Blissfully Unaware...

In the last poll, you thought Nut and Poo will...

escape! (58%)
be enslaved (16%)
be saved (16%)
be separated (16%)

Good to see you want Poo to regain freedom... but is it in the cards?

Spider Person

Bizarro is brought to you today by Heavy Traffic.

I've never held a tarantula, but I used to see them in the wild every now and then when I lived in Oklahoma and Texas. The first time I ever saw one was in 1963 when my dad came home from the golf course with one in a paper bag. He and his golfing buddies had seen it on the course and coaxed it into a small paper bag, like the kind they give you when you buy a pack of gum. (Dad had no idea at the time that they could jump many feet into the air.) He brought it home, called the kids out into the front yard and let it go. My sisters screamed, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world and wanted to keep it. Apparently we were a typical American family right off of a sit-com from the period, except that we didn't have a black maid. No idea what happened to the tarantula after that, my memory isn't what it used to be. (cough, cough, wheeze, creak)

I'm not all that happy with the bulldog-man's line here but it was the best I could come up with when I drew it. Now I think, "What's your tarantula's name?" would have been funnier.

Here's a guy who only wants to be awakened for food, thus assuring him a long nap. They don't serve food on airplanes anymore, unless the flight is overseas (and even then you may not be willing to call what they serve "food") or if you're up front in Snooty Class. I'd like to suggest that right now, all of us who are relegated to flying coach send out very bad vibes to everyone who flies First Class. Just take a moment to close your eyes and hate them and wish them ill fortune. It won't bother them in the least and they'll never even know we did it, but it might make us feel better.

I admit that there have been a ton of eye doctor jokes with funny messages in the eye chart. I've done a few myself. But something about this one made me feel it was different enough to warrant dusting off the motif again so here it is. All he wants is a laugh. Let's give him one now, shall we? Just throw your head back and laugh like a psychotic sausage vendor.

Now, don't you feel better?

By the way, to buy these cartoons on products, just click the cartoon!!!

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Electric Jesus

For a larger view, click the image.

I had a special request from a beloved reader for this cartoon, so here it is. It's never been published in the U.S. but appeared in some Scandinavian magazines with Bizarro a few years back. Some people find it crass, but it is merely an observation. If Jesus of Nazareth had died in an electric chair, millions of you readers would be wearing tiny gold chair earrings right now.

Hope you enjoy, another post and more cartoons to come later today.

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Punny

(To see this cartoon in all its large, detailed glory, click the caveman's over-hanging brow.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Reader Appreciation.

Here is number 12 in my occasional series of "Sunday Punnies." If you missed the first 11, click here.

The deal is that readers send me their puns and I use some of them for these kinds of cartoons. If you've got a pun that you think might be good, post it in the comments section of this blog or email it to me. My email address can be found on Bizarro.com. Please don't abuse it, its feelings get hurt rather easily.

Rules and notable things:
1. You get no compensation other than the delirious thrill of seeing your idea in the funnies.
2. Tell me what name you want me to sign it with if I pick your pun.
3. It has to be original. Don't be sending me no dang thang you heard at the beauty parlor or on the Interwebs.
4. I will not post the puns that people leave in the comments section, so don't expect to see them listed there and don't be afraid to leave me your name or email or whatever. I'm good at keeping secrets.
5. If you are Joe Flacco, don't bother leaving a pun, I won't use it. You and your Baltimore Ravens knocked the Kansas City Chiefs out of the playoffs and upset my dad.

That's about it. Any time you have a couple minutes to spare and want to LOL outloud, I hope you'll drop by this blog. I post 3 or 4 times a week and feature new cartoons, old ones, odd videos, funny pictures of me and my clan, and peculiar musings from the inner recesses of my brain goo. Thanks for stopping by.

To see some of the past Sunday Punnies, click here. For real this time.

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Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Casper gives King Kong a fright on the cover of The Friendly Ghost, Casper #129 (1992).

(Standard disclaimer about witch-grabbing giant gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)

Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5: The Ugly Truth
2 (-). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
3 (+2). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
4 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
5 (+6). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
6 (-2). Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Boxset
7 (-1). Odd Is on Our Side (Kindle edition)
8 (+1). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
9 (-1). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
10 (+3). Dork Diaries (Kindle edition)
11 (+12). Watchmen
12 (-5). Walking Dead Volume 13
13 (+11). American Born Chinese
14 (+8). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
15 (-3). Dork Diaries 2 (Kindle edition)
16 (R). 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective
17 (+10). Big Nate: From the Top
18 (+8). V for Vendetta
19 (+25). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 8: Last Gleaming *
20 (+9). Diary of a Wimpy Kid Box of Books
21 (-7). Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale
22 (-1). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe
23 (-7). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
24 (-6). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
25 (+7). Batman: The Killing Joke
26 (-16). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
27 (R). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
28 (N). Axe Cop Volume One
29 (+6). Walking Dead Volume 12
30 (-11). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together
31 (+5). The Arrival
32 (+2). Dork Diaries 2: Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl
33 (-). Fables Vol. 14: Witches
34 (-6). The Walking Dead, Book 6
35 (R). Batman and Robin, Vol. 2: Batman vs. Robin
36 (+14). Batman: Year One
37 (N). New Avengers by Brian Michael Bendis, Vol. 1
38 (R). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5)
39 (-2). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
40 (-1). The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear The Hunters
41 (-11). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
42 (-22). Superman: Earth One
43 (-5). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
44 (-1). Batman: Hush
45 (-14). Dark Tower: The Gunslinger, Vol. 1 - The Journey Begins *
46 (-1). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 7: Twilight
47 (N). Secret Avengers, Vol. 1: Mission to Mars
48 (-). The Walking Dead Book 2
49 (-). Blackest Night
50 (-35). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* The Wimpy Kid stays on the top once again, and slips a bit more to #56 on the overall chart.

* The bi-annual college course assault on the chart continues; Understanding Comics moves into the top 10, Watchmen & American Born Chinese move up, but Fun Home takes a bit of a tumble.

* The Scott Pilgrim Box Set remains strong, but individual volumes separate and fall; vol. 2 all the way down to #50 (#2,830 overall), and vol. 3 off of the chart all together.

* Dead Watch: Just seven Walking Dead collections in the top 50 this week, down one from last week.

* Axe Cop is the highest debut this week, and two of Marvel's Avengers hardcovers show up as well.

Thoughts

Bizarro is brought to you today by Free Thinkers.

I've been remiss in my posting this week so here's a batch of cartoons to catch us up. Do we have to discuss them all in detail? I'm not convinced we do.

The fly cartoon that kicks off today's show was very popular with readers according to emails and comments I've received. What can we deduce from this? That my readers are into poop jokes. It makes a cartoonist proud.

Here's a very weird and slightly disturbing cartoon about a pregnant woman. What does it mean? Why does her uterus have a voice mail system? I'd be happy to tell you if I knew.






As a result of many emails from various folks, I do know that this cartoon about a seeing-eye dog for the colorblind is funny albeit totally impossible. Dogs don't see color the way humans do so they would be pretty useless at this task. That's just one of the many reasons this is a cartoon and not an illustration in a medical textbook. Don't take these things so seriously, kids.

Static electricity is always funny, especially when it has to do with embarrassing undergarments. Enough said.









Years ago I had an obese doctor who smoked in the office between seeing patients. You could see him down the hall in his office puffing away. I always thought it was funny. You don't have to actually practice good advice to give it. That's the lesson I hope you take away from this cartoon.

Not that my cartoons are about teaching, they're not. In fact, don't follow any advice I give in a cartoon, I don't want to be responsible for your life. If you can read a cartoon, you have a brain. Learn to use it responsibly and things will go better for you. Most of my readers are already independent thinkers so I realize I'm preaching to the choir. I'm just talking to that one guy somewhere who is taping my cartoons to his walls every day, studying them, trying to spot patterns and messages, devising a path by which to live his life, running a piece of red yarn from one pushpin to another creating a giant mess that will later mystify detectives when they are investigating his gruesome crimes. Yes, you know who you are. Stop it.
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