Satellite Sex

Bizarro is brought to you today by Forbidden Love Comics.

I don't have a car but I have rented ones with a GPS and I really enjoy it. If there is a choice of voices, I go for the woman's voice, because when I drive I like to pretend I'm Captain Kirk steering the Starship Enterprise, and the GPS voice is Uhura.

When I'm in a less geeky mood and just want to be myself, I name the voice and converse with her as I drive.
"At Cornhole Street, turn left," she purrs.
"Thank you, Trudy," I reply, "and may I say you look very smart today. That's a lovely color on you."
"Turn left."
"Yeah, I heard you, I'm turning. I have to wait for this car to get out of my way."
"Go 450 feet and turn right at Blacklung Avenue."
"I just said you look nice today, Trudy. No response?"
"Turn right."
"So you're not going to respond to my compliment at all? You're just going to pretend I'm not even here until it's time to toss out one of your monotonal directives?"
"Turn right."
"I heard you, for chrissakes! You just said it, like, 11 seconds ago!"
"You have arrived at your destination."
"Thank god! And if you're going to ignore me, you can just stay in the car! Bitch!"

Trudy and I seem to always get into this kind of fight. I've also had conflicts with Rita, Debby, and another one whose name escapes me. Uhura and I tend to get along much better.

Shameless Friend Promotion: Redacted???

EDIT:

Sources at G.T. Labs and Tor have alerted us to the fact that the project previously described in this post is at this point in time neither confirmed nor denied. Thank you for your attention
-- Management Services

Performance Video

A person or two have asked that I put some of my performance video on the blog, so here is a link to a nice little film done at one of my shows in Montreal last year. Hope you enjoy.

http://www.gammafilm.ca/bizarro.html

Cool Kids

I just discovered a very cool band made up of three sisters in their teens. They're serious activists, trying to change everything in the world from child abuse to 3rd world hunger to substance abuse to factory farming and environmental destruction. This is usually a recipe for corny, heavy-handed folk music that I personally can't relate to at all, but these girls are actually really talented. Great voices, strong music, and apple-pie faces to die for. Check them out and download some of their music. A whopping 70% of the proceeds goes to charities that support the principles of their fave philosopher, Mahatma Gandhi.

Truth On Earth

Pulling Your Legume

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Legumes for Lepers. "Curing Bible diseases one peanut at a time."

I'm not a huge fan of puns but I like them if they strike me a certain way or carry a good visual. This one seemed
amusing enough to draw up and I liked the result, so I submitted it. Examples of some that I did not draw up: Almond Muhammad, Walnut Jesus, Pecan Vishnu.

On a sad note, I got a couple of complaints from people who felt I was being insensitive to the religious beliefs of others. The kicker is that neither of these writers were Buddhists, they were just assuming that others might be offended. It is my impression that a big part of Buddhism is not letting the nonsense of the world get to you, which I guess is why no actual Buddhists complained.

I also got a letter of complaint from someone who worships peanuts and felt this image was sacrilegious to his belief system, and one from a woman who believes that the creator of the universe was a top hat. These days, everyone is a victim.

No Bitch

Today's Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by The Humane Society of the United States.

This is a rare example of a cartoon that I drew for Bizarro but decided not to run. Any time I have an idea that I know will be controversial, I explain it to my editor at King Features and ask him what he thinks. We discuss the pros and cons and I decide whether the risk of losing papers is worth the gag.

In the case of the "Payback" cartoon, we emailed back and forth as usual, but somehow I misunderstood his response. I was certain he said it would be fine and even though I was shocked by his opinion, I drew it up, colored it, formatted it for panel and strip, and sent it in. He called immediately, asking if I was pulling their collective leg.

My first instinct was right, this joke is way too racy for the funny pages, so we pulled it at the last minute and ran an old cartoon in its place. It's still a great joke, though, in my humble opinion, so I'm sharing it with you here.

My biggest regret about this joke is that I didn't write it. It came pretty much verbatim from my wacky friend Derek, who is a regular commenter on this blog. A surprising number of great cartoons are not written by the person who draws them and makes them famous, but most cartoonists are loathe to admit it. So if I don't get points for this gag, at least maybe I can grab a point or two for honesty.

By the way, Payback was later neutered, which is the responsible thing for any good pet guardian to do.

Another cartoon that I missed posting while I was out of town is this one about a wedding. If you don't immediately get it, try reading the preacher's words out loud, in the same rhythm as the traditional, "...for richer or for poorer."

The best thing about this gag was that I got an email from a woman named Dora who lives across the street from a man named Richard. She said her whole neighborhood was wondering if I was talking about them. I couldn't resist telling her she had caught me, that I lived down the street and had noticed the sparks between them and thought I'd give them a little nudge.

It's a bizarre world.

Manga Mental Meltdown

An amusing anecdote:

The other day I grabbed a volume of Lone Wolf & Cub off the shelf, went to the bookmark I had placed in to save my place several weeks ago, and started reading.

As I read, I had two thoughts: 1) It wasn't making much sense; and 2) it all seemed vaguely familiar.

I was over twenty page into the story before I realized that I was reading it backwards! Recall that Dark Horse published Lone Wolf & Cub in flipped (left-to-right) format, instead of the typical right-to-left format that's used for most translated manga these days!

It made much more sense when I started reading it in the correct direction.

(Well, it was amusing to me...)