Secret No More

Bizarro is brought to you today by Star-Crossed Lovers.

A pun that could have gone into my new Sunday Punnies series, but I like the image enough to use it as a stand-alone joke. What's funnier than a middle-aged man in ladies underwear? Lots of things, I know, but who says this cartoon has to be the funniest thing ever? Check out the size of his package. What the...?

I anguished over how to draw the super villain's lair but I didn't want to clutter the whole thing up with all kinds of machinery and sciency stuff, so I went with a sparse, modern look. I figure his death ray machine is in another room.

Until next time, ...don't forget to tell all your friends to follow me on Twitter. I don't know why, exactly, but do it.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this morning. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days *
2 (+6). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (-1). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
4 (-1). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
5 (+5). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
6 (N). Stitches: A Memoir
7 (-3). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
8 (+9). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
9 (+2). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
10 (-5). Watchmen
11 (-5). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
12 (+6). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
13 (-1). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
14 (+5). Asterios Polyp
15 (-2). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
16 (-7). The Complete Persepolis
17 (-1). Batman: Year One
18 (-11). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
19 (N). The TOON Treasury of Classic Children's Comics
20 (-6). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
21 (+1). Batman: The Long Halloween
22 (+4). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
23 (+9). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition
24 (R). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
25 (+4). Parker: The Hunter
26 (-2). Fun Home
27 (-7). Tumor Chapter 1 (Kindle)
28 (-5). V for Vendetta
29 (+2). The Stonekeeper's Curse (Amulet, Book 2)
30 (-3). The Complete Peanuts, 1973-1974
31 (N). World of Warcraft Vol. 2 HC
32 (-11). American Born Chinese
33 (+10). Final Crisis
34 (-8). A.D.: New Orleans After the Deluge
35 (+1). Yotsuba&!, Vol. 6 *
36 (N). Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth *
37 (-4). Batman: Dark Victory
38 (-4). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
39 (-). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
40 (N). Warcraft: Legends Volume 5
41 (N). The United States Constitution: A Graphic Adaptation
42 (-5). The Arrival
43 (R). Mouse Guard Volume 2: Winter 1152
44 (R). Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451: The Authorized Adaptation
45 (R). Bone: One Volume Edition
46 (N). Angel, Volume 5: Aftermath *
47 (-7). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
48 (-13). The Joker
49 (-21). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
50 (R). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Now that classes are in swing, the University Effect seems to be wearing off. This causes other books (e.g. the Wimpy Kid volumes) to slide back up into the top ten. Watchmen slides down to the #10 slot, which I believe is the lowest it has been since I started keeping track of these charts.

* A very high debut for David Small's Stitches: A Memoir, which goes to show that the surest way to pop up into the top ten is a positive review in the New York Times.

* Other debuts include the Spiegelman- & Mouly-edited The TOON Treasury of Classic Children's Comics; a couple of volumes based on the Warcraft computer games; Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth, a biography of Bertrand Russell; and The United States Constitution: A Graphic Adaptation, which has been out for a year now.

* The only manga on the list is the pre-order for the latest volume of Yotsuba&!. And Marvel is absent; how long will their new Mouse-eared overlords stand for Marvel's anemic trade program?

Psycho Analyzes

Bizarro is brought today before your face by Signage Improvement.

I'm not sure why I drew myself as the analyst in this cartoon. I didn't really mean to, it just sort of came out that way in the pencil sketch and got even more so when I inked it.

Perhaps it is what they call a "Freudian slip." Perhaps I have a closeted sheep within me that I am afraid to embrace. Buried deep in the cockles of my being could be mounds of squooshy wool and big floppy ears, yearning to bleat and graze and follow the herd from hill to dale.

Or, maybe I am the wolf, wishing I could break the societal constraints of our culture and run naked in the wild, ripping the throats out of weaker beings.

Perhaps I secretly see myself as the table, patiently waiting in silence to offer a sip of water or a tissue.

Or, I'm just an egomaniac who likes to draw himself. Kind of pathetic.


Until next time...if you want to distract the monkeys, you may have to throw some bananas.

CONTEST #3 WINNER

The winner of this week's contest is Joe K. from Illinois. Congrats, Joe, send me your mailing address in a comment (which I won't post) or an email and I'll send you your booty!

It has come to my attention that this contest is too easy. So next week, I'm going to throw a wrench in the works to make it a little tougher for the "flip back and forth between tabs" style competitors. Level the playing field a bit.

Thanks again for playing, a cartoon post follows.

Which late comic will we kick around now?

2009 is a banner year, with both Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine & Planetary publishing their long-delayed conclusions.

Which comic will now become the poster child for extremely late comics?

I'm voting for the final issue of Ambush Bug: Year None, which was originally due out in January...

Contest #3

RULES:
1. This week there are 12 differences in the two cartoons below.

2. First person to post all 12 differences in the comments section of this blog wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed directly to them from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn, NY.

3. Winner must agree to send me a picture of themselves with their winnings. (Hey "Tex", winner of the first contest, where's your pic?)

4. Put your mailing address in with your comment, I won't post it. I won't even keep any address other than the winner's, I'm not into collecting addresses.

5. List of differences must be in English to be eligible.

HINTS:
1. Hurry, all winners so far have been in the first five minutes after posting.
2. Click on the images to make them bigger.
3. Do not circle the differences on your computer screen with a Sharpie. I can't see that.

Good luck, and happy hunting.

Finding the Dumb

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Target Audience.

Recently, I received an email from a disgruntled stranger who accused me of being too surreal and confessed to being dumbfounded as to how I ever got syndicated. This cartoon might have had a similar dumbfounding effect on him.

I can understand being riled enough to write to someone to disagree about philosophy, religion, politics, or ethics. But it never ceases to amaze me when someone writes just to tell me they don't "get" my work. It seems a lot of trouble to go to in order to tell a stranger that you don't understand them.

The internet makes cowards into bullies and losers into mob kingpins. It's a small price to pay, though, for instant research at your fingertips and free porn.

BIG CONTEST LATER TODAY...IMAGES POSTED AT 6PM NEW YORK CITY TIME.