More SF Bay Area Appearances

I have some dandy gigs coming up in the San Fran area this week and next. Check this crazy link for details and come see me in person. I'm so lifelike, you almost won't believe it! Plus, I'll be funny and friendly and sign books for you which you can give as gifts, thus making you look as cool as the other side of the pillow this holiday season.
















Who wouldn't want to meet this dapper fellow?

Preaching

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holidays of the Future.

Each year I am nauseated by the hypocritical practice of pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving. As legend has it, Lincoln started this because his son had become attached to a turkey living on the White House grounds and didn't want to see it killed. Now modern-day presidents do it with a smirk on their face and a wink to the crowd.

The latest Palin debacle last week was among the most egregious "pardons" in recent memory. While she interviewed on camera afterward, a local yocal was slaughtering turkeys ten feet behind her. The media jumped on this as a foolish and insensitive thing to do, and it was, but who are we kidding? In spite of the pocketful of turkeys who are pardoned by various politicians each year, millions of turkeys meet their painful death for this day of "thanks" and season of "peace on earth."

I know that most Americans do not share my views on the rights of all animals to live a life free of unnatural molestation (a mouse dying at the hands of a cat is natural, billions of animals confined in cages and crates being butchered alive each year for the sake of human taste buds and profit is not) but why are we so careful to spare ourselves the sight of our actions? If you're going to eat these creatures, have the integrity to watch some videos of the process they endure and you subsidize. Then get to know one in an unstressed environment, like a sanctuary, and tell me you still feel entitled to torture them to death for a few moments of sensory pleasure. (Especially when there are delicious alternatives.) These animals are sensitive, affectionate, individual beings who know fear, pain, love, grief, comfort and terror. Just like you.

"It's natural. They aren't like us. That's what they're here for. It's tradition. It's always been this way. The economy depends on it."
Exactly what most white Americans would have said about slavery and African Americans 200 years ago. Tradition is no excuse for abuse.

Sorry for the rant, this season of hypocracy brings out the worst in me. I promise the next post will be about humor.