Sunday Punnies # 10

(For a larger view of this comic, click on the ostrich's beak)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unexpected Crime Waves.

If you are reading today's blog, there is a decent chance you read the fine print in my Sunday Punnies #10 cartoon that published today. Welcome! If you can hear the sound of my voice, adjust your computer and examine your meds. I'm not talking.

Here are three puns that were generously contributed by three different readers, whose names appear in microscopic print at the bottom of each panel of the triptych. Of course, they didn't do all the work. I figured out brilliant ways to portray them graphically or tweak them with additional dialogue, and I auditioned the thousands of actors it took to find the cast that would best represent the hilarity intended by M. Kaskel, Bill G. and Witte.

If you've got an idea for a pun, leave it in the comments section of any post on my blog. I don't publish the pun suggestions, so you'll never see it appear here, but rest assured that I am reading and considering each one. Don't forget to leave me an email address if you'd like to be notified of the date your pun will appear in Bizarro (should I choose it) and what name you'd like to appear on the panel. First or last and an initial is the most I can use, no full names allowed.

IMPORTANT: You'll receive no payment or compensation for participating. All you get is the glory and giggles of seeing your submission in print.
WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR: Original, unexpected puns. Please don't send things you've heard or read elsewhere.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: If you incur an injury while typing a pun to submit to Bizarro, it isn't my fault and I'm not even going to dignify your lawyer's accusations with a response. You must be 18 to vote, but you can submit a pun to me at any age. I really don't care. You need not be present to win, because you're not really winning anything and, after all, who among us is truly "present"? I mean besides Oprah.

Thanks so much! Hey, as long as you're here, click around on some of the other posts and see if you like what I'm doing. Don't miss the blue links, they're funny pictures!

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Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Alas, poor Doom, Mr. Fantastichimp knew you well on Frank Cho's variant cover for Fantastic Four #561 (2008).

(Standard disclaimer about super-stretchy chimpanzees not really being monkeys applies.)

Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5: The Ugly Truth
2 (+3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
3 (+1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
4 (+5). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together
5 (+2). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
6 (+2). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
7 (-1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
8 (+2). Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale
9 (+8). Diary of a Wimpy Kid Box of Books
10 (-7). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
11 (-9). Superman: Earth One
12 (+1). Walking Dead Volume 13 *
13 (N). Picture This: The Near-sighted Monkey Book
14 (+5). Dilbert: 2011 Day-to-Day Calendar
15 (+7). Batman and Robin, Vol. 2: Batman vs. Robin
16 (-). 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective
17 (-6). The Walking Dead, Book 6
18 (-). Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life
19 (-7). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 7: Twilight
20 (-5). Big Nate: From the Top
21 (-1). Dork Diaries 2: Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl
22 (-8). Odd Is on Our Side
23 (R). What It Is
24 (-1). The Walking Dead, Vol. 1: Days Gone Bye
25 (N). Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Boxset *
26 (-2). The Walking Dead, Book 1
27 (+1). The Walking Dead Book 5
28 (R). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
29 (N). Acme Novelty Library #20
30 (-9). Walking Dead Volume 12
31 (N). Stephen King's N.
32 (R). Tales from the Crypt #8: Diary of a Stinky Dead Kid
33 (-1). The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear The Hunters
34 (+1). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
35 (+7). The Walking Dead Volume 2: Miles Behind Us
36 (N). Tonoharu: Part One
37 (+6). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Became
38 (N). Absolute All Star Superman
39 (N). The Boys, Vol. 7: The Innocents *
40 (R). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
41 (-16). V for Vendetta
42 (+7). The Complete Peanuts Boxed Set 1975-1978 (Vol. 13-14)
43 (-2). The Adventures of Ook and Gluk, Kung-Fu Cavemen from the Future
44 (-8). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
45 (+3). The Walking Dead Book 2
46 (R). Dark Tower: The Battle of Jericho Hill
47 (-21). Batman: The Killing Joke
48 (-15). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
49 (-5). Scott Pilgrim Bundle Volumes 1-6
50 (N). The Little Prince Graphic Novel


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* After months on the chart as a pre-order, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5 finally comes out this week... and stays at #2 on the overall chart as it cannot budge Bush's memoir out of the top spot. The previous Wimpy Kid book gets a boost up to #2 on the comics chart and #64 overall.

* The Walking Dead Compendium and Superman: Earth One dip back below Scott Pilgrim, likely due to a boost from the SP movie's DVD release. Being out-of-stock also probably didn't help Superman this week.

* An interview on NPR helps Linda Barry's new Picture This debut high, and sees her previous book, What It Is, return to the chart.

* A plethora of other debuts this week include Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Boxset, Acme Novelty Library #20, Stephen King's N., Tonoharu, Absolute All Star Superman, The Boys Vol. 7, and The Little Prince Graphic Novel.

* Walking Dead watch: twelve collections in the top fifty this week.

* The bottom of the list this week is #2,352 on the overall chart.

Big News

Oprah Invites Hundreds Of Lucky Fans To Be Buried With Her In Massive Tomb

Attention: This is the New Face of Comics

Raina Telgemeier has a livejournal post about her recent book tour for her graphic novel Smile. Schools, book stores, libraries, conventions, even an orthodontist's office! Speaking to crowds as large as 220 (mostly kids). Doing a comics workshop for a bunch of middle school girls. Giving a lecture to a class of college students. It's well worth a read.

The future of comics is in good hands.

(link via The Beat)

See This Show

My good friend and comedy genius from another dimension, Will Franken, is doing another one-man show at The Purple Onion again soon. See it if you can, he is a rare performer without equal. Below are Will's own words:

Will Franken in “I’ll Be Your Neck”
The Purple Onion
140 Columbus Avenue, San Francisco
Saturday, November 20th
(2 shows; 8pm and 10pm)
$20

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/134380

Get your tickets now!

“I’ll Be Your Neck” is the story of one’s man pursuit to hold a woman’s head because she’s too beautiful to use her own neck.

It’s also the story of many other things as well. There’s an 8-year old black girl narrating Spike Lee’s remake of “Silence of the Lambs” (momma talk about the bad man sometimes. He wanted momma to put lotion on her skin. But momma didn’t want to. . .)

It’s the story of a jealous husband who sulks alone in his bedroom while Will laughs it up downstairs with the wife. Based on true events, Will plays the parts of the husband, the wife, and himself. “Honey, can I talk to you in the bedroom real quick? I can’t find my shoehorn! Will, how is the comedy going? Well, it certainly sounds like my wife is a huge fan! I can hear her laughing all the way upstairs in the bedroom where her and I sleep as husband and wife! Honey, can you please help me find the shoehorn?”

It’s the story of an inverse world where the white trash guys from Fresno are running tech support for Indians who don’t know anything about computers.

It’s the story of the big screen adaptation of “Handbags With Mary Beth On QVC” featuring Christopher Walken as Mary Beth, Crispin Glover as Joyce (his co-host), and Stephen Hawking as Caller #7.

It’s the story of how a man mistook a cowlick for a brain tumor and how the doctor still expects him to pay for an over-the-counter hair gel.

It’s the story, all right.

Come see this story and you’ll have plenty of stories to tell.

I’m Will Franken. And this is my story.

Wm.

(willfranken.com)

Homeward and Bound

Bizarro is brought to you today by Ageless Heroism.

I'm busy as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs this week as I try to get ahead on deadlines for my big trip next week to the land of milk and honey, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Next week, on Thursday and Friday, I'm doing a couple of events in my hometown as well as speaking to a few classes of art students at my old high school, visiting family and old friends, and breaking into pharmacies in the middle of the night. I've found it's even cheaper than ordering drugs from Canada.

It's a fun visit, but can be emotionally taxing. My family is great, no problems there (except for my brother's wife who drinks constantly and inevitably pulls me into a closet at my parent's house and tries to make out with me) but seeing how the old stomping grounds and its inhabitants have changed is a challenge.

"Oh look, that's where the Pagoda Palace used to be, where I took my prom date for an exotic Chinese dinner. Now it's 1/85 of a parking lot for Walmart."

"Oh, look, there is a girl I dated in high school, now she's a greeter at Walmart, a born-again Christian and has 16 children and counting."

"And who's that guy sitting in the front row of my talk at the museum? He looks a little like the father of Kurt, a kid I rode bikes with in junior high school. Oh, that's actually him – do I look that much like my dad did in 1971? I remember Kurt cheating off my paper in math class because he wasn't very smart. Right after college, he came up with some Internet thing, sold it for millions and hasn't worked in 29 years. Will you help me kill him?"

But the good outweighs the bad and I'm really looking forward to it. The breaking news this week is that my Dad, Fred Piraro, is going to be opening for me at the Elk's Lodge show. He'll be warming up the crowd with a few of his comedy stylings, then introducing me. He's done this kind of thing for me before and he's very good at it. He doesn't have any formal experience as a stand-up comic, but if you get a couple drinks into most old Sicilian guys, they pretty much become the life of any party. Or strangle someone with a piano wire. (We're keeping him away from the piano that night.)

Hope to see you there.

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