Prophetic Comedy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Xmas Celebrity Sightings.

Since we humans are so prone to superstition and mysticism, I could easily attribute the harrowing accident involving my wife and a taxi cab on December 10th to my cartoon that ran in newspapers on December 7th. It was undoubtedly an unwitting premonition, perhaps even a prophecy. I'll think twice before I use terms like "prescription for disaster" in Bizarro again. Whew!

Or, I could use the other 99.99999% of my brain and admit that not all coincidences have spiritual meaning. In fact, there's pretty much no evidence whatsoever that any of them do. Unless you choose to apply one, which I recommend you do at your own risk. History teaches us that superstition can lead to some pretty idiotic life choices. Like war.

T Rex has no superstitions, he just needs help in his cafe because he is short-handed. Get it? Short handed? What kind of damn fool dinosaur starts a cafe if he cannot even carry a tray without dropping it? And what does he do with the tables of patrons he knocks over with is mighty tail? Perhaps he just eats them. T Rexs can be like that.

My fanny pack riff got a few emails from readers with a better knowledge of anatomy than mine who informed me that the "liver pack" is on the wrong side of the man's body. What we actually have here is a "spleen pack." My bad, as surgeons up on malpractice charges frequently say.

Of course, if you want to get really picky, the "belly pack" is actually an "intestine pack." The stomach is much higher. Unless you want to be extremely liberal in your interpretation of "belly," but don't even get me started on that kind of irresponsible artistic license. Cartoons should be as factual as possible. If you can't trust the information in a cartoon, what can you trust?, I always say.

Don't forget all the life-changing Bizarro products that can be found somewhere around here. Perfect for holiday gift-giving!



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Christmas Covers - December 15

Let's celebrate Christmas with the Super-heroes 80s style on John Byrne's cover for Christmas with the Super-Heroes #1 (1988).

For each day of December until Christmas I'm featuring a Holiday-related comic book cover. (Click on the image to get a larger version.)

Come back tomorrow, and every day this month, for a new Christmas cover.

Just 10 more 'get-ups' until Santa!

(2009: Kollektivet Julealbum 2007)
(2008: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer #7)
(2007: Donald Duck & Co. #49/1964)
(2006: 2000 A.D. #763)
(2005: Incredible Hulk #378)
(2004: Batman #45)

(Polite Dissent's 2010 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar)
(2010 Comics Should Be Good Advent Calendar)
(Bully the Little Stuffed Bull's Riverdale Christmas)
(The Comics Cube's Christmas Countdown)  
(Brendan McKillip's Comic Advent Calendar 2010)

Catasrophe Update

For those of you who have not read the account of my beloved wife, CHNW, getting hit by an anonymous Taxi last Friday night in NYC, click here to catch up on the story.

Now that you're caught up, I just wanted to say thanks to all the quadrillions of you who have left nice comments, sent Facebook messages or emails, or used the pathetically old-fashioned telephone system to wish her well. She appreciates it and is doing great.

Here now are a few pics of the healing process. Photo number one is of us in the hospital. CHNW loves to take pictures of herself looking at all ridiculous, be it from bad hair, a funny wig or hat, silly sunglasses, or after she has bounced her head off the street. So this first picture is taken by her camera and her own hands, at the height of the festival of medical bills. I popped into the pic with my extra-big-deluxe-executive lip, which I pull out of storage any time there is a worthy "poor baby" situation, for which this certainly qualified.

Picture two was taken at home the following day as she lay in her luxurious four-poster bed, ringing a tiny bell every few minutes to summon me to help her because she was "dizzy" or "weak." What a big baby. Sometimes I had to get her a glass of water, sometimes a cup of soup, which entailed my peeling the paper lid off of a cardboard container and pouring hot water into it. You can't believe how hard it is to walk into the next room with one of those things without spilling it. Meanwhile, I had to make my own breakfast, lunch and dinner for two solid days! Now I know how Civil War nurses must have felt. No thank you, Clara Barton!*

She took this picture partly because she thought that the purple of the "boxer's eye" really set off the blue of the unmolested one. I couldn't agree more, that one side of her face has never looked lovlier.

Finally, here she is as she looks today, up and around and getting her own damn soup. It's great to have her back. The cool thing about CHNW's bruising is that because she has a mechanical heart valve (from a past medical problem, not the cab), she takes a blood thinner every day. This does weird things to her bruises and the resulting kaleidoscope of colors and shapes is breathtaking. It will change many times over the next few weeks, like an over-decorated house in the suburbs of Wichita, perfect for the holiday season.

What you may not be able to fully appreciate from this picture, though, is that her eye has a distinct oval of black and purple around it, the sort you might expect a first-year movie makeup student to do on their first attempt. If I were the instructor, I'd recommend a little less makeup and a little more blending. But what's really horrific is that just today she is beginning to develop a large circle of chartreuse around it, reaching all the way down to her jaw line. In the coming days it will get even more pronounced and promises to be positively Halloweeny. I'll keep you updated.

For those of you who have recommended litigation, rest assured that we have a close friend who is a very successful personal injury lawyer and he will be leading the charge against the ironically named, TLC. (Taxi and Limousine Commission) We don't want to retire to South America, just get the med bills paid and around $80,000 for my own pain and suffering while having to play nursemaid.

















*Note to those of you who do not know me personally: I'm not as big a jackass as I portray myself here. I've been taking good care of her and have not said a peep about being put out. I'm sure being a Civil War nurse was more difficult than what I've been dealing with. The amputations without anesthesia alone were probably a major buzzkill.


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Tania del Rio Returns to Sabrina

Tania del Rio's run on Archie Comics' Sabrina was the best thing published by Archie, well, probably ever. However, the 'manga-fied' version of the Teen-Age Witch never really caught on with Archie fans; but despite relatively low sales her story was allowed to run its course over nearly five years (issues #58-100), a respectable run by any measure.

Now tucked away quietly in page 218 of the December Previews is Archie & Friends #152. The story "All's Fair in Love and Food" finds Jughead seeking help from Sabrina to curb his love of food. And the story is written by none other than... (as if you couldn't guess from the lead-up) Tania del Rio!

It looks like this is the classic Sabrina, not del Rio's manga-ish version, but any Sabrina written by del Rio is worth a look.

Christmas Covers - December 14

Sugar and Spike wear an over-sized Santa suit on Sheldon Mayer's cover for Sal y Pimienta #151.

For each day of December until Christmas I'm featuring a Holiday-related comic book cover. (Click on the image to get a larger version.)

Come back tomorrow, and every day this month, for a new Christmas cover.


Just 11 more 'get-ups' until Santa!

(2009: Sugar & Spike #50)
(2008: Tom-Tom, The Jungle Boy #3)
(2007: Sugar & Spike #68)
(2006: Sugar & Spike #38)
(2005: Sugar & Spike #26)
(2004: Sugar & Spike #32)

(Polite Dissent's 2010 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar)
(2010 Comics Should Be Good Advent Calendar)
(Bully the Little Stuffed Bull's Riverdale Christmas)
(The Comics Cube's Christmas Countdown)  
(Brendan McKillip's Comic Advent Calendar 2010)

Christmas Covers - December 13

Cats and mice go caroling together on the cover of Pelle Svanslös Jul-album 1960.

For each day of December until Christmas I'm featuring a Holiday-related comic book cover. (Click on the image to get a larger version.)

Come back tomorrow, and every day this month, for a new Christmas cover.

Just 12 more 'get-ups' until Santa!

(2009: Robbedoes #2436)
(2008: Sugar and Spike #44)
(2007: Love Hina vol. 6)
(2006: Green Lantern: Mosaic #9)
(2005: Jonah Hex #34)
(2004: Starman #27)

(Polite Dissent's 2010 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar)
(2010 Comics Should Be Good Advent Calendar)
(Bully the Little Stuffed Bull's Riverdale Christmas)
(The Comics Cube's Christmas Countdown)  
(Brendan McKillip's Comic Advent Calendar 2010)  

Christmas Monkey Covers - December 12

For each day of December until Christmas I'm featuring a Holiday-related comic book cover.

Also, Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

So today we combine the two with Sugar Buzz #4 (1998), where those Bad Bad Monkeys join Santa and the rest of the Holiday Heroes on the cover by Woodrow Phoenix.

Come back tomorrow, and every day this month, for a new Christmas cover.

Just 13 more 'get-ups' until Santa!

(2009: Clerks Holiday Special)
(2008: Eternal Romance #3)
(2007: Liberty Meadows #24)
(2006: Veronica #6)
(2005: Dell Movie Classic #725)
(2004: Treasure Chest vol. 23 #8)

(Polite Dissent's 2010 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar)
(2010 Comics Should Be Good Advent Calendar)
(Bully the Little Stuffed Bull's Riverdale Christmas)
(The Comics Cube's Christmas Countdown)  
(Brendan McKillip's Comic Advent Calendar 2010)