Scary World of Danger

Bizarro is brought to you today by Urban Health Hazards.

If your local paper prints its comics in color on weekdays as well as Sunday, you may have seen this cartoon in a different form. I was out of town and unable to send my own color files in time and so the syndicate used their usual coloring service to color a week's worth of Bizarros in mid-January. Many cartoonists opt to use this kind of service all the time, but I like my cartoons to look different, so I do them myself. Below is the cartoon as it appeared in such papers.

As you can see, these commercial services do a much simpler job on the comics than I like to do, hence the extra work I put in (without extra pay.) I think it's worth it.

I've long had a problem with America's tendency to want to make everything so safe that you can scarcely hurt yourself if you try. Product safety is a good thing, I don't want to buy a car that will explode into flames if I back into a lamppost at the mall. But in my humble and cranky opinion, putting railings and warning signs around everything from volcanoes to the Grand Canyon goes much too far toward defeating natural selection. I think if someone is dumb enough to climb down into an active volcano, or jump off a cliff into a raging river, they probably shouldn't live long enough to pass those genes on.

When I was in Hawaii recently, I crossed a bridge about 40 feet above a crashing river with huge boulders. There was a forbidding sign warning you that people have been injured or killed jumping off this bridge into the water. I didn't need this sign, neither would have you. Yet there were three young men in their 20s jumping off into the water. They seemed to be surviving, but then I didn't hang around all that long.

We're not the only country to indulge in this habit of protecting morons. I saw the same thing in Italy not long ago. This sign was warning tourists against the inherent dangers of using your umbrella improperly. Personally, I never use an umbrella in any way that is not recommended in the directions.

If you're going to post warning signs, I prefer this style.

BIZARROMANIA!

BE AS HAPPY AS TOM CRUISE WITHOUT EVER HAVING TO EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS KATIE HOLMES!

SIMPLY ORDER A BEAUTIFUL COLOR PRINT OF ANY BIZARRO CARTOON THAT YOUR HEART DESIRES BY FOLLOWING THESE EASY STEPS!

1. Choose a cartoon
2. Go to this website
3. Do what it tells you
4. Receive print
5. Hang it in your home, glue it to your vehicle*
6. Rule your world

*Also good for giving as gift

Friday Night Fights: Leiko vs. War-Yore

From Master of Kung-Fu #57 (1977). Art by Jim Craig. Inks by John Tartag. Letters by Denise Wohl. Color by Phil Rache. Story by Doug Moench. (click pics for larger)

Ka-Pow? Frak! Bwok! Chunt!

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
2 (-). Watchmen
3 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
4 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
5 (N). Barack Obama Amazing Spider-Man #583 Flag Cover Variant Third Printing
6 (-). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
7 (+8). Batman: The Killing Joke
8 (N). Amazing Spider-Man #583 2nd Printing Yellow Cover Obama Variant
9 (+2). The Joker
10 (+2). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
11 (-3). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
12 (-3). Watchmen (hardcover)
13 (-8). Amazing Spider-Man #583 Barack Obama Variant
14 (-7). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
15 (+2). Crown Of Horns (Bone)
16 (-6). The Complete Persepolis
17 (+2). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
18 (-4). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
19 (+8). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
20 (-7). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
21 (-5). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
22 (+16). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
23 (-3). V for Vendetta
24 (-2). Secret Invasion *
25 (N). Amazing Spider-Man #583 1st Printing Obama Variant (Blue Cover)
26 (-). Batman: Year One
27 (-9). Dean Koontz's Frankenstein: Prodigal Son *
28 (-). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
29 (-8). Naruto, Volume 35 *
30 (N). The Marvel Encyclopedia
31 (-6). Naruto, Volume 36 *
32 (-1). Batman: The Long Halloween
33 (+4). Fables, Vol. 11: War and Pieces
34 (-10). Naruto, Volume 37 *
35 (N). Berserk Volume 27
36 (N). Coraline Graphic Novel
37 (N). Star Wars: Vector Volume 1
38 (-9). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 1)
39 (N). The Arrival
40 (+8). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
41 (-2). American Born Chinese
42 (-8). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe *
43 (-2). The Dresden Files: Welcome to the Jungle
44 (N). The Dangerous Alphabet
45 (-10). Alliance (Star Wars: Legacy, Vol. 4)
46 (-10). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
47 (-15). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
48 (-18). Batman: R.I.P. *
49 (+1). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
50 (N). Angel: After the Fall: First Night Volume 2

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

Comments:

* People are still going to Amazon to pick up the Obama Spider-Man comic through third-party sellers.

* Upward movement on Neil Gaiman items; perhaps the result of his winning the Newbery this week?

Trophy Overboard

Bizarro is brought to you today by Astronaut Beagles.

This cartoon grew from one of my revenge fantasies about people in first class. I fly a lot and cannot afford first class, nor, apparently, can any of the organizations that pay for my flights. Because I am so tall (nearly 5' 8"), I find the seats in coach to be very uncomfortable. I know it is wrong and Buddha would be disappointed, but I cannot seem to help wishing I could toss one of the less deserving cretins in first class out of the plane and take their seat. Especially the vapid shopaholic girl covered with designer logos, bling and fur. What was her monumental contribution to the planet that earned her the extra $1200 it takes to get a comfortable seat?

Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

Of course, airlines will be out of business soon and we'll all be riding our bikes across country, so that will level the playing field some. I suppose I should find a place to live that I don't mind staying year-round pretty soon.

Celebrities in Jeopardy

Bizarro is brought to you by Creative Car Rentals.

As confounding as some celebrities are to us thinking people (a relatively low percentage of the public, so we must stick together) creating celebrities is natural, it's something we do as a species. Research scientists have observed similar behavior in chimps – given the choice of two buttons, one that produces food, one that shows them a picture of their troup leader, they will opt for the celebrity photo more often than one would think. So it is no surprise that as "troup" animals, we have an unquenchable thirst for information about certain ones among us who have acheived notoriety. What is surprising, however, is the wide range of qualities that can propel one to this ordained status.

Politicians are a no-brainer. They are our troup leaders, so of course we want to know everything we can about them and keep up with their day-to-day doings. In a very real sense, our well being depends on their actions.

Sports figures are understandable, too. For the vast majority of our evolution, we required a decent set of physical skills to get by – there was no handicap parking nor electric can opener in the Bronze Age – so it is reasonable to be interested in someone with extraordinary talents in that arena.

Actors, artists, musicians, writers and performers of all kinds entertain us and we like being entertained, so that's a natural. Murderers capture celebrity because once again, their actions may affect our survival.

So where does Paris Hilton fit into this primitive mindscape of celebrity making? My guess is SEX, pure and simple.

As mammals, our sexual impulses and proclivities are geared toward what our ancient biological programming thinks will be helpful to the survival of the species. (I'm speaking very generally, here, not about fetishes or abnormalities or anything out of mathematically mainstream human sexuality.) In this area, men and women are different.

Females tend to favor things like wealth, power, strength, age, ability, because a mate with these qualities can take care of them and their offspring, and endow their spawn with those characteristics. Males are simpler. They favor youth and the physical ability to bear and care for children over a long period of time. Which is why they go for looks (good looks = youth in the primitive mind) over quality. (Studies have also shown that adult faces that most people find attractive are those with proportions most similar to a child's.)

It is no surprise that men are simpler and more primitive than women. That's why there are often female celebs that have no discernable talent other than being "hot," but this virtually never happens with male celebs. They usually have to pretend to be actors or singers or something before they capture a magazine cover or get on a talk show. Good looks alone just doesn't cut it for us dudes.

On another note, here is a cartoon from last week that I
didn't post because I was out of town, frozen, ill, and busy. It's an idea from my pal and occasional contributor, Derek. I like the simple premise: what do you say to a person heading onto stage who already has two broken legs?

More tomorrow, thanks for reading. Until then, I remain your faithful servant and imaginary playmate.

Shameless Friend Promotion: Steve Lieber on The Erika Moen Show

Here's pal & cartoonist extraordinaire Steve Lieber being interviewed by cartoonist Erika Moen on The Erika Moen Show:



Live Videos by Ustream

Burqa Biz

(click image to big it)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Too Much Yoga.

This is the third cartoon about burqas I've done in the past few years and the first one I've published that didn't attract any negative mail.

A friend of mine mused one day, "what happens when you sneeze inside a burqa?" and it sparked this cartoon idea. As I've mentioned on this blog before, I offer Bizarro in both strip and panel format, to make it easier for papers to find a place for it. I design and draw them with the vertical panel in mind, then scan them into Photoshop and convert the art to strip format from there. I usually prefer the panel version, but this is one of those rare cases where I think the strip works better.

I got home from Indianapolis last night and am happy to be back, even though Brooklyn is cold and gray today. But the nice thing about working from home is that I don't have to leave the building if I don't like the weather. Also, I don't have to go outside to have a cigar, as I did while staying at the Residence Inn in Indy last week.

It's the little things that make life worth living.

Super Suits

(To make this cartoon a big, honkin', whopper that you can see up close, click the image.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Blue Building Bumpers.

A reader (can't remember who now) suggested something about dinosaurs in spaceships or something (can't remember what now) and I ended up with this cartoon. The funnest part of this drawing by far was rendering the dinos in spacesuits. Even though the big one wouldn't actually fit inside that saucer, I took some artistic license because I wanted to use a saucer similar to the one I use for my little alien icon.

Today was my last day in Indy and I'm heading home tomorrow morning. My performance today went very well: nice-sized crowd in spite of the arctic weather, I did a good show in spite of my 130 degree temperature/snotty nose/sneezing/convulsions/halucinations/numb extremities (I came down with some dreaded Midwestern cold on Friday night and have suffered greatly), and all the books that the museum gift shop ordered were sold.

Here are a few more highlights from my week here.

The museum brought in three other guys for the Saturday panel on Native Americans in comics. One of them was a comic book cartoonist named Steve Sanderson, a Cree Indian from Vancouver Island. As you can tell from this picture, at 7 feet tall, Steve is a few inches taller than I am at 6', 6".

The other two guys were comics writer, John Ostrander, and
Michael Sheyahshe, a Caddo indian and writer of a book about Native Americans in the comics. They were all great guys with plenty of interesting things to say about comics and they all went out for Karaoke Saturday night and had a big damn time. I was too ill to join them, unfortunately, so I stayed in my hotel room and blew my nose until I fell asleep.

One of the faithful readers of this blog made a special trip in her speedboat down to the museum midweek and visited with me for a bit. I was most impressed with her parallel parking skills. Thanks for dropping by, Heather.

Just when I thought no more fun could be had in Indianapolis, the program director of the museum and person responsible for dragging...er...bringing me out here, Pete Brown, took us all to the Children's Museum where they were having a comics show. At the show, I saw this children's Superman suit from the early 1960s. This is especially meaningful to me because I HAD THIS SAME SUIT when I was three or four years old! I wore it around the house and yard, tried to fly, blocked bullets and trains with my chest, the whole shebang. Unlike the sissy-children of today, back then you had to provide your own muscles. I don't know what happened to my suit but this is the first time I've seen one since I gave mine up at the age of 14.

My medical alarm just went off which means my heart has stopped beating again, so I'll sign off now before the paramedics arrive. Wish me luck.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Everybody's going ape on the cover of Richie Rich & Jackie Jokers #19 (1975).

(Standard disclaimer about King Kong-wannabe apes not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Revised Evil

In the previous post, I recounted some of my adventures in Indianapolis this week, including a trip to a school. I included a picture of myself with the kids and claimed that nobody noticed I was "roaring drunk." This earned me a trip to the principal's office.

Yesterday I received an email from a school official thanking me politely for coming to the school and telling me everyone enjoyed it, but asking if I would take the picture off the blog. Apparently, school officials and parents could come down hard on the school for allowing their kid's pics on the web, especially in association with a reference to drinking. Here is the revised photo, with the student's faces blurred like criminals, which I supplanted the old one with in the post below, along with a humorous legal disclaimer (in red).Perhaps there are good reasons to be worried about a thing like this, but for the life of me I can't think what they would be. I know pedophiles have met kids online, but that doesn't pertain to this. I know celebs protect the images of their children to make it more difficult for would-be kidnappers, but that's certainly not an issue here. People in witness protection don't want pics on the web identifying their location, I suppose one or more of these kids could be from a family like that.

Mostly, I think it's just goofy paranoia. Fear of the unknown. I've met people before who don't want a photo of them with me to appear on my blog and it always reminds me a bit of primitives being afraid to have their picture taken for fear they will lose their soul.

I do want to emphasize that the faculty at the school was great, very appreciative and cool, and that the person who wrote to me was not being unreasonable. That person is only trying to protect his/her school from a doody storm from less reasonable factions.

And now my own disclaimer: Maybe there is some perfectly logical, obvious reason for objecting to a picture like this on my blog and I'm just not seeing it. If so, I apologize for the sarcasm.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.

1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
2 (+1). Watchmen (paperback)
3 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (-3). Amazing Spider-Man #583 Barack Obama Variant
6 (+2). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
7 (-1). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
8 (+3). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
9 (+3). Watchmen (hardcover)
10 (+3). The Complete Persepolis
11 (-4). The Joker
12 (-2). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
13 (+4). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
14 (-). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
15 (-6). Batman: The Killing Joke
16 (-). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
17 (+10). Crown Of Horns (Bone)
18 (N). Dean Koontz's Frankenstein: Prodigal Son *
19 (-4). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
20 (+6). V for Vendetta
21 (N). Naruto, Volume 35 *
22 (+3). Secret Invasion *
23 (N). Naruto, Volume 34 *
24 (N). Naruto, Volume 37 *
25 (N). Naruto, Volume 36 *
26 (-7). Batman: Year One
27 (-5). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
28 (-7). Batman: Arkham Asylum
29 (+16). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 1)
30 (+2). Batman: R.I.P. *
31 (-). Batman: The Long Halloween
32 (-3). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
33 (N). Ultimate Origins *
34 (N). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe *
35 (+3). Alliance (Star Wars: Legacy, Vol. 4)
36 (-2). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
37 (-19). Fables, Vol. 11: War and Pieces
38 (-15). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
39 (-15). American Born Chinese
40 (-10). The Complete Maus: A Survivor's Tale
41 (-8). The Dresden Files: Welcome to the Jungle
42 (-22). Serenity, Vol. 1: Those Left Behind
43 (+4). What It Is
44 (-2). Secret Invasion, Book 2 (New Avengers, Vol. 9)
45 (N). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
46 (N). Y: The Last Man, Vol. 10: Whys and Wherefores
47 (N). Y: The Last Man, Vol. 2: Cycles
48 (+1). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
49 (-12). Escape from the Forest (Warriors: Tigerstar and Sasha, No. 2)
50 (-11). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

Comments:

* Four Naruto pre-orders make the list for the fist time; I suspect maybe they were just added to Amazon this past week?

* The fifth Scott Pilgrim also make a pre-order appearance; and interestingly it brings the first volume with it to the rankings.

* The top half of the list shows reasonable stability, while the bottom half shows some pretty wild swings.

Indy Blogosphere

The following is a special report from Indianapolis, Indiana, where I am embedded at the Eiteljorg Museum of American Indians and Western Art.

It is cold here where I have been since Monday, as one might gather from my swell lounging outfit pictured here. Even hanging around my luxurious hotel suite at the Residence Inn Marriott, I wear a mock turtle neck sweater, long johns, and some furry socks. I don't even take these off to sleep or shower, for fear that my pulse may drop below 40 bpm.

Meanwhile, the museum itself is very cool and the fine folks who brought me here are fine folks, indeed. All in all, I'm having a swell time.

Here is a list of the good and bad things I have learned since I got here:

Good: The Eiteljorg Museum is much larger and of higher quality than I expected. Before I came, I figured it to be some small, 7/11-sized outfit in a strip mall with a few tomahawks, moccasins and cowboy paintings. In truth, the architecture of the impressively enormous building is top notch, and the immense collection of art and artifacts inside is astounding. That's a real school bus in this picture, not a Matchbox model.

Bad: I had to get up before dawn to go talk to some high school kids in nearby Bloomington. The kids were cool and the talk went well, but come on. Dawn? I took this picture with my phone because I was alarmed at how much it looked like sunset, something I usually watch while eating breakfast.


Good: A giant made of bricks attacked the city some time ago and Peyton Manning defeated him and buried him up to his neck in front of an apartment building near downtown.








Bad: I became trapped inside a vending machine, the purpose of which I am unsure of.

















Good: I found a chicken made of plastic hair curlers.















Bad: I found a skyscraper with missing walls. No wonder there was nobody inside it, as I have mentioned, it is cold here.











Good: The kids I spoke to at Bloomington New Tech High School could not tell I was roaring drunk.

(Note to parents, school board officials, etc: I was NOT roaring drunk, nor even tipsy while at the school. Nor was I high on any other drug, illegal or prescription. The previous comment is a JOKE made solely by the author of this blog and DOES NOT represent the thoughts or opinions of Bloomington New Tech High School officials, faculty,administrators, students, PTA, parents, relatives, neighbors, clergymen, or pets of anyone even vaguely affiliated with anything anywhere. The faces of the students in the picture have been blurred to protect them from identity theft.)




Also Good: I found out from this old Indian print that I might have some Native American blood in me. I may even be the descendant of a chief. Very cool.

If you're within a 10-hour drive of Indy, you should come to the museum Saturday and Sunday and check it out. Saturday I'll be with a couple other cartoonists doing a panel discussion about Native Americans in the comics, and Sunday I'll be doing my own comedy talk about my Cowboy and Indian cartoons from the past couple decades of Bizarro.

Yee haw, yippy-i-o-ki-aye. (sp?)

Clam Shells of Comedy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nature's Cruelty.

This cartoon idea came from my good buddy, Richard Cabeza. It is a simple pun, but a funny one with a good pic. I got a number of emails from readers who really liked it, including one from a woman who said it had particularly spoken to her since she had just gone bra shopping.

You just never know when a cartoon is going to touch someone's life.

I am still in Indianapolis at this writing, which, if Columbus had thought he were in Japan instead of India when he arrived in the Bahamas, would be called Japaneseopolis. I think that's worth remembering.

It is cold here and the people are cruel. So cruel that they don't allow smoking anywhere in my hotel – not a single smoking room. So to smoke a cigar I have to go outside, bundled like the Michelin Man, and walk the streets like a common peasant. Why does life have to be so hard?

In contrast to the last few days when the temps were in the mid-to-low twenties during my peasant parades, today it was 40 degrees! This was much appreciated and the city felt just a little bit less cruel. Like 15 degrees less.

More in my next blog about the shenanigans and monkey shines that have ensued since I got here.

You know it would sell a fortune!

Marvel should put out a Spider-Man & Barack Obama mini-series. At this point it would be like printing money. C'mon, you know it would have at least as much legs as Marvel Zombies.

Wait, hold on... Presidential Zombies!

I'm running off to file a trademark application right now...

GN Discussion Group

Our Graphic Narrative Discussion Group met last week to choose our texts for the coming year. After a couple hours of deliberation, here's the schedule we decided upon:

• February: The Arrival by Shaun Tan
• April: Bottomless Belly Button by Dash Shaw
• June: The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel
• August: Bookhunter and Fleep by Jason Shiga
• October: The Will Eisner Reader and The Best of the Spirit by Will Eisner
• December: Journey, vol. 1 by William Messner-Loebs

Looks like another good slate of comics!

Meteor Madness

Today's Bizarro is made possible by a grant from Plastic Playboys From Outer Space.

This is another of those comics that comes from a real life situation. One of my meteors was feeling poorly recently so I brought it to one of those McHospitals in the strip mall. You know, those places that are called things like "Medi-Quick" or "Bleed-No-More" or whatever, where med students at the bottom of their class end up.

Anyway, even though they would never admit it, they had trouble diagnosing what was wrong with my sizzling hot rock, and the scrip they gave us didn't do a thing. After another week, my meteor was feeling no better. It was then that I tossed him into the car and raced him down to Channel 6 to see an expert. The Action News Team's own Gil Watson and his AccuWeather Doppler Sky View fixed him up real good.

Thank you, Action News!

Don't Let the Door Hit You in the...

Bizarro is brought to you today by Good Riddance Blemish Remover.

I have no idea where this cartoon came from but I love it. The idea of an old woman dressed in a shroud who wants nothing more than a scythe to go with her outfit makes no sense, I admit, but tickles me nonetheless.

Perhaps it was inspired by two bitter old women I have known in my own family, whose only delight comes from being a royal pain in the ass to everyone within earshot. It seems every family has one of these characters who uses guilt, complaints, self-pity, and a profound ability to sulk to impose their will on their "loved" ones.

Now that I'm older, I find these types humorous and pathetic but when I was younger, I, too, walked on eggshells to keep these cranky-pants-wearers happy. It takes some maturity and confidence to stand up to such curmudgeons, but their power lies entirely in other people's reticence to endure their foul moods. Like a schoolyard bully, however, their power evaporates if you don't buy into it.

And now on to a more cheery subject. As I type this, it is a mere 15 hours until W is gone for good and the Obama Era begins. I am experiencing my first patriotic feelings in my adult life, which officially began as Regan took office, and, dare I say, I actually feel optimistic. There is no doubt there are tough times ahead, but there is also a real chance for real progress on the horizon. Good luck to us all.

Travel Day!

I'm off to Indianapolis today! I'll blog again tomorrow from poolside!

Dancing For Dollars

(click image to eyeball it more clearly)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dancing Diplomacy.

I have a few friends who really like that Dancing With The Stars TV show. Otherwise, they seem completely normal, even extraordinary and cool. As for myself, I'd rather watch paint drying than a dancing competition. I like a few forms of dancing, like flamenco and tap, but even still, I can't imagine watching people do it every week for prizes or money or whatever.

Of course, neither CHNW nor I have any interest in any of the modern game shows, no matter how many pretty girls in tight clothing that they feature. I've tried watching a few that were recommended by people I trust or admire – The Amazing Race, American Idol, America's Top Model, Who Farted? – but as of yet, I cannot make it beyond the first commercial. It's one of those things I can't imagine is popular, and yet it is, and wildly so.

So here are a few new takes on the dancing craze. Hope you enjoy them. If you don't, keep it on the down low. Cartoonists, with the exception of Jim Davis, have feelings, too.

Visible in Indianapolis

(Click on the image above for a bigger, clearer picture.)

Here's the dealio for this coming week. I'm going to be hanging out all day every day at the Eiteljorg Museum in Native-American-apolis. You can drop by and chat, watch me work, sneak me booze, take stupid pictures with me, throw tomatoes (though it will lead to your arrest), whatever. Then I'll be doing some funny presentation stuff on the weekend. Come see me if you can dig your way through the snow.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

The monkey shows how to use a tail when ice skating on the cover of Monkeyshines Comics #19 (1946).


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Three Clowns in the Fountain

Bizarro is sponsored today by Dream Dates Internet Singles Service.

Again, in an effort to catch up on some of the cartoons I didn't post while I was away, here is an assortment of three that I liked from the past few weeks.

The subject of clowns is always a fertile valley of cartoon material. Like many people, I've been creeped out by clowns since I was a small child. I never thought they were funny, from my earliest memories they seemed to be strangers attempting to conceal their identity in a particularly conspicuous way. Even as a toddler, I felt that someone who willingly dressed and behaved in this manner in public must not be trusted.

I do like the more sophisticated, understated clowns one finds in shows like Cirque du Soleil, however. They are a different breed altogether from the average birthday party clown.

This next cartoon occured to me while contemplating New Year's celebrations. I like this angle because it isn't about the old man/baby with tophat, nor about resolutions, the two most popular new year topics in cartoons.

As I suspected, a few days later I heard from a man whose wife is a Jewish, Chinese-American and he wanted to get a print of this cartoon or buy the original, I can't remember which. I don't think I've answered his email yet, I'm so far behind I may never catch up. I'll get to it soon, I hope.

CHNW and I don't usually go out on New Year's Eve anymore because it is crowded, expensive, and loud. Plus, what, really, is there to celebrate? An arbitrary moment in time. Yay.

But this year we were invited by close friends to a 1920s Berlin-style cabaret show at a small venue in DUMBO. (A very cool part of Brooklyn not far from my place which stands for Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass and looks like this.) It was a fun evening and not too crowded, expensive, or loud. Everyone was encouraged to dress for the period, which was fun, too. Here are two shots from my iPhone, and some more from a better camera.


Lastly, I give you this take on Santa. Again, I like it because I managed to tap into a Santa idea that (to my knowledge) has not been done before. Considering the sheer volume of cartoons that have been published in our language, it is difficult to hit on original ideas and particularly satisfying to come up with a new angle on a well-worn cliche.

I've done a few "Santa in off-season" jokes, as has every other cartoonist, but I've not seen one about Santa before he was Santa. I'm sure there are some, I just hope nobody has done a witness protection program Santa gag before. If they have, I'm sure someone will post it in the comments section. (sigh)

Along the same lines, a reader emailed me to tell me that the knitting needles in this cartoon are upside down. She was right, of course. A cartoonist can't get away with anything these days.

Thanks for reading. You are my sunshine.

Friday Night Fights: Cordelia & Doyle vs. Mind-Controlled Dudes

From Angel #3 (2000). Art by Christian Zanier & Andy Owens & friends. Letters by Clem Robins. Story by Christopher Golden. (click pic for larger)

Ka-Pow? Bzzztt! Krakk!

Weather Whiplash

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nature's Cruelty.

As I said in my previous couple of posts, I've been in Hawaii for a couple of weeks. It's real dandy there. They have weather that you hardly even feel when you walk outside and things you can eat just grow on trees. There is also a great deal of water, which is cold this time of year but you can get used to it. I saw some fish in it.

In the very near future, I'll post a bunch of pictures from our trip and attempt to amuse you with my comments. If you've never seen a professional cartoonist in swim trunks, you'll not want to miss it.

Meanwhile, I missed posting a lot of cartoons while I was gone, so here are a couple of random ones from the pile.

I particularly like the first one here. If you have ever known a person who has squeezed out a kid or even bought one from an agency, this cartoon should ring true. Something about having a mini-me around the house saps your brain's ability to think or speak of anything else. I did it myself back when my kids were small, try as I did to avoid it. When you've got a little bundle from heaven around the house, somehow their every bowel movement is more fascinating than the second coming of Christ or anything else.

This second cartoon was a random thought about tattoos. I was wondering if anyone had ever had hair tattooed on their head and the bowling ball idea sprang from there. Tattooed hair would be an interesting look, but I know from experience that large expanses of solid color are particularly painful, especially black, which has to be gone over several times to insure a smooth field. I've heard head tattoos are more painful than other parts of the body, too, but I have no intention of finding that out for myself. Although a realistic face on the back of your head would be a pretty great tattoo. I did a cartoon about that years ago, but can't find it right now. Sorry, I'm still bleary from climate shock.

Just so you won't hate me for having a tan in January, I'm scheduled to spend next week in Indianapolis. Yin and yang.

Amazon Top 50

It's been a while since I've looked at the Amazon top sellers in Comics & Graphic Novels. I'm going to try to do this every Friday afternoon for the next little bit. All the previous caveats apply.

1. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
2. Amazing Spider-Man #583 Barack Obama Variant
3. Watchmen (paperback)
4. Diary of a Wimpy Kid
5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
6. Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
7. The Joker
8. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
9. Batman: The Killing Joke
10. The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
11. Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
12. Watchmen (hardcover)
13. The Complete Persepolis
14. Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
15. Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
16. Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
17. Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
18. Fables, Vol. 11: War and Pieces
19. Batman: Year One
20. Serenity, Vol. 1: Those Left Behind
21. Batman: Arkham Asylum
22. Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
23. The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
24. American Born Chinese
25. Secret Invasion *
26. V for Vendetta
27. Crown Of Horns (Bone)
28. The Arrival
29. Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
30. The Complete Maus: A Survivor's Tale
31. Batman: The Long Halloween
32. Batman: R.I.P. *
33. The Dresden Files: Welcome to the Jungle
34. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
35. Dream Country (The Sandman, Vol. 3)
36. The Complete Persepolis (Kindle edition)
37. Escape from the Forest (Warriors: Tigerstar and Sasha, No. 2)
38. Alliance (Star Wars: Legacy, Vol. 4)
39. No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
40. The Absolute Sandman, Vol. 4
41. The Book of Bunny Suicides
42. Secret Invasion, Book 2 (New Avengers, Vol. 9) *
43. Dark Tower: The Long Road Home (Exclusive Amazon.com Cover)
44. The Adventures of Tintin: Tintin in America / Cigars of the Pharaoh / The Blue Lotus (3 Complete Adventures in One Volume, Vol. 1)
45. The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 1)
46. Bone: One Volume Edition
47. What It Is
48. American Born Chinese (bargain price)
49. The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
50. The Complete Far Side 1980-1994 (2 vol set)

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

Comments:
* No, Amazon doens't have copies of the Obama Spider-Man cover for sale; those are all from 3rd party Marketplace sellers. (Prices are going from $6.49 to $200.00)
* Jeff Kinney seems to have a license to print money, doesn't he?
* The Dark Knight halo effect is still in full force.

Back, Sort Of

Sorry for the long delay, boys, girls, and both, but I'm back now and all is well. When I returned a couple of nights ago, my heat was off and the cable and Internet were out. What a thrill.

I managed to get the heat back on that night, but had to wait until this morning to get the cable and Internet back.

I've got some big deadlines to catch up on in the next hour or two, then I will post a full-size, extensive blog for anyone who might still be reading. Until then, I remain your humble servant.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

This week we have a two-fer: Gil Kane's cover to Strange Adventures #64 (1956), and the recolored version from the new Showcase Presents Strange Adventures vol. 1 (2009).

(Standard disclaimer about gorillas in space not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Friday Night Fights: The Goon vs. The Great Zombie Chimp

From The Goon #1 (1999) by Eric Powell. (click pics for larger)

Ka-Pow? Plop!

DC Quick Hits

* I haven't read a panel of it, but I think that Superman and Batman vs. Vampires and Werewolves is one of the most awesome titles for a comic ever, because it tells you exactly what to expect: Superman and Batman fighting vampires and werewolves!

* I like that the abbreviation for the "Faces of Evil" quasi-event is 'FOE'.

* Judging by the last page of Justice League of America #28, it looks like the team will finally combat a threat to the Earth. IMHO, the biggest weakness of this title since the relaunch has been that this group of the World's Greatest Super-Heroes has mostly battled internal threats. The JLA should be bigger than that.

* While I thought that the "One World, Under Gog" story from Justice Society ran on way too long, I found the conclusion in issue #22 to be satisfying, especially the fate of Gog and the Ross-illustrated denouement.

Hawah Yee?

Readers, my dear, sweet, innocent, delicious, readers,

I'm far from home at the moment, taking some much-needed time off. If you read my previous posts from the past week or so, you'll see that I'm in Hawaii, where I've been engaged to do a couple of comedy talks about my funny funny eating habits.

To make room in the deadline-riddled landscape that is my daily hell, I had to work 15+ hour days for a week or more and nearly died of death from it. Now I'm in a funky little retro 50s style motel in Maui looking at palm trees outside and CHNW inside, buzzing around the room trying to decide which bikini to wear. Not a bad view wherever I look.

Sorry I won't be posting cartoons until Jan 15. I really enjoy this blog, it's one of my favorite things each day. But as my doctor told me just last month, "If you don't slow down you're going to need a new pair of shoes."

He's from Czech Republic and not all of his sayings translate very well.