Colorwheel of Fortune

(Kids! Be the first in your local gang to click on the image above and see it BIG!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Birth of a Nation.

If you wake up enough to crawl over to a window and take a peek out the window, you may notice it's the weekend. That can mean only one thing on this blog – a Sunday comic post. But wait, today I've posted TWO Sunday comics! One from now and one from the past. Yes, this blog has time-travel capabilities.

The first difference you may notice in these cartoon is the pictures and captions are completely different. That's because I try (with varying success) not to copy myself. But look closer and you'll see deeper differences. Like color. In the cartoon above, the colors are nice. In the cartoon below, they are bad, ugly, hideous, flat, brash, rotten, crappy, garish, heinous, horrific, vomitous, nauseating, (consult Thesaurus to continue.)

That's because this older cartoon was drawn in 1999, just before I learned to color my cartoons on computer, instead of the old-fashioned method used by everyone from the turn of the nineteenth century until the computer age, designating each area with a number that represents the percentage of each of the available colors: red, yellow, blue, black. It was primitive and lord only knows how we managed in those days. We may as well have been coloring them with sticks dipped in plant dies in a log cabin by candlelight next to Abe Lincoln.

I do, however, like the line work in the older cartoon. Check out the hair of the victim's wife at far right, the one in the calamitous chartreuse outfit. I dig those curls.

A bit of fun backstory: I got an email from the offices of Wheel of Fortune (WoF, as we hardcore fans call it) and they liked this cartoon so much they would like an autographed copy to frame for their offices. What an honor. I wrote a book in the mid-90s about a book tour I took which was funded by readers and during which I stayed in their homes. In this book, "Bizarro Among the Savages," my driving force was spiritual advice given me by Pat Sajak. It was a true story. To my great dismay, no one from Sajak's office, or those of WoF ever contacted me about it. But then, the greatest spiritual leaders always prefer to remain in the background.

Friday Night Fights: Groo vs. An Army

from Groo: Hell on Earth #4 (2008) by Sergio Aragonés with Mark Evanier (words), Tom Luth (colors) & Stan Sakai (letters).

A plan? We don't need no stinkin' plan. It's a Free-for-All!

(click pick for larger)

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this morning. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5: The Ugly Truth *
2 (-). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together
3 (-). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
4 (-). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
5 (-). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
6 (-). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
7 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
8 (+3). Odd Is on Our Side *
9 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid Box of Books
10 (N). X-Men: Second Coming
11 (+6). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
12 (-2). The Adventures of Ook and Gluk, Kung-Fu Cavemen from the Future
13 (-1). Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale *
14 (+7). The Complete Peanuts Boxed Set 1975-1978 (Vol. 13-14) *
15 (+7). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
16 (+10). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
17 (-4). Walking Dead Volume 12
18 (N). Four Color Fear: Forgotten Horror Comics of the 1950s *
19 (N). American Vampire Vol. 1 *
20 (+3). Lost at Sea
21 (-5). Troublemaker Book 1: Alex Barnaby Series 3
22 (-7). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 7: Twilight *
23 (-3). Hetalia Axis Powers Volume 1
24 (-6). Dork Diaries 2: Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl
25 (+8). The Walking Dead, Book 6 *
26 (-11). The Cloud Searchers (Amulet)
27 (+5). Naruto, Vol. 49 *
28 (-3). Watchmen
29 (N). Berserk Volume 34
30 (-11). Kick-Ass
31 (+9). Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life
32 (+9). Blackest Night
33 (-3). Empowered Volume 6 *
34 (+12). The Walking Dead Book 5
35 (-8). Dark Tower: The Battle of Jericho Hill
36 (-22). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
37 (+10). V for Vendetta
38 (-14). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
39 (-8). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
40 (-3). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
41 (+4). American Born Chinese
42 (R). The Walking Dead, Book 1
43 (+7). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
44 (R). Green Lantern: Blackest Night
45 (N). Star Wars: Dark Empire Trilogy HC
46 (R). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
47 (-9). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb
48 (R). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
49 (R). The Walking Dead, Book 2
50 (R). The Amazing Screw-On Head and Other Curious Objects


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Yup, the new Wimpy Kid is still at the top of the chart, and at #9 on the overall list. The deeply-discounted Scott Pilgrim volumes clock in at #34, 35, 36, 37, 39 & 41 on the overall list. Dog Days is at #299. The bottom of the list is at #3,064 on the overall chart.

* A surprisingly high debut for X-Men: Second Coming at #10. I don't think an X-Men volume has ever placed so high before. Other debuts include Four Color Fear, American Vampire, Berserk, and Star Wars: Dark Empire Trilogy.

* Just one month out from the TV series debut, interest in The Walking Dead remains strong; the property takes up eight of the slots in this week's chart.

* The list was remarkably 'clean' this week; I only had to remove one item for not actually being a comic (last week it was at least ten!)

Dog Judge Voyeur

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jailer's School.

I got some interesting mail on the dog cartoon. A handful of people wrote to me and said how much they liked this cartoon, two of whom were professional cartoonists. This surprised me a bit, I didn't think it was all that clever, just sort of a funny visual. One site, The Comics Curmudgeon, one of my favorite daily reads and one that makes its bread by skewering cartoons, posted it just because they liked it. I secretly always wanted to be on that site but not for the eviscerating reasons that cartoons usually end up there. It was a dream come true.

Even more surprising was an email from someone who normally loves my work but hated this one because it was "cruel." Perhaps they did not realize it is only a cartoon man, no "real" people got hurt.

This brings us to Casual Friday. I've never worked in an office with a dress code and have always pitied those who do. It's particularly ridiculous when you have to wear something completely outside the norm, like a choir robe. Would people show less respect for someone in a suit? The British really go to town with this tradition, dressing their judges up like old women. Even their lawyers (which they have another name for; "chips" is it?) have to wear wigs and doilies. Try as I might, I cannot understand this kind of behaviour. (spelled the British way.) For consistency's sake, they should also make the defendants dress up in costumes. Perhaps something more amusing to break up all that black and grey. I'd like to suggest a duck costume since if things don't go well, they may be going "up the river."

Today's ancient offering is about history, science, voyeurism and religion. Here in NYC, people regularly spy on each other with binoculars and telescopes. It's just a given when so many of us live so closely together in high-rise buildings. You get used to it and don't think anything about it after a while. When I first came to NYC, my future wife, CHNW, used to routinely walk around her apartment at night in various stages of undress. I asked her why she didn't close her blinds and she said, quite innocently, "What's the point? The only thing across the street is a rectory full of priests." (Not to be confused with a rectum full...)

I shudder to think how many crises of faith she instigated as those poor souls struggled to maintain their commitment to celibacy. Except for the gay or pedophile ones, of course.

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LITERARY DEATH MATCH

If you've not been to a Literary Death Match event, you should go, they're lots of fun. A number of professional authors get up and read a short passage from one of their works, then three semi-celebrity judges comment on their work, their performance and whatever else comes to mind.

One such event is taking place on October 8th in NYC and I'll be the judge handling "whatever else comes to mind." The point is comedy and the result is funny. Be there, enjoy it, talk about it for the rest of your life.

Where: Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery, (between Bleecker and Houston) map
When: Doors open at 7 pm, show starts at 7:30 (sharp), afterparty at Von (on Bleecker)

Cost: $10 at the door, $7 pre-order.

(Super Secret P.S.: if you come to the event and whisper the password into the bouncer's ear, I'll give you a free package of Bizarro Trading Cards!) Password: Lick my neck

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WILL FRANKEN THIS WEEKEND!

San Francisco Area peeps, do not forget to go see Will Franken this Friday and Saturday night at The Purple Onion. You will not regret your actions and I will offer this personal, iron-clad guarantee: If you don't think he is one of the most brilliant performers you've ever seen, I will fully refund your sense of doubt by shouting, "YES HE IS!!"

Click here for the full story and more info. Tickets at the door only.

Angel Horse English

Bizarro is brought to you today by Great Abs.

After more than 25 years as a daily cartoonist and over 9000 published cartoons, I find that I sometimes copy myself. This angel cartoon is one such occasion. When I wrote it a few weeks ago, I thought it was completely original, but a few days after it was submitted I was digging through old archives, gathering super hero cartoons for my next book, and saw an old Bizarro with the identical concept. If I'd thought to write down the date, I could have shown it to you here.

Instead, I'll have to use what I call "language" to describe it: A couple of angels in Heaven are looking at another angel who is upside-down, his head and shoulders buried in the clouds. His halo is above his feet, his robe is falling down, but not far enough to expose his underpants (which would be considered pornographic by daily funny pages standards.) One of the two onlookers says, "In life, he was a performance artist."

I was shocked to find that I had ripped myself off so closely without even knowing it; thank god it was one of my own gags and not someone else's. I've done that on a couple of occasions, too, and felt like a quantity of feces.

And now a horse-in-a-bar joke. This is one of those weird cartoons that doesn't relate much to real life, but to me, much of the humor is in the look on the horse's face. I put a lot of effort into getting just the right attitude and expression on my characters, I hope you, the reader, notice and appreciate that. Some do, some don't, that's the way the cartoon cookie crumbles.

I got out of the habit of posting older cartoons for a while, but I enjoy it and so do many readers (perhaps you are one of those?) so I'm back to it today. I've always enjoyed this take on the cliche of the guy whose wife doesn't understand him. In fact, this guy could have been me.

When I was 20, I traveled through Europe with a backpack and a train pass and while in Milan, I met a beautiful Romanian woman who was a few years older than I. We spent many weekends visiting museums and parks together and I developed a huge crush on her and would have been stupid enough to marry her and take her back home with me if she'd been willing. Thankfully she wasn't. She spoke five or six languages fluently, but English was not one of them. We communicated by means of a bizarre combination of the hundred-or-so English words she knew and the hundred-or-so Italian words in my vocabulary. The rest was pantomime and pictographs. It was terribly romantic but I can only imagine what calamity would have ensued if she'd come back to the U.S. with me, learned English, and we had found out what each other were really like.

I dodged that bullet, but caught many others throughout my foolish, youthful romantic escapades. But how many of us escape life without a few romantic bullet wounds? As somebody once said: Better to have loved and to have been ripped apart over and over again by the machine gun of ill-advised sexual choices than to have never loved at all. Amen, brother.