CONTEST TOMORROW!

That's right, kittens and bunnies, Bizarro Contest #5 will be posted tomorrow, Sept. 24th, at 4pm NYC time. As usual, one lucky blog reader who posts the correct answers in the comments section will win something they do not currently possess. And isn't that what life is about?

But this week, we're trying something different! Instead of the first person to post the correct answers, I'm going to choose the SEVENTH person. Why? Because it's different and I'm easily bored.

Rules of the contest will be posted with the contest tomorrow, but if you want to get a leg up on how we play the game, read about the previous contest from last week.

May the fuzziest critter win!

Mission Accomplished

Bizarro is brought to you today by Religious Obedience.

Readers of this blog know I'm no fan of religion, especially the big three middle eastern ones: Xtianity, Islam, and Jewishism. Private versions of these don't bother me, but I get nervous around the fundamentalist versions of any of them. I'm not saying I don't like any of the people who practice these things, most everyone I know or am related to is a member of one of the big three, so don't get all "you prejudiced!" on me. And I don't think all religious people are dangerous, far from it. Nor do I think atheists are more likely to be "good" people, although they are certainly not more likely to be "bad" people, as many religious types believe.

I'm just saying that without religion there wouldn't be suicide bombers, stupid or otherwise. Maybe one or two lunatics willing to blow themselves up every century, but nothing like the ample supply the world now enjoys.

Of course, there also wouldn't be jokes that start, "A priest, a rabbi, and an ayatollah walk into a bar..." so maybe the trade off is worth it.

I wasn't sure this cartoon would fly (pun intended) so soon after 9/11, but it published and I didn't hear a peep. The fact that it is making fun of our perceived enemy and not "us" is one likely reason.

Until next time, may the blessings of the magic thing(s) you believe in fill your pockets with good fortune, and may your umbrella be sturdy.

Cowboyz II Men

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cowboys in Tight Pants.

Many readers under a certain age won't recognize "high noon" as the old west cliche that it is, but I can't do anything about that.

When I was a kid in the late 50s and early 60s, most TV shows, movies and toys aimed at boys were about cowboys and the old west. With the advent of the space race and the cold war came the switch to space shows and toys in the mid-60s. Everything has been sci-fi since then it seems, with a bit of fantasy and superheroes thrown in. I'm not complaining, just observing.

A long-winded way of saying that I still like to do cowboy gags. This shot is of me backstage before hosting a Reubens Awards Show a few years ago. All hat, no cattle.

Homeschool Maelstrom

Thanks for all the thoughtful comments on yesterday's cartoon about homeschooling.

A few notes:
I've never known a homeschooling family, so the post was entirely off the top of my head and intended to be humorous and cynical, not accurate. I threw in some self-deprecating language at the end to that effect for good reason. I'm sure there are plenty of disparate examples of homeschool grads, bad and good, crazy and sane.

I moderate my comments, which means they don't post until I read them and approve or reject them. That explains why none showed up until this morning. Sorry for the delay, but it's the only thing I've found that keeps away the losers who verbally attack the other commenters. I reject almost nothing, except personal attacks that have nothing to do with the blog or cartoons and advertising links.

I actually wish I'd been homeschooled by cool, open-minded parents who dragged me all over the city and countryside to learn about the real world, as one of the commenters described. I went to Catholic school through 7th, then public school, so my degree of social and psychological warp is fairly average.

I don't envy parents trying to find a decent way to educate their kids these days. It's important and difficult. I sent my kids to public magnet schools, which I felt was a good combination of public and private schooling.

Yes, the links in the photos are from AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. Amazing site.

Heroes of Homeschooling

Bizarro is brought to you today by Homeschooling.

I have no doubt that the end of this sentence will get me in trouble with some of my readers, but homeschooling creeps me out. Sure, some homeschooling parents and home schooled children are probably fine. But most of them have to be a shade on the wrong side of psycho.

First, from what I've gathered in the extremely limited exposure I've had to the subject, most parents who choose homeschooling do so because they are religious nuts. That is to say that they don't want ideas outside of their own religion taught to their children. This is the sort of person who looks at their child more as a VCR they are programming than as an organic being with a mind of his own. Good luck with that.

I'm guessing there are also people who do it because they don't think the local schools are providing a good enough education for their kids. Fine, no argument. When my kids were school age, I, too, often suspected that many of their teachers were not all that good. In fact, I knew it. I'm sure that some of them couldn't correctly answer a single question in the first round of Jeopardy!. But I also knew that if I didn't get my kids out of the house for a large part of each day, it was going to end in a murder/suicide of some sort. I figured whatever educational edge the occasional half-ass teacher wasn't providing them, peer pressure and access to recreational drugs would make up for.

Finally, what could better prepare a person for dealing with the cruelty, mediocrity and gang-mentality of a world run by humans than 12 years of public school? When you're not putting up with a dull-witted bully, you're kowtowing to the chowderhead in authority and trying to avoid personal embarrassment by acting like you know what you're doing. Sounds like real life to me.

That's my authoritative, albeit uneducated opinion for today, now read the lengthy comments explaining how wrong I am. :)

Do You Want to Get Video Dated?

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

Snowjob

Bizarro is brought to you today by Marketing.

Whenever I've done satires of the famous "ascent of man" illustration in the past, I've gotten comments or emails from creationists. I'm guessing this one won't elicit the same response, but one never knows. This cartoon isn't about religion or science, of course, it's just a humorous take on a famous graphic.

If you click on the drawing, it will open a larger image of it and you'll be able to see that the first stage is a snowflake. Not that it matters.

Until next time...Enjoy your weekend and tell them that I said you could.