Sunday, 18 May 2008

Satan's Toolshed

(Click on image to enlarge)

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by the National Association of Independent Contractors, aka "Slackers With Tools."

I don't often praise my own cartoons but when this one came to me I couldn't scribble it down fast enough.

CHNW and I bought a place in Brooklyn four years ago and immediately started saving our money for a new kitchen. Last year we got estimates, had enough money, and decided to go with a contractor who came highly recommended by a friend. He said it would take "x" amount of money and 8 to 10 weeks. That was 9 months ago, and although he just finished the job, he has yet to come remove the rest of his tools. So far we've paid him "3x" and he thinks we owe him more. The Taj Mahal took less time and money than this kitchen.

On top of all this, the giant slab of stone-like crap the counter tops are made of is completely the wrong color, and there is a court battle between he and the counter top guy over whose fault it is.

I'm certain there are responsible contractors out there, but from the stories we've heard from friends, and our own experiences with the Kitchen Mahal, I think many are guys who don't want bosses, don't like responsibility, like to keep their own schedule (i.e. work half a day, smoke pot for three days, go to the beach, work half a day, disappear into the mountains for a week, etc.) who have a bunch of extra tools and large, brass balls.

If this project doesn't end in a murder/suicide, it will be a miracle.










This was the title panel from the cartoon. According to millions of American fundamentalists, this is a historically accurate portrayal of the origin of species. This image may well be used in the "science" classes of home-schooled kids all across the nation.

This is the 21st century, right?

FCBM4 Day 18

It's day eighteen of the fourth annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Shane Windsnes, who listed his five comics as:

1. X-Men
2. Spider-Man
3. Y, the Last Man
4. Fables
5. Runaways

Shane likes the mutants of X-Men and the young heroes of Runaways, so he may also enjoy the first issue of Young X-Men by Marc Guggenheim & Yanick Paquette.

For Shane's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Iron Man ashcan.

Shane's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
39 entries
36 free comics sent so far
13 days remaining

Saturday, 17 May 2008

Name Your Poison

Today's Bizarro cartoon comes to you courtesy of The Internets.

I have two daughters, but if I'd had a son, I desperately wanted to name him "Popeye." What boy wouldn't want to be named Popeye? I'd have loved it. But, alas, their mother was a ball-buster and I gave in to her naming choices: Krelspeth and Krapuzar. Hence the "K2" in many of my cartoons. (in this one, on the water pitcher)

I'm friends with a breeding couple – her last name is Lortz, his last name is Lutz (no kidding) – and they had a baby boy. I pleaded with them to name him Lars Lortz-Lutz, but they resisted.

I'm against human reproduction of any kind, because the last thing this planet needs is more arrogant consumers and the misery and pollution that we cause. But if you insist on producing crotch fruit, please consider giving it a humorous name. It is character-building for the child and makes the world a funnier place.

FCBM4 Day 17

It's day seventeen of the fourth annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Iris Krus, who listed her five comics as:

1. Jonah Hex
2. Criminal
3. Casanova
4. Futurama
5. Gødland

Isis says that she likes "heroes, guns, funny, scary." I'm pretty sure that she will enjoy the action and energy of the first issue of Cover Girl by Andrew Cosby, Kevin Church, & R. M. Yankovica.

For Iris's bonus comic, I'm sending her the Uncle Scrooge ashcan.

Iris's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
39 entries
34 free comics sent so far
14 days remaining

Friday, 16 May 2008

Mixed Marriage Mayhem

Today's Bizarro is funded in part by a grant from the Consortium of Horse's Asses.

I can't remember ever doing a cartoon about centaurs before, so this may be my first. There may be more to come, it's a character that definitely seems to have more possibilities. I've been fooling with an idea for a cartoon about a centaur birth, simply because I like the idea of a screaming infant on the body of a foal. Haven't come up with a joke for it yet, though.

FCBM4 Day 16

It's day sixteen of the fourth annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Rob Monroe, who listed his five comics as:

1. Yotsuba&!
2. Batman
3. Battle Angel Alita
4. Uncanny X-Men
5. Invisibles

For Rob I have the first issue of Eat-Man, the futuristic manga by Akihito Yoshitomi that's been describes as Battle Angel Alita with super-powers.

For Rob's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Iron Man ashcan.

Rob's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
39 entries
32 free comics sent so far
15 days remaining

Thursday, 15 May 2008

A Buzkill Of Vegans

Rob Cottingham wrote in a comment on my Theological Humor post that he was thrilled that I linked to his "anger" image. I'm guessing he means the pic linked to the words "piss me off," but I can't be totally sure. He left me a link to his cartoon blog site and I found the above cartoon, which I think is hilarious. It's exactly the sort of thing me and my vegan friends would ask and it made me laugh out loud. Thanks, Rob.