RARE PERFORMANCE ALERT

Hello, person.
I am performing some comedy this weekend in Philadelphia, please come by and say hello if you're in the area or willing to travel.

It's a 90-minute show in which I'll have a 20 minute set of my own usual cartoons and comedy stuff and another set in which I'll do a thing called "dueling cartoonists" with a friend of mine. The show is part of the Philly Fringe Fest and is all about vegetarianism, but is supposed to be funny and entertaining in spite of that. All I can guarantee is that my two sets will be.

I'll also be available for talking to face-to-face, and will likely be selling some of my trading cards or books or something. Depends what I can find around the house. CHNW will be there, too!

Show: Veggie Cabaret II
Date: Saturday, September 5th, 2009
Show time: 8pm, approximately 90 minutes, including intermission
Venue: The Rotunda, 4014 Walnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104
Tickets: $15, cash/checks at the door. Advanced tickets can be purchased through the Live Arts and Philly Fringe Box Office online at www.livearts-fringe.org starting early August or by calling 215-413-1318 after August 24th.
Ticket Special: $20 for first 8 parties of 2-3 that reserve Cabaret-style seating and vegan dinner platter.
Contact: Lisa Levinson at lisa@publiceyephilly.org or (215) 620-2130. Visit www.publiceyephilly.org for more info.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Now that's what I want in my Jimmy Olsen comics: Jimmy facing off against a giant green ape! Brad Walker, John Livesay & Pete Pantazis do the honors on the cover to Action Comics #854 (2007).

(Standard disclaimer about giant Kryptonite-infused apes not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Trouble in Bug Paradise

(To enlarge the funny picture, click the cockroach's pointy butt)

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Reproductive Cycle of the Beetle.

This cartoon was particularly fun to research and draw as I'm a fan of insects in general. I don't like the harmful ones, like mosquitoes, lice, ticks (technically an arachnid), etc., but the rest are always welcome in my presence.

A few years back, CHNW and I spent a couple of months in Costa Rica in a hut in the jungle. Brought my computer and some art supplies and just worked my regular daily schedule there, uploading my work via a very unreliable internet connection (our only electronic convenience). Very large and strange insects used to wander through our living and cooking area daily and we really enjoyed the visits. I quickly learned to get all my computer work done by day, as the glow of the screen at night would attract swarms of flying buzzies. By the time we got back to Brooklyn, my keyboard and screen were both speckled with dead bugs, like a smiling biker's teeth after a road trip.

We both remember a large preying mantis that landed on CHNW's shoulder and turned back and forth, alternately challenging us both with his kung fu magic. Except for the ne'er-do-well vagabonds we rented our apartment to trashing the place and skipping out on half the rent while we were gone, it was a great trip.

Until next time, keep the ants off of your uncles...

FOR ADULTS ONLY!!!!!!!

This is a cartoon that I submitted recently but which was rejected for content. The term "up yours" was considered a little too racy for most newspaper funny pages, so it didn't get published. It was actually written by J.C. Duffy, of The Fusco Brothers and The New Yorker. He didn't have a market for it, so he offered it to me.

I knew it was "iffy" when I drew it, but I hoped "up yours" was innocuous enough to get by. I guess I should have known better. Lord knows what kind of calamity and social decay would have been wrought upon western civilization if this kind of profanity were to be printed in a comic. The body shudders, the mind reels.

Profanity is profanity purely and only because we all agree that it is. If we stop forbidding certain words or phrases, they immediately lose their power. These kinds of words have the magical power to offend simple because we endow them with it. The myth of profanity exists purely because we believe in it, which, in my opinion, is archaic.

I've never studied the subject, but my brain tells me this likely started ages ago when people were more ridiculously superstitious (I say "more" because people are still superstitious, but we weed certain traditional taboos out over the centuries and tell ourselves we're not) and they feared that saying certain things about god would bring his wrath down upon us. (I know, some people still believe that.)

From there, I suspect we added certain sexually-loaded language to the list, fearing that if we spoke these kinds of words, orgies would break out and society would collapse. I know from personal experience that there are people living in the United States of America in the 21st century who actually fear that if their children hear (or read) about homosexuality, they will become homosexual. These are people with jobs and college educations and drivers licenses.

Personally, I think it is all a lot of hooey. When I was raising my daughters, they were not denied knowledge of profanity, but told that certain words and phrases were off limits only until they were old enough to understand the social implications and use them appropriately. I didn't want my six-year-old using language that other people would use to make inaccurate assumptions about their character.

Not surprisingly, this worked. They weren't forbidden from knowing or uttering these things, they were simply warned of other people's reactions to them if they did and asked to wait until they fully understood this concept before they talked that way. Both are now well-rounded, happy adults. Their brains didn't explode.

I also did this with all matters of sexuality, illegal drugs, manners of dress, etc. If you tell your kids the truth and give them good, factual information on which to make their decisions, they tend to make the right decisions. Imagine that.

I could go on and on about the myth of profanity, but it wouldn't make any difference, so f*ck it.

I hope you like this cartoon, as a person who hates doing laundry, I got a chuckle out of it.

Please Forward This Post

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jabba the Stud.

I get a couple of hundred emails every day. Some are personal notes from people I know, some are from readers, some are about business, some are "action alerts" from various groups in which I'm interested, and some are forwarded jokes and supposedly funny pictures.

I don't read all of my emails because I neither have the time nor the interest. I can tell from the subject line and address what most of them are about and I just hit "delete" on all of the stuff I don't care about. That's probably what you do, too. What I don't understand, though, is when people get upset about unsolicited email they get and go out of their way to write to someone and insist they be taken off the list. I find it so much easier and less insulting just to delete them. (I'm not talking about Viagra spam and the like, which doesn't work even if you complain. That's what spam filters are for.)

I recognize that not all computers and email programs are the same. If you're on an old system that takes more than a split second to download mail and requires you to open each email to find out if you want to read it or not, I can see how excess mail would be bothersome. Perhaps wrongly, I assume that almost everyone has a fast system now and that all they are really complaining about is having to flick their finger to delete something they don't want. I'm probably as off base about this, but it just seems like there are better things to get huffy about.

By the way, I do personally read and respond to all of the emails I get from Bizarro readers, except when I don't. Occasionally I get very behind on email – with stuff I've flagged to be read and responded to, not the "instant delete" stuff – and I don't answer emails I mean to. If you've ever written to me asking something that requires a response and you didn't get it, it was an accident, I wasn't just being a poo-donkey. Sorry.

That being said, please don't write just to see if I'll respond. That would make me huffy. If you really want to know something, though, feel free.

Here is are lists of my read/delete preferences:

Read: Fan mail, personal friends, business requests, purchase/shipping confirmations, hate mail, evites
Delete: Action alerts, political alerts, newsletters, forwarded jokes, advertisements, Facebook alerts, spam my filter missed
Eye-rolling revulsion: Series of patriotic pictures reminding me to support the troops, series of lovely pictures reminding me to appreciate the simple things in life, series of nature pictures reminding me that God is with me always, links to inspirational videos and songs

Since I have time, so I'm going to post once more today. A rare two-post day. See next post.

Until tomorrow – in the feast of life, be the fiber, not the fat.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days *
2 (-). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
3 (+4). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
4 (+2). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
5 (-). Watchmen
6 (+2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
7 (+4). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
8 (+6). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
9 (-). The Complete Persepolis
10 (-7). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
11 (-7). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
12 (+8). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set *
13 (+4). Parker: The Hunter
14 (+12). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
15 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
16 (+2). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
17 (+5). Fun Home
18 (-8). Asterios Polyp
19 (-6). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
20 (+1). V for Vendetta
21 (N). A.D.: New Orleans After the Deluge
22 (+2). Batman: The Killing Joke
23 (+4). The Complete Peanuts, 1973-1974 *
24 (-5). American Born Chinese
25 (-10). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition
26 (-1). Batman: Year One
27 (-4). The Complete Maus: A Survivor's Tale
28 (R). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
29 (R). Final Crisis
30 (R). Batman: The Long Halloween
31 (+6). Mouse Guard Volume 2: Winter 1152
32 (R). Watchmen (hardcover)
33 (-17). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
34 (+14). Bone: One Volume Edition
35 (+6). The Arrival
36 (+7). The Joker
37 (N). Batman: Hush
38 (+2). Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451: The Authorized Adaptation
39 (-9). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
40 (-9). The Boys, Vol. 4
41 (N). Unknown Soldier Vol. 1: Haunted House
42 (N). The Manga Guide to Calculus
43 (-1). Green Lantern: Rage of the Red Lanterns
44 (-6). Dark Avengers Assemble (Dark Avengers, Vol. 1) *
45 (N). Blankets
46 (R). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
47 (-14). Angel: After the Fall, Vol. 4
48 (+1). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Mercy Thompson Homecoming is finally released, but can't quite topple the newest Wimpy Kid pre-order. It will be interesting to see how long it hangs out int he top ten.

* The rest of the top ten—seven out of ten titles—is dominated by the University Effect. Expect to see it continue through at least mid-September.

* Despite reports from certain comics gossip columnists, followers of these charts know that the Arkham Asylum GN has been hanging about in the low teens–mid twenties–upper thirties on the Amazon bestseller lists for many months now. There might be a little bump from the video game, but it's not very significant and we know that you can't judge trends just by looking at a one-time snapshot. If it moves up into the top ten, then maybe we'll have something; but until now we haven't ever seen movement on the graphic novel charts based on a video game release.

* The highest debut, A.D.: New Orleans After the Deluge, saw some favorable mainstream press, and was as high as at least #4 earlier in the week. Another debut, the first Unknown Soldier collection, also had some MSM attention, but didn't get nearly as high of a jump in the charts.

Visiting A Broad

Bizarro is brought to you today by Vixen Travel Services.

I like this cartoon for its simplicity. The absurd lack of geographic proficiency of Americans is embarrassing and reflects our arrogance. It is yet another item on the "Why They Hate Us" list, and who can blame them? Far too many Americans are too self-absorbed and intellectually lazy to find out what is going on outside of our own borders. Or inside, for that matter. That's how the network calling itself "Fox News" gets away with passing off their absurd propaganda as "news."

On a less stressful note, with all the excitement of yesterday's first Bizarro contest I barely got any sleep last night. By the time the Western press was finished with me, around midnight, the Asian press started in. It was exhausting.

This morning, the winner, a reader indentifying himself as "t. tex," wrote to me and I was surprised to find out he is a guy I knew way back in my squandered youth in Texas. When I was front man for The Doo, Tex was at the helm of the infamous Dallas punkrock band, The Nervebreakers.

Tex is in Austin now, (good choice) and has a pretty interesting blog about music and other odd things. I got lost there this morning, applying my eye bones to the many peculiar photos and sundry art, to which I will be linking in the future. Always fun to find a new source.

Gotta catch some shut eye now. Conan wanted me on his show tonight to talk about the contest, but I just can't make it all the way out to the West Coast on such short notice.

See you in dreamland, kiddies...