Smart Apes

Bizarro is brought to you today by Ebony and Ivory.

Is there nothing to see here? Really?

One might have thought that there was nothing much left of racism in America until recently. Racism is a very primitive impulse, at one time in our distant past, it was beneficial to distrust those not from your "tribe." And while most of us have evolved to see the foolishness in that kind of thinking in modern society, there are still plenty of us who operate from the primitive parts of our brains. This kind of grunting, chest-beating throwback to our hairier ancestors rises and falls throughout history and so I suspect that this current wave, too, shall pass. Let's hope no serious casualties result in the meantime.

I often wish that "intelligent design" were true, so that our species might behave more intelligently.

This cartoon has nothing to do with racism, of course, it's just been on my mind lately. Tomorrow, a funnier post.

AMAZING COMEDY

One week from today, April 1st, I'll be appearing in a terrific comedy show in NYC benefiting Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. We have an amazing lineup (myself notwithstanding) and have just added Lizz Winstead, a true hero in the comedy world.

Lizz co-created The Daily Show, served as head writer, and hired such talents as Stephen Colbert and Lewis Black. She's also a well-known, national headlining comedian appearing on HBO, and in The Aspen Comedy Festival.

You won't get a lineup of headliners like this (myself notwithstanding) in any other single comedy show, I guarantee. And all the money goes to a great cause.

Get tickets here or suffer the consequences!

Robot's in TROUBLE!

Parrot Psychology

Bizarro is brought to you by The Life of the Artist.

Knowing how to ask for what you want in life is an important skill. Many people suffer through years of discomfort within a relationship because they don't know how to ask for what they want from their partner.

This includes everything from simple things like, "I'd like you to spend more time on the backs of my knees during our lovemaking," to more complex issues like, "I would feel more comfortable if you did not sleep in full combat gear."

After years of therapy, I recently asked CHNW if she would be more sensitive to my insecurities regarding my checkered past. Specifically, I'd like her to stop introducing me as her "former jailbird husband." She happily complied, she'd had no idea it bothered me. Why did I wait so long?

I encourage all of my readers to work on these areas, as our friend the parrot is doing today.

Craigslist

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Future of The Past.

One of my favorite sites on the Interwebs is You Suck at Craiglist. Notice I didn't link to the name just then? That's because if you go there, you'll be trapped for hours and won't get back to my blog. So there is a link at the bottom of this post for those of you who want to go there after you've read my own clever, daily musings. And for those of you who have already jumped to the bottom and clicked that link, I HATE YOU, YOU'RE UGLY AND STUPID AND MEAN!

Hey, here's some totally cool news. The iTunes site has picked my Bizarro phone app to put on their "New and Noteworthy" page. Thanks, Apple! I could use some sales!

The problem is that there are baziglions of apps on the market and more coming out every nanosecond, so to get noticed you have to be reviewed or featured on a bunch of different sites. It's hard.

Here's a pic of what it looks like on the iTunes site. Go there a buy my app, it's cheap and oh so cool to have! And it will get you that perfect soul mate you've been looking for, guaranteed!*






Here's the link to You Suck at Craigslist.

*Not an actual guarantee.

The Game or Life

Bizarro is brought to you today by Spirituality.

The seed for this cornstalk of a cartoon came from my good friend, Richard Cabeza. We call him "Dick," and sometimes translate his last name into English. But that's not the point.

The point is that I grew up in Oklahoma with fundamentalist Christians who believed that the popular Ouija Board game could be used by The Devil to control you. Grown adults at church would preach to other grown adults that they should not let their children play with this kind of "occult" toy and if they had one in the house, it should be burned. These were otherwise normally functioning adults capable of operating motor vehicles and holding down office jobs.

I'm guessing that in those households in which the Ouija Board had been removed, The Devil just switched to Scrabble. If you're even a moderately clever supernatural force of evil, I'm sure you can think of other ways to get bad ideas into kid's heads and damn their souls to eternal torment. TV news, movies, video games, rap music, the Old Testament, the world is full of violence, hatred and prejudice. Who needs board games?

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Gorilla body slam! on the cover to Human Defense Corps #2 (2003) by Clement Sauve Jr. & Juan Vlasco.

(Standard disclaimer about lab coat-wearing gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)

Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.