Fuggetabottit

Bizarro is brought to you today by Want To See My Spleen?

Near the top of my list of favorite things to do each day is climbing into bed at night and reading. (Other items on the list: pointing at rainbows, teaching my cat Tai Chi, running through crowded subways shouting "Grey's Anatomy is FAKE!")

I sometimes wonder if my bed looks forward to our time together as much as I do. Is it a willing participant in my nightly slumber? Does it sleep when I sleep or does it sleep during the day and lie awake all night wishing I'd get the hell off of it? And how does it feel about being used for sex?

Does the memory foam really remember me? If so, does it also remember my cats? If someone uses a memory foam mattress to cheat on their spouse, will it ever forget? When the mattress gets old, does it remember who slept on it thirty years ago but not who used it last night?

After all that musing, I'm embarrassed to say that I can't remember if my mattress is memory foam or not.

Amazon Top 50

Sorry the list is so late this time. Last Friday I was on a 14-hour leg of a road trip, and wasn't able to grab the Amazon bestseller list. I did manage to get a copy of it Saturday morning though, and here is the delayed list. Since this snapshot was done Saturday rather than Friday, you should keep that in mind when comparing week-to-week, in addition to all the previous caveats.


1 (+1). Watchmen
2 (+5). Asterios Polyp
3 (+1). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition *
4 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
5 (+11). Parker: The Hunter
6 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
7 (+11). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
8 (+9). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
9 (-). Final Crisis
10 (+3). The Boys, Vol. 4
11 (-1). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
12 (+32). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
13 (-7). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
14 (+14). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
15 (-). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
16 (-4). Green Lantern: Rage of the Red Lanterns
17 (-2). Fruits Basket Volume 23
18 (-13). 100 Bullets Vol. 13: Wilt
19 (+4). Batman: The Killing Joke
20 (+1). V for Vendetta
21 (-7). Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow? Deluxe Edition
22 (+5). Green Lantern: Rebirth
23 (N). Mouse Guard Volume 2: Winter 1152 *
24 (+2). Angel: After the Fall, Vol. 4 *
25 (-17). Maximum Ride, Vol. 1 Manga (kindle)
26 (N). Berserk Volume 30 *
27 (+3). Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 2
28 (N). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 4 *
29 (N). The Art of Harvey Kurtzman: The Mad Genius of Comics
30 (-19). The Complete Persepolis
31 (-). Bone: One Volume Edition
32 (+13). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
33 (-4). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
34 (-9). Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 1
35 (N). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
36 (+4). Batman: Year One
37 (+4). Lost Girls Hardcover Edition
38 (N). American Born Chinese
39 (N). Batman: R.I.P.
40 (-8). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
41 (+7). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
42 (N). Tales Designed to Thrizzle: Volume 1 *
43 (N). The Photographer: Into War-torn Afghanistan with Doctors Without Borders
44 (N). Empowered, Vol. 5
45 (-23). Nevermore *
46 (N). New Avengers Vol. 10: Power *
47 (N). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
48 (-28). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
49 (N). Y: The Last Man Vol. 8: Kimono Dragons
50 (-15). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* The most notable thing this week is the relatively poor showing of the Wimpy Kid volumes. Is this a function of taking the reading on Saturday rather than Friday? We'll find out this Friday I suppose. Also, sneaking in at #28 is the pre-order for the fourth Wimpy Kid volume; expect to see this move up and settle in to the top slot before too long.

* The highest debut this week belongs to the second Mouse Guard hardcover (in pre-order); another title I expect to move up into the top ten when it comes out next month.

* Watchmen moves back to the top slot, and the reappearance of the Absolute Edition on the chart, are probably the result of the Watchmen DVD being released.

* I wonder if the Green Lantern surge will last for the entirety of Blackest Night? That plus the new direct-to-DVD animated movie plus the announcement of a live-action feature film are no doubt pushing the property up the charts.

Whap Goes the Weasel

Bizarro today is brought to you by Carnivorous Cabbage.

One more cartoon from my friend and colleague, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like his gags and have featured a small handful in Bizarro over the past few months, with his permission, of course.

I like the contradictory image of a guy using a "carrot on a stick," not to entice, but to intimidate. If you want to see more of what Wayno has been up to, he has asked me to direct you to his FacialBook page.

In other news, a reader in Scandinavia has permanently scarred his body with one of my bits of artwork and I wish to thank him for sending the photos below. I am always honored when this happens, and would like to publicly state here and now that anyone who indelibly disfigures their body with artwork from Bizarro will get a personal sympathy card from yours truly. Other, more egoistic cartoonists might offer currency, jewels, or merchandise, but I am a humble man.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Spawn fights Cy-Gor on Greg Capullo & Todd McFarlane's cover to Spawn #57 (1997).

(Standard disclaimer about cybrnetic gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Eating Ourselves

(To make the cartoon big, click on the seagull's left knee)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Geriatric Mouse Voice.

Judging by the emails I got last week, this cartoon was very popular with environmentally conscious readers. Destruction of ocean life is far worse than most people realize because it is hidden under the surface. It's hard to get good photos of all that is missing from the sea. Most experts estimate that 90% of all large ocean life has been decimated in the past 100 years. Red Lobster All-You-Can-Eat night, anyone?

And judging by some emails I've gotten recently, there are a number of readers who think I hate fat people and think they are fair game for ridicule. My point is not that fat people are "funny" or "bad," but that human selfishness is ruining the planet, with Americans firmly in the lead. I know it is hard to resist food, I've battled it myself, we all have. And we're not the only species prone to this, we've all seen what happens to dogs when too much food is made available. For millions of years, humans couldn't be certain when their next meal would be, so our genes evolved to tell us to eat all that is available, especially the fatty stuff. It could mean the difference between making it through the winter and winding up as a frozen skeleton. But for most of us in developed nations, those days are gone.

Food has only been cheap and plentiful for our species for a relatively short time, so our bodies haven't had time to evolve messages that stop us from eating too much. My message isn't "let's all make fun of fat folks," my message is "wake up and smell the devastation to our bodies, our earth, and our fellow non-human inhabitants." I don't kid myself into thinking that this will ever change, but I feel compelled to comment on it.

On a lighter note, here's a silly cartoon about a clown.

Total Pigs

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by the Total Car.

A few years before I adopted a vegan diet, I stopped eating pigs because I read about how intelligent they are and how badly they suffer on factory farms, not to mention slaughterhouses. I later came to understand how all those critters I was eating were intelligent in their way and suffering at the whims of my taste buds, so I became vegan.

It's funny to me now that I used "intelligence" as a guide to whether or not a being deserved to be tortured and murdered. If that were true across the board, I can think of any number of people I've known who could be caged and butchered and sold for 99¢ a handful. "I'll have a Ricky sandwich and an order of Debbie nuggets, please."

Most people don't think that way of other species, I know. I didn't until I did, so I'm not judgmental about those who eat meat. I feel strongly about it, but I don't think that people who eat animal products are "bad" per se.

Pigs are really cool animals. I've gotten to know a bunch of them at Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary and they're really fascinating. They're smarter than dogs, big, ugly, affectionate and full of personality. You do have to be careful to follow a few simple rules when you're visiting them, however. I saw one frantically rooting and snorting at a woman's butt one time, almost knocking her down, and sending her screaming from the pig yard. Turns out she had an apple core in her back pocket. No one got hurt, but she almost lost the seat of her pants.

Bunny Blues

Bizarro is brought to you today by Rodents To Be Pitied.

When I was young, I never bought the idea that people in animal costumes were actually the character they were pretending to be. I sensed they were regular people in giant costumes and was appropriately frightened of them. My mother would take us to get our picture taken with the Easter Bunny and I'd cry.

This cartoon isn't about the Easter Bunny, but it goes to a pretty strange place with no apparent explanation. I like this kind of humor, that which portrays an extraordinary moment in time not easily explained. Fans of this sort of thing don't need an explanation, it's just funny that this poor sap is in a bunny costume and talking about his hard luck and country western songs. Others with more literal minds, may think the drunken bum is imagining it. That's fine, too.

The real answer is that the upside-down bird under the bench is the world's foremost avifaunal performance artist and he has orchestrated the scene for the benefit of passers by.