Monday, 18 May 2009

Lion All The Time

Bizarro is brought to you by Animal Planet.

This simple but highly effective pun came from the nobby noggin of my good friend, Cliff, a former pediatrician who now teaches Stanford med students how to intimidate children into remaining still while a stranger jabs them with a long needle.

Cliff is a funny guy with an unusual ability with language. He and I have been collaborating on a sort of comic book written in puzzle form. Cliff writes the puzzles, I do the drawings. It's a metric buttload of work and unless it sells a frillion copies I'll never see much money from it. But such is a life in the arts.

Once published, I am hoping each of my three fans will buy a third of a frillion copies so Cliff and I can eventually be paid for our time. Thank you in advance for your help.

Here is a sneak peak at an illustration from the book, with the puzzle removed. We don't want anyone stealing our mojo. To enlarge it, click the thumb of the cowboy at left.

FCBM5 Day 18

It's day eighteen of the Fifth Annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Paul S. The five comics that Paul listed are:

1. Sandman
2. Black Hole
3. Ice Haven
4. Percy Gloom
5. Watchmen

And his other thing of interest is heavy metal music.

For Paul I have the one-shot Lucifer: Nirvana by Mike Carey & Jon J. Muth.

For Paul's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Peanuts Halloween comic.

Paul's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
26 entries
44 free comics sent so far
13 days remaining

Sunday, 17 May 2009

FCBM5 Day 17

It's day seventeen of the Fifth Annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Jordan Lyall. The five comics that Jordan listed are:

1. New Avengers
2. Thor
3. Captain America
4. Amazing Spider-Man
5. Batman

And his other thing of interest is the Los Angeles Dodgers.

For Jordan I have the first three issues Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do by Kevin Smith & Terry Dodson.

For Jordan's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Peanuts Halloween comic.

Jordan's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
26 entries
42 free comics sent so far
14 days remaining

Bible Balloonery












(For a more enlightening view, click Moses's beard.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by
Sacred Loungewear.

Climbing mountains is hard. Stone is heavy. Climbing mountains with big stone tablets has got to be a real buzzkill. And this was before backpacks and comfortable hiking boots. Imagine climbing down a mountain wearing a bathrobe and slippers, carrying a slab from the sidewalk. Yet Moses did this for God because God didn't want to go all the way down to the bottom of the mountain and give the ten commandments to the Israelites Himself and have to deal with all the hubbub what with people fainting and wanting autographs and all. Moses was a true friend.

But it just seems that balloons would have been easier for Moses to deal with on that climb. And attention grabbing, too. Nothing grabs everyone's attention like walking into a room with ten shiny, Mylar balloons. Maybe next time.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

FCBM5 Day 16

It's day sixteen of the Fifth Annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Steve Wass. The five comics that Steve listed are:

1. Green Lantern
2. The Walking Dead
3. New Avengers
4. Mighty Avengers
5. Sgt. Frog

And his other thing of interest is target shooting.

For Steve I have the first issue of Joe Casey & Andy Suriano's Charlatan Ball.

For Steve's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Peanuts Halloween comic.

Steve's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
26 entries
38 free comics sent so far
15 days remaining

Spongerobert Quadrilateraltrousers

Bizarro is brought to you today by SpongeKim Roundpants.

I liked this joke when I wrote it a couple of months ago and I still like it today. If I like it when I'm on my deathbed, my life will not have been in vain.

"At least I wrote a good joke about an anthropomorphic cleaning utensil back in '09," were the artist's last words.

People say this Spongebob show is entertaining, even for adults, but I've never seen it. I've always heard that sponges are breeding grounds for bacteria, though, so if I had small children I think I'd be uncomfortable letting them play with him.

Big 'nuts

This special edition of Bizarro has been made possible by a generous dose of Real Life.

I got the idea for this cartoon from seeing a picture of Randy's Donuts in Los Angeles. From there, I leapt to the not-uncommon belief that aliens helped build some of the wonders of the ancient world like the pyramids and soforth, and arrived at this joke.

A day or two after it ran in the paper, I got a nice email from a couple of groovniks whose last name is "Oh," and who had used this pic of themselves for their holiday card one year. I asked if I could post it on my blog and they said no, but I did it anyway because I am an inconsiderate ass. One of the fringe benefits of having no money or assets is that you don't care if people sue you.

I changed the name of the donut place because I figure Randy is famous enough without my help. How could you not be famous with a huge donut on your roof?

(NOTE: I lied. My new friends, the Ohs, did give me consent to post this picture of them so I am not the inconsiderate ass I pretended to be above. Please go back to thinking of me as a role model of civility and compassion.)