Bizasso

Quick clarification: In the title panel for this past Sunday's cartoon, I made a stupid mistake, which is doubly bad because I made it once before. When I created this panel, I looked up the sign language alphabet to spell out "Bizarro." Evidently, I looked at the wrong sign for "R" and used the one for "S" instead, so my original title panel spelled out "Bizasso," a mistake brought to my attention by several readers back in March when I first used it. I corrected the drawing later and placed the revised version in my files for future use. But like a doofus, I forgot to remove the incorrect version.

Yesterday, I used the incorrect one again, and again it was pointed out to me by readers. Some people never learn.

Personal Hell

(Make the Cartoon BIG by clicking the devil)

This episode of Bizarro is brought to you by Rainy Day Fun.

My version of hell would be to stand in line to audition for a reality TV show. Standing in line for anything for more than ten minutes is grueling, add to that the sort of delusional would-be "stars" that a show like American Idol most certainly attracts and you've got a party only Lucifer could imagine. I have no idea how the show works, but I'm guessing that tens of thousands of people try out each year and the vast majority of them are less talented than my cousin Ricky, who had his accordion taken away by the local city council.

Strange Week

Bizarro is brought to you today by Summer Weather.

I've been getting a lot of emails and blog comments in the last couple of days about the cartoons of July 10 and 11. I drew these five or six weeks ago and I suppose I was having an ambiguous week. Sometimes I get experimental in subject matter, or humor, or color scheme, and even if it doesn't work for everyone, I think it keeps the feature fresh. For me, at least, which I think is important. If I get bored, it will show.

This cartoon about the happy family means nothing more than what it looks like. It's just funny to me. "Let's get started!" doing what? I don't know. What do happy, perfect families do at home at night? I don't know anyone who had one, so I've no experience to draw from.

When I was a child, my own family looked very normal from the outside, the quintessential Ozzy-and-Harriet dreamworld. And even though we ate dinner together every night, then settled in to watch TV, it was not the utopia pictured above.

Night after night, we were forced to watch industrial training films from the linoleum industry over and over again. To make certain we were paying attention, my mother shot live rounds over our heads. Dad watched from a dog cage under the dining room table, barking and panting like a Golden Retriever. One of my sisters was born with gills and lived in an oil drum full of water. Her splashing would spot the TV screen with rainbow dots of magnifying liquid.

Maybe this cartoon was just therapy for me.

REGARDING YESTERDAY'S CARTOON: A few people have complained that suicide isn't funny. I agree, I lost a good friend to suicide. But humor of this kind is a uniquely human practice and serves a valuable purpose for us. To find humor in what scares or horrifies us gives us a psychological edge over the tragedy. This kind of humor has existed in human cultures for as long as we've been writing things down.

Some time ago, I promised a reader I would not picture suicide in my cartoons for the very reason that some of you were offended, and I've kept to that. But I think a cartoon such as this one is so far fetched and the reader is left to wonder/assume what has happened to the woman, that it does not strike the same chord. To me, anyway. One person accused me of being sexist because the cartoon insinuates that all men want when they come home from work is sex from their woman. This cartoon is not about what men want when they come home from work, but that if a man comes home from work and sees his partner's clothing spread seductively in a trail across the floor, 99% of them are going to think of sex. Either she is seducing him, or she has already seduced someone else. It's not insulting, its human nature.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Beppo the Super Monkey leads the rest of the Super Pets into action on J. Bone's cover to Super Friends #14 (2009).


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this morning. All the previous caveats apply.

1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
2 (-). Watchmen
3 (+28). Asterios Polyp
4 (+1). Final Crisis
5 (-2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
6 (-2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
7 (+17). Green Lantern: Rage of the Red Lanterns
8 (-). Fruits Basket Volume 23
9 (+1). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
10 (+1). The Complete Persepolis
11 (+14). Naruto, Volume 45
12 (+4). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
13 (-7). Maximum Ride, Vol. 1 Manga (kindle)
14 (-). Batman: The Killing Joke
15 (-8). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
16 (+4). V for Vendetta
17 (+4). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition *
18 (N). 100 Bullets Vol. 13: Wilt *
19 (+29). Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 2
20 (N). Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 1
21 (-12). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
22 (+6). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
23 (-11). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
24 (-11). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
25 (N). The Boys, Vol. 4 *
26 (N). Bone: One Volume Edition
27 (+20). The Dark-Hunters, Vol. 1
28 (+8). Negima!: Magister Negi Magi, Vol. 23
29 (N). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
30 (-3). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
31 (N). Junjo Romantica Volume 10
32 (N). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1
33 (+13). Batman: Year One
34 (N). Parker: The Hunter *
35 (-16). Batman: R.I.P.
36 (-14). American Born Chinese
37 (N). Y: The Last Man, Volume 9: Motherland
38 (N). Unmanned (Y: The Last Man, Vol. 1)
39 (N). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
40 (+4). Achewood Volume 2: Worst Song, Played On Ugliest Guitar *
41 (N). Tsubasa 22: RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE
42 (-25). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
43 (-9). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
44 (N). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
45 (-4). Star Trek: Countdown TPB
46 (N). Y: The Last Man, Vol. 10: Whys and Wherefores
47 (-5). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
48 (-18). Starman Omnibus Vol. 3
49 (N). Batman: The Long Halloween
50 (-32). Warriors: Tigerstar and Sasha #3: Return to the Clans

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* See what rave reviews in the mainstream press will get you? David Mazzuchelli's OGN Asterios Polyp jumps way up to the number three slot this week.

* Final Crisis surprisingly stays strong, moving back ahead of a couple of Wimpy Kids.

* Several Green Lantern collections perform well this week, although Sins of the Star Sapphire falls, predicating what is sure to be a flash-in-the-pan for the others.

* Highest debut this week belongs to the final 100 Bullets volume in a pre-order. Other pre-orders debuting well are The Boys, Vol. 4 and Parker: The Hunter.

* A good week for manga. (What is Junjo Romantica, and why is the 10th volume debuting relatively well?)

Nude Diving

Bizarro is brought to you today by Moth Lingerie.

I normally blog about my cartoons a week after they have run in the paper, but I've decided to bump this one up in the queue because I've gotten a lot email about it.

The cartoon is meant to be a guy coming home from work and, seeing the trail of clothing, assumes his wife wants to have sex. Instead, she has jumped out the window, presumably to her death.

I didn't realize there would be so many ways to interpret this, but I've heard plenty. Some excerpts:

"Are they his clothes and he can't wait to put them on and then sneak out the window?"

"Is his wife some kind of naked Superwoman?"

"Is his naked wife trying to lure him to the fire escape so he'll be blown up by the TNT on the sofa?"

"There seems to be a syringe on the sofa pillow. Did his wife get high and then jump out the window naked, thinking she could fly?"

More than a few people asked about the firecracker on the sofa pillow wondering if it figured into the joke, a couple thought it was a syringe. If you are among those readers who have never noticed, I hide little symbols like that in virtually all my comics for no good reason. The current list is: Firecracker/dynamite, eyeball, pie, alien, bunny, K2, upside down bird, a man's loafer, a fish tail, a crown, and the exceedingly rare arrow in the back. The number above the signature tells you how many symbols to look for, a la Al Hirschfeld.

That should clear up the mystery. I now return you to a nation mourning the death of Michael Jackson.

Armor vs. Reebok

Today's Bizarro is brought to you be People Puppies.

When I see a movie in which ancient warriors are whacking away at each other with 15 lbs. swords, in heavy armor and skirts and sandals, I always imagine how easy it would be to defeat them if you had a pair of good, modern running shoes and a lightweight sword. While they are struggling in slow motion under the weight of their equipment, just run around behind them and stab them in the ass.

If you're now saying "But Dan, since you're traveling back in time with modern athletic shoes, why not just bring a gun, too?" shut up right now. This is my fantasy, and I want it to be at least a little bit fair. Any ape with a trigger finger can defeat pre-gun opponents if they're wielding a gun. Where's the honor in that?

If you're now saying, "But Dan, where is the honor in any fight against ancient people with whom you have no quarrel? Aren't you just trying to say, 'look how smart I am with my fast modern shoes and lighter weapon? Don't you feel silly now in all that gigantic, macho armor? Who's the tough guy now?' " didn't I just tell you to shut up?