anything else they decide they don't want to pay for. I'd literally rather die than pay $12,000 a year to an extortion corporation, only to be denied money back later when I really need it. It is the definition of organized crime.

I Twooted this last night, but how is it that even the dimmest Americans cannot see these two simple facts:
1. All politicians who oppose government-run health care actually HAVE government-run health care.
2. All politicians who oppose government-run health care are taking huge amounts of money from the insurance industry and big pharm.

Will this country ever wake up, or do I see residency in Europe in my future?

Contest #7 WINNERS!!!

This week's winner, coming in at 9 minutes after the hour, is someone or -thing going by the name of "Ha Ha Ha Whoops." Congratulations, HHHW, you'll be receiving valuable merchandise the likes of which you do not currently own!

Second place, coming in just moments behind HHHW, is our old friend "Marcello," who was the grand prize winner of Contest #4, all those weeks ago. (3 weeks) He'll be receiving some merchandise, too, as will the third place winner, the artist formerly known as "Giant." And currently know as, too, apparently.

Many congrats to all our dandy winners this week. Stop by tomorrow for another Bizarro cartoon with amusing commentary and musings by your host and MC for this evening, me.

Drive safely everyone.

(click on the image below to read the correct answers)

Contest #7

Click on the cartoon contest image below to enlarge.

RULES, ETC:
As usual, one image is the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it has been changed. Your mission, if you are courageous enough to conquer it, is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will be subtle -- once you spot them, you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "I think the shadow of the coffee cup is a little bigger. Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the contest post wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD persons with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.

Enjoy and good luck!

Contest Today!!!!!

My apologies for the late announcement, but life is chaos.

Another contest today, 4pm this time. Read the rules below if you want to get a jump on things, a few details have changed. Good luck, my bloggy friends.

RULES, ETC:
As usual, one image will be the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it will have been changed. Your mission, if you are courageous enough to conquer it, is to find those differences.

1. There will be 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences will have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will be subtle, once you spot them, you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "I think the shadow of the coffee cup is a little bigger. Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the contest post wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD person with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.

Hope to see you at 4pm! Here's last week's contest if you want to see what to expect.

Easter Island Neighbor

Bizarro is brought to you today by Show Business.

I guess Jay Leno's new show made me think of this cartoon. Either that, or it was that time a few weeks ago that my business partner, Rey, said, "What about Easter Island but with Jay Leno's chin?"

I'm never really sure what Rey is talking about and I'm not even sure if he was talking about a cartoon in this case, but it gave me this idea, so here it is.

Except for the desk being missing, the Jay's new show doesn't seem all that different, right? Which is fine, he was very popular on The Tonight Show, so why change a winning formula? I guess I just thought it was going to be more different.

If anyone from the new Jay Leno Show is watching, can I be a guest, please? I think it would be good for my career.

Great Grafitti

This is awesome. Found this on one of my favorite websites about art and cartoons, DRAWN! There are no computer tricks here, just paint and film. Amazing stuff.

For some reason, it repeats after 4 minutes.