Smells

Bizarro is brought to you today by A Good Read.

As many of my readers know, I'm not a fan of many of America's anti-smoking laws and I can honestly say that I'd hold the same opinion even if I didn't smoke. Quite frankly, blanket bans on public smoking verge on fascism. It proposes no health risk whatsoever to smell someone's cigarette, cigar or pipe as it wafts by in an unenclosed space. None. You could smell smoke in a public park every day for a thousand years and not get cancer. Tobacco smoke is not cyanide gas.

Allowing merchants to ban smoking in their establishment is fine. But to ban it in all buildings, regardless of the preferences of the owner, manager, or patrons is ridiculous. Why can't a bar owner in NYC decide for himself if he wants to allow smoking? No one is required to be in a bar. Proponents of these laws say that it exposes the employees to a health risk. First, the health risk of breathing second-hand smoke on the job is negligible, far less than eating meat and dairy. Second, no one is required to work there.

In California (and some other places) you can't smoke within 25 feet of a building. For those of you outside of California, this isn't a joke, they're actually protecting the health of bricks and masonry. This law is clearly nothing more than a vendetta against a habit that some people find unappealing.

There are plenty of habits I find unappealing, if I can get enough people behind me, does it make sense in a free society to ban them? I love music but hearing music that I did not choose to listen to at that moment bugs the crap out of me, for instance: In cars, stores, restaurants, taxis, nightclubs, you name it. Nine times out of ten it is something I do not have on my iPod and I can honestly say that it annoys me as much as smelling smoke annoys other people. I'm sure there are other people who feel the same way, shall we outlaw all music that is audible to more than the person who chose to play it?

I don't like ugly clothing or hairstyles, either. Let's ban them in all public buildings and within 25 feet of doorways. And in public parks and on beaches, too. Soda pop and junk food also disgust me and are as clear a long-term health risk as is smoking. Out you go. And don't get me started about some people's accents. A nasally southern twang makes me want to jump in front of a train.

I'm guessing that most people don't share my view and some may claim democracy and say the majority wins. But that's not really what a free society is about. It means we're all free to do what we choose if it isn't injuring others. An odor we find unpleasant isn't really injury, it's momentary inconvenience, as it is with music, ugly hairdos and twangy nose-talkers.

Mind you, I don't think smoking bans will ever be repealed, I'm just whining.

I Think I'm Going to be Sick...

Yep, Leslie and Maggie are here to stay. According to the last poll, you readers found Poo's parasites to be:

our new friends (41%)

Leslie & Maggie (37%)

disgusting (31%)

cute! (11%)

Thanks for voting and while you're here check out the new poll.

Oh, and if you're having trouble deciphering the itty-bitty, high-pitched word balloons of Leslie and Maggie, be sure to click on the comic to enlarge it for easier reading.

Snakes & Gay Sailors

Bizarro is brought to you
today by The Dog Throw.

Instead of discussing my "snake eyes" cartoon today, let's talk about a comic book story that a friend of mine sent me recently. This is a small story within a larger volume of (presumably tough-guy) war comics called "The Losers," circa early seventies. You'll want to click on each image to see the details and read the copy.


As you can see by the cover, even though we were up to our eyeballs in the Vietman War, this comic is about WWII.













On the title page of our story, Toro is a lovely young man with remarkably feminine characteristics. He has a Florence Henderson haircut, ties his fatigues to expose his abs, wears a belt from the Diana Ross Collection and what's that over his shoulder reaching for his pearl necklace? Oh, it's a fairy.







On page two, we find that not only is his walk "peculiar" but he talks like a 17th century dandy. He's also always "neat and clean" and I think we all know what that means. We can tell by the looks on the other sailors' faces that this makes them angry.









In case the reader has missed the subtle clues, on this next page they actually identify him as a "fairy." One sailor, whose arm movement is more than a little melodramatic, is curious to find out more about him and who can blame him? He's been at sea for a long time. But before he can so much as buy him a glass of Chardonnay, the unarmed group is confronted by hostiles bearing weapons and even one of the tough guys turns into a sniveling little girl.

The "manly" sailors run away, but Toro runs toward the enemy. This doesn't surprise us because we already know he is crazy. What we didn't know was that he has the ability to change a flower into a funny knife.










On the final page, one Japanese soldier jumps off a cliff rather than fight the fairy. If you're not familiar with WWII history, the Japanese were well known for this kind of cowardice, which is why they surrendered so easily and never flew manned planes into U.S. Navy ships. Further demonstrating his insanity (an appreciation of flowers and jewelry) Toro jumps to his death, too.

In the final frame we find out that the name "Toro" comes from a handmade knife which he carries "strapped to his thigh, under his pants" (which made me a little hot.) It is further explained to us that although he loved beautiful things, he loved freedom even more, in spite of the fact that he was not free to be a fairy in the Navy. All of this killing, shirt-tying and beautiful hair had driven him crazy. Or perhaps he just loved his country so much that he wished to relieve them of the unpleasant task of dealing with a homosexual among their ranks. Whatever the reason, he clearly did "not wish to remain".

I'm not going to say that the artist was gay but I do find the flower over Toro's anus somewhat provocative. Regardless, this was a daring story line for a '70s war comic. I'd love to know if the editors were making a case for gays in the military or if they were truly clueless. Remember, in those days gay characters were not on TV anywhere, were only rarely depicted in films (and usually with derision and/or pathos) and outside of progressive neighborhoods in San Francisco and New York, were not discussed in polite society. As a kid growing up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I didn't even know what homosexuality was until I was midway through high school and some rednecks called me a fag, presumably because I was not dressed like a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd. A story like this would have confused me completely.

What have we learned from this?
Gays can be just as ruthless as straights.
Gays have weapons hidden in their pants.
Be wary of people with flowers sticking out of their butts.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Grodd bites off the logo to the cover of Superman/Batman #63 (2009) by Rafael Albuquerque.

(Standard disclaimer about comic-chewing apes not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Racist Humor?

(For a larger view, click a peep)
Bizarro is brought to you today by Other Peeps.

Just as I predicted, I got an angry letter from someone who thought this cartoon was racist. It is my humble opinion that many Americans are confused about the very definition of the word, believing that any mention of a minority group in anything other than complimentary terms constitutes racism. They are wrong.

If this cartoon had implied that all African Americans dressed or talked this way, or were somehow inferior, untrustworthy, un-anything you'd have racism. All this cartoon does is depict an alternative meaning of a common phrase used by a common person in common dress. Yes, this character is a stereotype but he is one that roams my Brooklyn neighborhood in droves and the cartoon does not disparage him. It only depicts him. You may feel that stereotypes of any kind are wrong, but then you'd have to start complaining about every businessman or housewife or family dog in every cartoon you ever read. That would get tiresome, although I would doubtless get a lot of entertainment from the letters.

Cartoonists deal in stereotypes routinely, it is how we communicate. It is also what enables the reader to recognize the character and gives context to their predicament or dialogue. It is my opinion that calling everything racism detracts from actual racism.

It should be noted that the person who wrote to me wasn't even black. Oy vey.

It's Summertime!

Robot can't wait to show off his chest hair but Unicorn's feeling a little apprehensive. Are YOU body conscious like Unicorn? Well, get a MYTHFITS tee to wear to the beach. Hide that webcomic reading body under distractingly charming fabric! A couple more designs have been added to the t-shirt shop. Nothing says Summer more than fun new T-shirts! Click on the tee icons below...

King Kong Tennis

Bizarro is brought to you today by Larry King.

I like this Larry King Kong joke. The bottom title caption thingy is funny by itself and the humor is further advance by the reference to Skull Island, which is where Kong was captured. Not to be missed is the coffee cup which reads, "Marry Me," since Larry marries a lot of people. So there you have it – three jokes in one. Because I care about you.

Random thoughts of the week:
The USA won a World Cup game in the last minute of the match the other day and unlike my previous experiences with soccer, I found it exciting. In spite of my disparaging comments about soccer (football everywhere except the U.S.) a few days ago, I'm starting to get into the tournament. I still say the melodramatic diving is absurd (every time someone falls in apparent agony because he was tapped on the back I want to introduce him to the hockey player who, during the recent Stanley Cup Playoffs, had seven teeth knocked out by a puck, finished the game, had surgery the next day and played the next night), the officiating is laughable, and it's a bit slow for my taste, but I'm having fun with it. I like to listen to sports while I draw cartoons and look up when the commentator gets excited.

You may have heard that a truly historic tennis match happened at Wimbledon this week. Without going into how tennis is scored, the average match takes around 3 hours and around 50 games are played, often less. This one, between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, lasted 11 hours and five minutes, took three days to complete because it was called for darkness twice, incorporated 183 games and 980 points. That's more games in a single match than some players have to play to get all the way through a tournament and several different opponents to win the trophy for the entire thing. To put it into perspective, it would be like a baseball game that lasted fifty or sixty innings, like a football game that lasted 12 hours, like a soccer match that lasted 9 hours, like an election that lasted 6 weeks (oh, we had one of those), like a dumped lover eating three gallons of Haagen Dazs at one sitting.

Here is what the average score of a tennis set looks like:
Player A: 6 4 4 6 6
Player B: 3 6 6 3 4
Each number represents the number of games it took to win each of five sets. Player A wins the best of five.

Here's what this match looked like:
Isner: 6 3 6 7 70
Mahut: 4 6 7 6 68

How these guys remained standing and playing well is beyond anyone's guess. After the match, Mahut went home and cried a lot, Isner went on to lose his next match (a day later) quickly and mercifully, going home and downing three gallons of Haagen dazs.

Last random thought: We had a dandy time watching our buddy, Rhett Miller, play at the Bowery Hotel bar last night. Here's a pic of me, Rhett, CHNW, and Rich, Rhett's dentist, whom we've become friends with because he shows up at all of Rhett's gigs in NYC. And no, it was not Loud Shirt Night at Bowery Hotel last night, it was just a coincidence.












P.S. Rhett isn't naturally shiny, he had just finished playing and was sweaty. (Mmmmm...rock star sweat...)

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Troublemaker Book 1: Alex Barnaby Series 3 *
2 (+1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
3 (+2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
4 (-2). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
5 (-1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
6 (-2). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour *
7 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5 *
8 (+5). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
9 (-). Twilight: The Graphic Novel, Volume 1
10 (R). Cover Run: The DC Comics Art of Adam Hughes *
11 (-4). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
12 (-6). Kick-Ass
13 (-1). Watchmen
14 (+1). Hellboy Volume 10: The Crooked Man and Others
15 (+6). Blackest Night *
16 (-6). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
17 (+24). Blacksad
18 (R). Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 6: Retreat
19 (-5). Wednesday Comics
20 (N). Criminal, Vol. 5: The Sinners *
21 (+18). Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl (Dork Diaries)
22 (+3). Walking Dead Volume 12 *
23 (+11). V for Vendetta
24 (+6). Green Lantern: Blackest Night *
25 (-6). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
26 (N). Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic Volume 9 - Demon *
27 (+18). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
28 (-5). Instructions
29 (-18). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb
30 (R). Batman R.I.P.
31 (N). Johnny The Homicidal Maniac: Director's Cut
32 (-6). Naruto, Vol. 48
33 (+11). The Flash: Rebirth
34 (-10). The Walking Dead Book 5
35 (+5). Justice League of America: Cry for Justice
36 (-16). Chew Volume 2: International Flavor
37 (+11). Blackest Night: Green Lantern Corps *
38 (R). Irredeemable Vol 2
39 (-12). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
40 (-24). The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear The Hunters
41 (R). Fables Vol. 1: Legends in Exile
42 (N). Deadpool Volume 4: Monkey Business Premiere HC *
43 (-7). Batman: The Killing Joke
44 (-7). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
45 (R). Incorruptible
46 (N). Squee's Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors
47 (-1). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
48 (-16). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
49 (-7). Dark Tower: The Fall of Gilead
50 (R). Ex Machina, Vol. 9: Ring out the Old


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* The top of the chart remains pretty much the same with just some rearranging of the places.

* The highest debut this week isn't until #20, with the pre-order for the latest Criminal collection. New Star Wars & Deadpool colletions pre-orders debut as well.

* Also, two Jhonen Vasquez collections, JtHM & Squee, show up on the chart, the first time since I started keeping track of these things.

* Blacksad goes from pre-order to released, and takes a large jump up the chart.

* Naruto is the lone manga to chart this week.

Big Complaints

Bizarro is brought to you by Environmental Catastrophes.

I've seen a lot of cartoons on the BP spill but I've not seen this done. My friend, Richard Cabeza, had this idea and I really like it.

I'm not going to discuss the spill much other than to say it is a heartbreaking catastrophe of our own making. An even larger catastrophe is commercial fishing in the past 100 years. Experts estimate as much as 90% of large fish are gone from he oceans as a result. The ocean is the weather engine of the planet. We screw that up, the whole thing implodes.

On a slightly different note, I found a YouTube video of a Texas guy calling Jimmy Dean Sausage to complain. It is hilarious, tragic, and says a lot about what's wrong with us. Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

It has a lot of what many people consider to be "bad language" so I'm only providing the link, as opposed to posting the actual video. Gotta keep my site mostly family friendly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4RNb3tt0LM

New This Week: June 23, 2010

What should you look for at the comic shop tomorrow? I'm glad you asked!


Dark Horse have Beasts of Burden: Animal Rites, a collection of the superb mini-series by Evan Dorkin & Jill Thompson, with the earlier short stories from the Dark Horse Book of... anthologies included. These are excellent stories about a group of pets that defend their neighborhood against the supernatural that are thrilling, emotional and a bit scary at times. The art is some of the best of Thompson's career. The miniseries made my Best of 2009 list.


Also from Dark Horse: The Life and Times of Martha Washington in the Twenty-First Century, a massive (600+ pages!) collection of every Martha Washington story by Frank Miller & Dave Gibbons.


IDW serve up the second collection of Thom Zahler's wonderful Love & Capes, one of the best super-hero romantic comedies ever produced, featuring the run-up to Mark & Abby's wedding. The comics included here also made my Best of 2009 list.


Also from IDW: Fallen Angel Omnibus Vol. 0, a large collection of the entire original DC-published Fallen Angel series by Peter David & David Lopez. About half of these comics have never been collected before.


Airship Entertainment have the ninth volume of the popular Girl Genius series by Phil & Kaja Foglio, in both paperback and hardcover editions.

Tough Guy, Ugly Baby, Free Show

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tough Guys.

Writing this cartoon made me wonder how long it will be before there is a "reality" show featuring actual boxers who have to perform feats of dexterity while wearing their gloves. Like typing or tying a shoe. Could happen.
This is one of those silly cartoons that has no particular point to it, which I mentioned in a blog a few days ago.

I suppose you could say the next cartoon is in the same category. I actually got this idea from my sister who recently became a grandmother, not that her grandson looks anything like this. She laughingly said she didn't know if it was genetic programming or what, but she honestly thought her new grandson was the cutest baby she'd ever seen.

It is genetic programming, of course, not just in her case but in the case of all mammals. If we didn't think our babies were cute as hell, nothing would stop us from smothering them the first time they woke us up in the middle of the night screaming. Scientists actually call this "the cute gene," and all species that need care as infants have it. Ones that are capable of surviving on their own the minute they're born aren't "cute," they just look like miniature adults. Snakes are an example. So, probably, was Ann Coulter.

On a happier note, Thursday night here in NYC is an art show at the Bowery Hotel. Performing a couple of live acoustic sets at the show is my friend Rhett Miller, solo artist and front man/singer/songwriter for Old 97s. He's amazing live – very energetic – and his songs are killer good. Go here for info, the show is free and I'll be there with CHNW, for sure. For an additional 40% off the cover charge, tell them Bizarro sent you. As I said, the show is free.

World Cup Confession

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Excitement of the World Cup!!!

I've been watching a bit of the World Cup lately and I'll be honest, I'm having trouble getting into it. I used to play a bit of soccer and enjoyed that, but watching it is dull to me. It's the same game as hockey, which I love, except that in hockey the field is small, the players move quickly, there is lots of action and violence and skill and excitement of all kinds every few seconds. In contrast, soccer seems mostly to be a wide-angle view of a huge park with a lot of similarly dressed people jogging in it.

I know this will irritate soccer fans, sorry about that, and it is the most popular sport in the world so clearly I'm missing something that millions of others see. But I cannot lie to myself any longer. It bores me.

One other thing that I find untenable about soccer is the habit of every player on every team to fall to the ground and fake an injury with all the dramatic skill of a professional wrestler every time they are brushed against. This flies in the face of everything my father taught me about sportsmanship. I find it simultaneously insulting and laughable.

That being said, I hope everyone who enjoys soccer has a jazztown hootenanny good time watching the World Cup this year! Seriously. It's always nice when countries can get together and only pretend to hurt each other.

Rise and Shine!

These polls just kill me. I love you guys. Thanks to your votes, we now know that Miss Sunshine (featured in the previous comic) is:

a bitch (61%)
she's tied as a gossip (29%) and a fake friend (29%)

and lastly, a few of you consider her an airhead (8%)

Stay tuned for more MYTHFITS madness to come. Maybe you'll even affect the outcome of Poo's parasites...

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Dr. Zaius will not let the humans escape with the ape's secret on the cover to Adventures on the Planet of the Apes #5 (1977) by Rich Buckler & Klaus Janson.

(Standard disclaimer about militaristic apes of the future not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Super Saturday!

(For the bigness that this cartoon has to offer, click the dang thing.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Baggy Pants Fashion.

Remember that famous photo of Marilyn Monroe standing over a subway grate with her skirt blowing up? Sadly, that never actually happens in New York but the scene above happens every day. And subway grates aren't the only problem. We don't get a lot of windy thunderstorms here, but on the rare occasion that we do, several young men in clown-sized clothing go missing. Sometimes they show up in Jersey or Connecticut, sometimes they are whisked out to sea, only to wash up on the shore a week later as a fashionably-dressed bloated corpse.

I've participated in some stupid fashions in my day, but none of them lasted as long as the giant-pants fad has. As long as I live, I will never understand it.

On the plus side, it's a guaranteed laugh every time I leave the house.

PLUS!!!

Since it is SuperSaturday, here are a couple of bonus cartoons based on ideas from my buddy, Cliff. He wrote a cool emoticon gag for me a year-or-so ago that ran in Parade Magazine. By using your eyes, you may see it below.










And since I am cartoon rich and cash poor, here is one more bonus cartoon. This one was written by Cliff's son, Nicco, who is 9 or 11 or something like that. Kids say the darnedest things. (And why shouldn't they? The darnedest things happen!!!!)

Wearable MYTHFITS

I'm not going to write a bunch of dazzling words to sell shirts, but if you'd like to see the designs for MYTHFITS, Check them out here. More shirt designs will be hatched soon, and if there are requests, just call Miss sunshine on her cell. She may or may not pick up, depending on the gossip of the day. Thanks for stopping by. [ ^_^ ]

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Troublemaker Book 1: Alex Barnaby Series 3 *
2 (+2). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
3 (+1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
4 (+2). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour *
5 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
6 (+1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
7 (+11). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
8 (-5). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5 *
9 (-1). Twilight: The Graphic Novel, Volume 1
10 (+4). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
11 (+1). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb
12 (+9). Watchmen
13 (+3). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
14 (-5). Wednesday Comics
15 (N). Hellboy Volume 10: The Crooked Man and Others *
16 (+7). The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear The Hunters
17 (R). Odd Is on Our Side *
18 (-5). Kick-Ass
19 (+6). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
20 (N). Chew Volume 2: International Flavor *
21 (+14). Blackest Night *
22 (-7). Bloom County: The Complete Library, Vol. 2: 1982-1984
23 (-13). Instructions
24 (-2). The Walking Dead Book 5
25 (-6). Walking Dead Volume 12 *
26 (-6). Naruto, Vol. 48
27 (R). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
28 (+1). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
29 (-12). Mass Effect Volume 1: Redemption
30 (R). Green Lantern: Blackest Night *
31 (N). Legends: The Enchanted *
32 (R). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
33 (+3). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
34 (R). V for Vendetta
35 (R). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
36 (+8). Batman: The Killing Joke
37 (+9). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
38 (R). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
39 (-28). Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl (Dork Diaries)
40 (+7). Justice League of America: Cry for Justice
41 (+4). Blacksad *
42 (-6). Dark Tower: The Fall of Gilead
43 (-1). Batman and Robin, Vol. 1: Batman Reborn
44 (-20). The Flash: Rebirth
45 (-18). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
46 (R). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
47 (-21). The Phantom: The Complete Newspaper Dailies Volume 1: 1936-1938
48 (N). Blackest Night: Green Lantern Corps *
49 (N). The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya *
50 (-20). Wilson


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* A new Scott Pilgrim trailer gives several of the comics a boost above the Wimpy Kid. They still can't top Janet Evanovich though.

* I still have no explanation for the recent surge in interest in Persepolis. Has there been some sort of recent media notice?

* The highest debut belongs to a new Hellboy volume, followed by Chew & Legends: The Enchanted.

* Interest in the Blackest Night hardcovers increases as their July release looms closer.

Knowledge is Power

I just found these two videos this morning and they are truly amazing.

This first one describes in scientific terms the anthropological history of human empathy and how some of us have extended our compassion to other species and the planet.



The second one describes the psychological and social nature of different time zones and cities and how it affects our mentality and health.



Each is ten minutes long but will fly by because of the revolutionary way in which they are presented with visual and verbal information in an easy-to-absorb formula. A brilliant way to appeal to both verbal and visual learners simultaneously.

Do yourself a favor and watch them both. If you dig these half as much as I did, you'll be halfway to China.

Robot Muscles

Bizarro is brought to you today Roadside Robots.

Two more cartoons today, what a week it has been for more than one cartoon! First is the robot cartoon that comments on our species' regrettable ability to destroy everything we touch, usually for important reasons like personal comfort, sensory pleasure, and convenience. It's not like it's ever going to stop, but then neither will I stop complaining about it so maybe that evens out.

Next is a joke about exercising only a single part of your body. I've explored this theme at least a couple of times before, once with a guy who's right side is totally lumpy like a weightlifter and the other side is skinny. The other appears in my book, "Bizarro and Other Strange Manifestations of the Art of Dan Piraro," and is posted below.

Theoretically, it seems it should be possible to work certain facial muscles to the point that they bulge. I wonder if this will ever become a fad.

Click the image to enlarge it so you can read the caption from the book. That book is out of print now, but can still be bought here. You'll love it and I'll have more room in my garage. Seriously.

Fancy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Superstition.

Here are two cartoons again, since I'm still playing catchup. The first one means nothing, I just wanted to play with the term "fancy pants." Lately I've been playing with comics that are just silly, not particularly clever or witty. It's fun sometimes.

The next cartoon is about politics in general and wasn't really meant as a defense of Obama per se, but it was taken that way by at least one angry genius. Here is the email I received from him:

It must be hard to write a comic strip while holding obama's PECKER in your mouth. I don't remember you taking up for bush. Maybe you should make a comic about a hypocrite cartoonist who can't leave politics out of the funny papers. Never mind, you already do that. Idiot.

And my response:
Thanks for the note. You're right, I never took up for Bush, he was a retarded cowboy who could scarcely finish a sentence, much less lead a country. Obama is a brilliant man with a great deal of dignity, compassion, and respect for our constitution. Though I don't agree with many of his policies, at least he is not utterly destroying America at home and abroad, as "W" most certainly did. Not a matter of opinion, a matter of historical record.

By the way, I'm not required to leave politics out of the funny papers. You seem confused about that point, as well as the meaning of the word "hypocrite."

I rarely answer emails like this one in anger, but this guy seemed to need a slap in the face. I know he didn't care but it made me feel better to write it. I'm only human.

IITS and Comic-Con 2010!

Hey Everyone!

I got some great news to share...we were approved at the last minute for a table at Comic-Con 2010! Genevieve and I will do our best to switch gears and create some new content for our readers for this Comic-Con even though we were thinking we'd only be at APE this year for our final 2010 show. The table fee has been mailed, hotels and flights booked, and things are looking great for us at Comic-Con International 2010! See y'all there!

Hey, look! APB Kayli and her 20 foot tall statue heard the news too and they're super pumped!


- Joseph

DC's Top Ten Current Comics

Here, in alphabetical order, are the best comics currently being published by DCE (as determined by me!)

* Batman & Robin - Grant Morrison on Batman, joined by a rotating team of top artists on 3-issue stories. This comic should be the template for super-heroes in the new decade.

* Batman: The Brave and the Bold - Ostensibly a comic for kids, based on the Cartoon Network series, this is one comic that doesn't forget that super-hero comics should be awesome. With frequent guest stars you thought you might never see in comics again, at least once per issue I squeal with fanboy joy.

* Birds of Prey - Yes, we're only one issue into the new series. But writer Gail Simone hasn't missed a beat, and even artist Ed Benes seems to have stepped his game up a notch.

* Daytripper - It was clear from the outset that Moon & Bá's comic would look fabulous. It took me a few issues to grok what was going on with the story, but once I did it really grew on me (though I'm still not exactly sure what it's about...)

* Ex Machina - Just one issue left to go, but unless Vaughan & Harris completely blow the ending (highly unlikely) they will have given us a modern super-hero classic for the first decade of the 2000s.

* Jonah Hex - Violent and moralistic, Gray & Palmiotti write Hex just the way his comic should be. Most stories are done-in-one, with just the lightest touch of occasional continuity. They are joined by a some of the best artists working in comics.

* Madame Xanadu - I didn't know I needed this comic until Matt Wagner & Amy Reeder gave it to me, by giving a personality to a previously cypher of a character and managing to lightly tie into DC continuity (with guest appearances by the likes of the Phantom Stranger and the Martian Manhunter).

* The Spirit - In their first two issues, writer Mark Schultz & artist Moritat have managed to strike the right balance in making the title character both classic and modern.

* Sweet Tooth - It's Jeff Lemire doing a a Jeff Lemire thing in a post-apocalyptic world, every month and in color.

* Unknown Soldier - I've only actually read the first trade so far, but Dysart & Ponticelli's powerful story of the cost of war and violence guarantees that I'll be back for more.


Honorable Mention: Power Girl - Gray, Palmiotti & Conner finished their too short twelve-issue run last month, having given us a good solid year of super-hero stories that are fun and exciting.

Happy Cows

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where Babies Come From.

Just got back to town last night after four days away. If you're keeping a log of my whereabouts, I was in Los Angeles on Thursday night doing some "comedy" (quotation marks are indicative of the subjective nature of the comedy I did) at the premiere of Skin Trade, a movie about where the cute little fur collars, cuffs, jackets and hats everyone is wearing come from. If you're willing to wear fur, you should be willing to watch this film. That's all I'm going to say about it.

Friday I flew home, loaded up the BMW and drove up to Woodstock Sanctuary for our annual June Jamboree. The weather sucked for June – chilly and drizzly – but the event was a success nonetheless. Yay.

Here's two cartoons, to catch up from my lack of posts over the last few days. I hope they give you a chuckle.

And here is a strange video taken at Woodstock over the weekend. We had no idea this would happen and have never seen the steer acting this way before. Normally, they are very sedentary. You can count on one hand the number of times they take more than two steps at a time in a given month. I guess they just like Three Dog Night.

Ugly Piece of Crap

You get what you ask for. According to my last poll, you thought Poo should come back as:

poo (37%)

a sorcerer (32%)

Jeebus (30%)

an acorn (16%)

Having Poo come back as a sorcerer would have been fun, huh? Ohh well, look for the new poll and keep the votes coming. It's always stimulating gathering research on the magical world of MYTHFITS.

Kayli in APB!

Hello IITS Readers!

So I've been dying to share this with you all because I think it's very neat...but I honored the NDA that Real Time Worlds had on the Closed Beta Testers for their upcoming PC action game, APB or All Points Bulletin. No, it's not a remake of the classic...it's basically large scale Grand Theft Auto gameplay from the father of GTA, Dave Jones. Well, the NDA is effectively over since anyone and their grandmother can join the Key to the City event right now...

The game is a lot of fun and that is in no small part due to the fact that you can create your own character in almost any way you can imagine. Naturally, I made Kayli and she turned out pretty neat. The first two shots below are when I was with the Enforcer faction (cops) but after the servers wiped, I remade Kayli as a criminal and created a cool custom tan line job for her. If anyone has watched any anime or read any manga in the last ten years, you might recognize the outline of a one piece, Japanese schoolgirl swimsuit. =)

All the decals, designs, and lettering are custom work...made using a system similar to what you might see in the Forza series of games. So you can't actually import any art...you gotta make it yourself from "primitive" shapes, a little masking, and a lot of creativity. I'm certainly not the best artist in the game but I'm the only one who came up with the idea to use tattoos as a means of faking a tan line for my character.

Anyway, it's vaguely IITS related in the sense that it's Kayli in the APB game...hope y'all like it.

- Joseph

The monster hoodie is two circles for each eye and triangles for teeth.
Even the striped socks are custom. Seriously, guys? No striped socks?

The theme was "rookie cop on her first day on the job who forgets
to put her pants on before she leaves the police station locker room".

Close up detail of the Central Islands icon on Kayli's shoulder
as well as her cheek tattoos. I think they turned out great.

Here's the front view of the tan lines. It's actually made up
of thirty unique shapes that are translucent "tattoos".

Here's a view of the tan lines from Kayli's back. I'm a little sad that
they don't allow for bigger butts but at least you can enlarge the hips.

Here's a close up...if you look closely at the wrist on the right,
you'll see a small, gray seam where the tattoos didn't quite match up.

You can tag the city with you graffiti and so I used the Central Islands
icon and posed in front of my handiwork for this shot. =)