Italian Spiderman

This is still one of my favorite film trailers of all time. Italian Spiderman, my hero.

I Be Dazzled

(Want to make something bigger of this drawing, just click it)

Bizarro is brought to you today by the BeDaZzLeR!

As I was sitting in the penthouse suite of Bizarro International Headquarters writing cartoons one day (or, more accurately, trying to come up with a single f-ing idea) I was musing over the classic stranded-on-a-desert-island motif and wondering what would be the absolutely most useless thing that could wash up on such a beach. I hadn't thought of the BDzer in decades, didn't know if they even still made them, but I instantly loved the idea of covering the island with plastic jewels. Voila, a cartoon is born.

So that's the answer to the question that we cartoonists get fairly constantly, "where do you get your ideas?" The answer is "The BeDazzler."

Now that I've divulged the secret, everyone will be doing it.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days *
2 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
4 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
5 (+7). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
6 (-). Watchmen
7 (N). The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks *
8 (-1). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
9 (+6). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
10 (+1). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
11 (+5). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
12 (+7). The Complete Persepolis
13 (+7). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
14 (-9). Stitches: A Memoir
15 (-2). Asterios Polyp
16 (-8). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
17 (-3). Batman: The Killing Joke
18 (+3). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
19 (-9). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
20 (-11). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
21 (+2). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition
22 (-4). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
23 (+3). Batman: The Long Halloween
24 (-2). Parker: The Hunter
25 (-8). Batman: Year One
26 (+17). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
27 (+9). The Stonekeeper's Curse (Amulet, Book 2)
28 (+2). American Born Chinese
29 (R). Final Crisis
30 (-1). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
31 (-7). Angel, Volume 5: Aftermath *
32 (N). The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2: From the Bastille to Baghdad *
33 (+9). The Very Silly Mayor *
34 (R). Batman: Hush
35 (R). Achewood Volume 2: Worst Song, Played On Ugliest Guitar
36 (-11). Yotsuba&!, Vol. 6
37 (+12). Bone: One Volume Edition
38 (+9). The Surrogates
39 (N). Locke & Key: Head Games *
40 (+8). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
41 (-9). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
42 (N). The Sandman Vol. 5: A Game of You
43 (N). Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1 *
44 (-16). V for Vendetta
45 (-5). Fun Home
46 (R). Blankets
47 (R). The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists
48 (R). Bone Volume 6: Old Man's Cave
49 (N). Marvel 1602 Premiere HC *
50 (R). Halo: Uprising



Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks seemingly charts new way up at slot 7 this week; but I had previously left it off the charts on the mistaken belief that it was not a graphic novel. There's no way for me to go back and correct the old charts, but it's here now.

* The highest actual debut this week belongs to Larry Gonick's The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2. I think I've had mine on pre-order for over a year now...

* Also debuting this week are pre-orders for Locke & Key: Head Games; Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1; and Marvel 1602 Premiere HC.

* Yotsuba&! falls a bit, but is the only manga on the list this week.

* R. Crumb's Genesis is the top non-Wimpy Kid item this week, no doubt helped by the preview that appeared on BoingBoing last Friday.

Old School Thigh Master

Bizarro is brought to you today by Saw VIII: Bleeding From The Ears.

I have to admit I'm really pleased with this joke. It's a simple idea based on an iconic game of childhood innocence and curiosity, but with the addition of a single word becomes dark and disturbing. What more can one ask of a cartoon?

Speaking of dark and disturbing, I turned on TV last night to watch Hardball and Countdown and it happened to be tuned to some show called "Extra" on NBC. Within seconds I could see that it was a faux news show about celebrities, that generation of mutant journalism that I think "Entertainment Tonight" started.

The three, beautiful, twenty-something meat puppets hosting "Extra" were in the middle of a stiffly scripted "disagreement" over something Suzanne Somers uttered about Patrick Swayze's cancer treatment. One marionette thought Suzanne had a right to speak her mind, another thought it was too soon and she should have known better, the third thought she was wrong for saying anything but did the right thing by apologizing. Fascinating.

I know a lot of people watch these shows, you may be among them, and I do not wish to offend anyone kind enough to read this blog. But I can't stand them. I guess my revulsion begins in the premise that a celebrity's routines activities are elevated to the status of "news," and moves on through the mannequin performance of the cue-card-reading models who, by telling you about celebrities, become celebrities themselves. This concept is akin to a librarian becoming as famous as the authors of the books in her care.

Human fascination with celebrity is an interesting subject, the roots of which are deep within our evolution. Chimps have the same impulse within their own groups. In one behavioral study I read about, when given a choice between looking at a picture of a troupe leader or a food reward, they often chose the celebrity photo. How many American's would rather watch "Extra" or "ET" than eat a plate of nachos? Fortunately, as God's anointed species, we are not forced to choose and can simultaneously stuff our faces with Monterey Jack and Jacko. Still, I'd like to put some people in a cage and test this theory.

I'm not completely immune to the charm of celebrities myself, it is programmed into our DNA to a point, but I'm not interested in them enough to read magazines devoted to them or watch news shows about their hourly goings on.

And, for the record, I think Suzanne Somers should have said MORE about Patrick Swayze's treatment! Whatever the hell that means.

Until tomorrow...become a master of your own thighs.

Contest #5 WINNER!!!!

Sorry for the one hour delay in posting the contest, ladies, gentlemen and undecided. As promised, the seventh person to post the correct answers won, and that person comments under the name PEEFY!

This must have been a more difficult puzzle than the last four because it actually took 10 answers to come up with seven correct ones.

Here's the correct list, for those of you keeping score at home:
1. dynamite is colored
2. pocketbook becomes pear
3. cat on pamphlet becomes dog
4. goatee is missing
5. poster cat's eye has moved
6. pencil cup changes from eyeball to square thing
7. pencil becomes carrot
8. tape dispenser has eyeball
9. minute is misspelled
10. dog's arms are missing
11. animal hospital written on door
12. man at window has glasses
13. purse strap is missing
14. arm sticking out of mouth
15. husband becomes hasbeen

A few of my favorite incorrect answers:
Kangaroo's tie is missing
Glenn Beck has lost all sense of reality
Woman's cholesterol is lower

Hope you had fun. 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards will be loaded onto the Pony Express for PEEFY tomorrow!

Bizarro Contest #5

INTERNET PROBLEMS, JUST GOT BACK ONLINE. SORRY!

Just like last week, one image is the original cartoon, the warped image has been changed. Your mission, if you wish to go to bed tonight feeling as though your entire day wasn't a futile waste, is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion.
4. SEVENTH PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of this post wins 5 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn.
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.

Click on the images to make them bigger and happy puzzling, comrades! And remember, get those dogs, cats and husbands neutered!

CONTEST LATER TODAY!

That's right, you heard me. Bizarro Contest #5 starts today at 4pm NYC time.