Friday Night Fights: Illyana Rasputin vs. S'ym

From Magik #4 (1984). Art by Sal Buscema & Tom Palmer. Colors by Ken Feduniewicz. Letters by Tom Orzechowski. Story by Chris Claremont. (click pic for larger)

One panel? UARRRGH!

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Watchmen
2 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (+2). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
6 (-1). Watchmen (hardcover)
7 (-1). Batman: R.I.P.
8 (+4). V for Vendetta
9 (+7). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
10 (+1). All Star Superman, Vol. 2
11 (-3). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe
12 (-2). The Joker
13 (-4). Batman: The Killing Joke
14 (-). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
15 (-2). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
16 (+4). Naruto, Volume 38 *
17 (-2). Batman: Year One
18 (+14). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
19 (-). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
20 (+2). Naruto, Volume 40 *
21 (-). Naruto, Volume 39 *
22 (+16). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
23 (N). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1
24 (N). The Starman Omnibus, Vol. 2 *
25 (+22). Unmanned (Y: The Last Man, Vol. 1)
26 (-2). Naruto, Volume 41 *
27 (-2). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
28 (+9). Crown Of Horns (Bone)
29 (+6). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes (Calvin & Hobbes)
30 (-2). Watching the Watchmen: The Definitive Companion to the Ultimate Graphic Novel
31 (N). Y: The Last Man Vol. 2: Cycles
32 (N). Vampire Knight, Vol. 6 *
33 (N). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4) *
34 (N). Y: The Last Man Vol. 3: One Small Step
35 (+13). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
36 (-9). The Dresden Files: Welcome to the Jungle
37 (-20). Secret Invasion
38 (-7). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
39 (-). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 1)
40 (N). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 2
41 (N). Star Trek: Countdown TPB *
42 (N). Y: The Last Man, Vol. 10: Whys and Wherefores
43 (-). Serenity, Vol. 1: Those Left Behind
44 (-14). The Hidden Temple (Star Wars: Legacy, Vol. 5) *
45 (N). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
46 (N). Fruits Basket Volume 22 *
47 (N). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier
48 (N). From Hell
49 (+1). Bleach, Volume 26 *
50 (N). The Adventures of Johnny Bunko (Kindle edition)

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* How big is Watchmen? The regular paperback edition is not only #1 on the Comics & Graphic Novels chart, but also #4 on the overall Amazon bestsellers chart.

* How big the the Watchmen halo effect? All three League of Extraordinary Gentlemen volumes debut on the list, as does From Hell.

* Y, the Last Man makes a strong showing this week, with the first volume rocketing up twenty-two places, and three more volumes debuting on the list.

* All manga on the list, save one, are pre-orders. In addition to the usual Naruto, we also see new volumes of Vampire Knight & Fruits Basket pop up.

* That one non-pre-order manga title is The Adventures of Johnny Bunko, a job hunting guide done as manga. A sign of the economy? Even more oddly it's the Kindle version (the print version is apparently not in print/stock from Amazon); if you need a job hunting book, how is it that you've spent money on a Kindle?

* Another bad week for Marvel on Amazon; they place only one title, Secret Invasion, and that falls a whopping twenty places on the chart.

Take Me Back

Bizarro is brought to you today by Giant Drag Queens and the Men Who Love Them.

I've touched on this subject of young men dressing like rodeo clowns before, but this is perhaps my favorite one. I did a cartoon back in the 90s about cops having covertly started the baggy pants fad to make gang members easier to catch on foot. Might be true.

This week, a real life cop wrote to me and said he could not count how many times this had actually happened to him. He cuffs a suspect, their pants keep falling down, and they blame him.

When the baggy-pants-underwear-showing look first became popular, I laughed out loud and thought it could not possibly last. Here we are like, what, 20 years later and it's still hip? I mean phat? WTF?

I'm heading to Tulsa in a couple of hours to visit my family and to perform at a fundraiser for my old high school, Booker T. Washington. If you have some extra bucks to donate to educating ne'er-do-wells and miscreants (some in baggy pants, no doubt), and nothing to do on Saturday morning, come join us.

Dead Death

Bizarro is brought to you today by Exciting Discoveries!

I spent all of my blogging time today on the previous post about Ash Wednesday, so this one is short.

I don't know how good this cartoon is (I'm sure the commentators will tell me in no uncertain terms) but I was thinking one day what conclusion you could draw after finding the Grim Reaper's dead body. If you can think of a better line for the cop to use, I'm all ears.

Ash Wednesday

Since today is Ash Wednesday, I thought I'd post a short, special tribute to my ex-girlfriend and wife, Ashley, a.k.a. CHNW, whom I commonly call, "Ash."

Here she is wearing a coat that has bunny ears on the hood. She has related to non-human animals in a special way since early childhood and cannot seem to break the habit. (Anyone who makes a bestiality comment gets voted off the island.)

Here she is with a rescued fawn at Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. The momma doe was killed by a car so we took in the fawn for a few days until we could find a wildlife rehabilitator. The fawn was fond of sucking on Ash's earlobe for comfort, which Ashley enjoyed, too. What a nice lady.

Here, she is very excited about a rescued calf at Woodstock, whom we named Dylan. He was found tied up inside a dark barn and was destined to be veal. That was a few years ago, now he is all grown up and the size of a Cadillac Escalade. He still comes to the fence when Ash calls him, and clearly has affection for her. She can no longer get inside the pasture with him, however, for he could accidentally crush her skull with a twitch of his upper lip. Did I mention he is large?

Here is the obligatory Ashley with chicken and donkey shot. This kind of thing tends to happen to her a lot, this time it was at Leilani Farm Sanctuary in Maui. Keen observers will notice there are two donkeys in this picture, one is pushing his nose into Ashley's butt. Who can blame him?

Here she is sharing a guava with said butt-muncher.

Speaking of butts, in this photo, Ash cleverly displays the world's largest nut, which comes from a palm tree of some sort. Since it is somewhat difficult to discern the nut from Ashley's own booty, I have included a picture of myself with said nut for proportion.















To conclude this special Ash Wednesday edition I offer this picture of Ash in a medieval helmet. This took place a couple of years ago in an Italian museum which does not employ enough guards to prevent this sort of thing.






(Special thanks to my buddy, Richard Cabeza, who's also married to an "Ash" and who reminded me of this special day.)

Sad Stereotypes

Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Live Indians.

Me: "My name is Dan Piraro and I suffer from depression."
All: "Hello, Dan."
Group member: "You're not supposed to use your last name, this is Depression Anonymous."
Me: "You're not supposed to use quotation marks in a script format, either, so sue me."

Yes, I'm a long time taker of "crazy pills," thus called because they keep me from being crazy. As such, I know full well that anti-depressants do not make a person feel the way Melancholy Wolf appears to feel in this cartoon. In truth, they just make you feel normal. Normally happy, sad, or somewhere in between, depending on the circumstance.

I was quite the melancholy wolf for many years, with unpredictable bouts of utter hopelessness and despair, as well as unbridled anger, that would last from a few days to a few weeks. I went to shrinks, I read books, I exercised, I changed my diet, I changed my life – nothing worked. It was inexplicable.

Until one of my therapists bothered to "explic" it to me and asked me to try anti-depressants. I was very hesitant, being one of those tough guys who doesn't want a chemical solution to my problems. But I was so desperate I finally agreed and within a couple of weeks, I felt normal for the first time in my adult life. Melancholy Wolf's exuberance is representative of how I felt when the cloud first lifted. I just wish I hadn't waited until my late thirties to take the plunge.

Speaking of the Injuns in the cartoon above, I was in Indianapolis recently with some Native American comic artist colleagues and learned a lot about what sort of pop culture stereotypes bother them. I suspect this cartoon might fit into a few of those categories because I didn't bother to research it.

Not all American Indians wore braids, bone breastplates, feathers in their hair, fringe on their shirts and lived in teepees, yet that is commonly how they are depicted. Sorry, guys, didn't have time to look it up, deadlines loomed. I just went straight for the easy cliche, I hope I didn't get it completely wrong.

On a slightly different note, I'm a fan of Native American names. Not all of them are bucolic monikers about nature – like Soaring Eagle and Whispering Beaver – some are more expository. My favorite name, which was in a book of photos of Native Americans from around the turn of the 19th century, is Stabs By Mistake.

Following this method of naming, when CHNW and I were first married, I dubbed her grandmother, Stares At New Guy Like She Hates Him.

Impossible World

Bizarro is brought to you today by Eat My Friends!

Here's a simple visual gag that has no deeper meaning and nothing to do with anything. Sometimes a bit of simple surrealism is good for you. It's not brilliant, but it's a smile.

What's fun about cartoons like this is that as often as not, someone will write to me in all seriousness and say something like, "I love Bizarro but I don't get today's cartoon. Is there something I'm missing? How could the prisoners dig their way to another planet?"

I never mind people asking for clarification on a cartoon and their confusion is often warranted because my cartoon was nebulous. So I'm nice to anyone who writes (unless they are being an a**hole). When someone asks a question like my hypothetical one above, I still respond politely but I admit that I laugh before I type.
And sometimes I call CHNW in from the other room to laugh with me.
And sometimes a few friends from the neighborhood.
Only on rare occasions have I posted the letter on YouTube in a video in which I appear with phony buck teeth and a fright wig, pretending to be the person who wrote the letter.

Usually I just politely explain that it's supposed to be impossible, and therein lies the humor. Or what I mistook for humor when I wrote it.

Other sorts of letters I sometimes get will be from somebody like a meteorologist who feels it his duty to point out that the earth I have drawn in the background has no clouds on the entire hemisphere shown, which is statistically impossible. For readers like this, I send my special Bizarro Anthrax Gift Basket.