Final Crisis Fever - Catch It!

We're just a week away from the debut of the first issue of Final Crisis, and I must admit I'm a bit stoked. By all indications I shouldn't be, what with Countdown being so hugely, um, disappointing; and the whole 'heroes will face their darkest hour and bad things will happen to them' theme is not the way I'd want to see things go. But I have faith in Grant Morrison running the show, as he rarely disappoints and even his disappointments are interesting. We recall that Morrison was also the front man on the DC 1,000,000 event from a few years ago, which turned out to be one of the better line-wide crossover events that DC has done.

I'll be following Douglas Woulk's Final Crisis Annotations as my guidebook. Even though I've been steeped in DCU lore for many years, I'm sure there will be plenty that I'll miss. Woulk's analysis of DC Universe #0 showed that there was a lot more going on in that preview/tease than most cursory reviews gave it credit for.

Super Phallus

Bizarro is brought to you today by a guy with a station wagon who wasn't doing anything this morning and just wanted to help out.

I got a letter from a lawyer type about this cartoon. He said you can't copyright a name, so it would actually be trademark infringement. As soon as I read his email I remembered having heard that before, so I should have known better. I hate being inaccurate. It makes me seem so, I don't know…mortal.

Surprisingly, I received no comments about the phallic nature of Bat Man's costume, however.

FCBM4 Day 22

It's day twenty-two of the fourth annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Brian Dertel, who listed his five comics as:

1. Scalped
2. JSA
3. Northlanders
4. Ex Machina
5. Fear Agent

For Brian I have the first issue of the stylish and violent Killing Girl by Glen Brunswick & Frank Espinosa.

For Brian's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Iron Man ashcan.

Brian's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
41 entries
44 free comics sent so far
9 days remaining

Four to Read for Wednesday, May 21

* Bully Says: For Your Eyes Only: Recent Book Cover Designs of the James Bond Novels

* Bully Says: Lions and tigers and bunnies, oh my!

* Progressive Ruin: Sometimes there just isn't an explanation

* Flipped!: David Welsh On More Of The 2008 Manga-Related Nominees

You Breed, They Feed

Today's Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by the American Association of Absent Parents.

As I've mentioned before, I'm not a fan of humans as a species and think there are already far too many of us on the planet. In fact, I advocate vasectomies for all males above the age of 16. Radical? Yes. Likely? No.

Obviously, humans will continue to breed indiscriminately, like all other species, not for any grand or noble purpose, but because we are genetically programmed to believe it is the second most important goal of life, next to survival. Given that fact, I can't blame people for wanting kids, but I can grouse about it in cartoons.

My beef in this cartoon, however, is more specifically with those who exercise their "right" to breed but not their "obligation" to raise the little tyke themselves. It wasn't always easy, but I raised my own daughters, along with their mother, and it paid off. Their mother and I are no longer speaking, but my kids, now adults, are terrific little citizens whom you will not be seeing heading to jail on a DUI charge, or leading our country into an endless war based on lies.

For the record, CHNW is childless and is dedicated to staying that way, and I've been the proud owner of a vasectomy for five years. For those of you offended by my comments about not breeding in spite of the fact that I have two children of my own, you may be happy to hear I intend to kill them both, compost them, and plant some trees.

FCBM4 Day 21

It's day twenty-one of the fourth annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Cody Dolan, who listed his five comics as:

1. Blue Beetle
2. Thunderbolts
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. The Punisher
5. Invincible

Cody will likely enjoy the first issue of the new mini-series The War That Time Forgot by Bruce Jones, Al Barrionuevo & Jimmy Palmiotti.

For Cody's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Iron Man ashcan.

Cody's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
41 entries
42 free comics sent so far
10 days remaining

Celebs-A-Go-Go!

It was a big weekend for CHNW and me. We attended two events for animal issues, both of which were stinking to high heaven with celebs. One was the yearly fund-raising gala for Farm Sanctuary, whom CHNW and I have supported for many years. (Not to be confused with Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary, on whose board we sit. Same mission, different locations.)

The other event was a book party for a terrific new book about how we treat animals as a society. The nice thing about this book is that it presents and entertaining, pop-culture look at issues that are normally difficult to deal with, so most people never learn about. Give it a try.

Here are some pictorial highlights from the fun and freakiness.

Here I am with the beautiful and brilliant Emily Deschanel, star of Bones on TNT. I get to meet a lot of very cool folks through the animal rights movement that I would normally not have a chance to. A nice fringe benefit of a good cause.

Emily is quite a bit taller than I and was gracious enough to get on her knees for this shot.


I'm so excited to see my old friend, Dennis Kucinich, the most interesting politician in Washington. (photo by Derek Goodwin)

He was happy to see me, too, and posed with me and my Crazy Half-Nekked Wife, Ashley, who was fully dressed for the occasion.



The keener observers among you will notice that CHNW died her hair bright pink last week. I told you she was crazy.






Here I am with Susie Essman, best known for her hilarious portrayal of an incredible bitch on Curb Your Enthusiasm. In person, a total sweetheart.


I was thrilled to see one of my longtime favorites, Swoosie Kurtz. Her role as an eye-patched nutbag on ABC's Pushing Daisies is classic. She's been working in TV and film almost non-stop since the 60s.




These fabulous femmes are Rory Freedman, author of the NYTimes Best-Seller, Skinny Bitch, and Heather Mills. Don't believe the nonsense you read in the papers about Heather, she's a peach and a tireless activist for the downtrodden. And don't believe the rumors about Rory not being totally in love with me.


Who doesn't love Kevin Nealon? He's smart and funny, which is two of the top three things I look for in a person. (The third being an outstretched hand with cash.) He is angry in this photo because I wouldn't let him have my dessert from Vegan Treats.


Persia White, of TV's Girlfriends, is a regular at all the animal rights events I've ever attended. She even remembers our names and says hi to us!

I caught and photographed CHNW attacking former Duke of Hazzard John Schneider, in case I need it in court.








In retaliation, I attacked him too.
Take that, CHNW!