Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

"I Am the Gorilla-Man" on the cover to Tales to Astonish #28, by Jack Kirby & Dick Ayers (1962).

(Standard disclaimer about mad scientists who turn into gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Gumby and Goliath

(And the angel said, "Weep not over the smallness of the image, for ye must only click it and have faith.")

Bizarro is brought to you today by Drunken Shriners.

I didn't realize this was Spring Break for some people when I submitted this cartoon six weeks ago, but it's a fairly suitable image for it. Just change the waiter's line to, "Seniors?" This cartoon, however, is not about getting drunk, but melting in the sun because you're made of putty. Just so you know.

CHNW and I recently saw a pretty interesting documentary on Art Clokey, the guy who invented the Gumby and Pokey series. The story behind the development of the series was somewhat interesting but the strange twists that his personal life took are fascinating. I recommend it to anyone interested in human behavior. The film is called Gumby Dharma. Careful with that keyboard – if you accidentally order Dharma and Greg, my previous comments may not apply.

Clokey is also responsible for the Davey and Goliath series, animated shorts that are as difficult to turn away from as a train wreck and for all the same reasons. D&G has the same quirky, jerky animation techniques but adds an insufferably precious element of morality. If you're like me, it makes you squirm and giggle with embarassment for the producers who created it as you ask yourself incredulously, "who buys this crap?" But the documentary casts a whole new light on it.

If you've not seen Davey and Goliath, ask your doctor if watching Davey and Goliath is right for you.

(DISCLAIMER: As a child, I was a fan of Gumby and Pokey and do not wish them ill. By making fun of D&G, I am not making fun of Christianity or morals per se. Even when I was a devout Christian, I found D&G to be squirm worthy. Linking to a picture of a figurine of Jesus with children does not mean I hate children or your idea of Jesus. My use of the word "morality" in a humorous context does not mean I am ammoral. Your experiences while watching the aforementioned programs may be different from mine.)

Pi Day

(click the funny funny picture to make it bigger, clearer)

This special edition of Bizarro is brought to you by Pi.

Because today is March 14th (3/14), math nerds everywhere (like me) are celebrating Pi Day. Sometimes confused with Pie Day, which is on January 23rd, today's variety refers to the magical math number 3.1415blahblahblah, which is called "pi" by those of us in the know.

There are lots of things you can do with pi, like figure out something about a circle or time travel or something. It's been a while since I was in a math class, but I remember it was really useful.

For you history buffs, "pi" was first invented by the people who built Stonehenge, which is really just a bunch of them stuck together.

Squirrels of the Caribbean

Bizarro is brought to you today by Foolproof Get Rich Quick Schemes.

We were all raised believing that pirates habitually buried their treasure like it was a trait of their species, beyond their control, something they just did without thinking like the way certain tough guys adjust their scrotum every 45 seconds.

In all likelihood this stereotype comes from a single source, like Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. But I wonder if it has any historical basis at all. Did any pirate ever bury a treasure and then forget to go back and get it? Did any pirate ever bury a treasure at all? If so, why?

It can't be one of those schemes you see in movies sometimes when a guy steals something, hides it, turns himself in, then spends the money when he gets out of prison. A pirate would know that if he ever got caught, he'd never see the light of day again. Was it to save room on the ship? Were pirate ships typically so crowded with scallywags, wenches and scurvy knaves that they needed the extra two square feet a treasure chest inhabited?

And what's with those useless maps they made? Even a pirate would know that a map that consisted of drawings of trees and dotted lines would not be enough to navigate by. These guys were professional navigators, for Pete's sake. And who is Pete? Why have so many people done things for his sake? Is he at grateful? Does he even know what we've been doing on his behalf?

As a person who has published a book about pirates (okay, a book of pirate cartoons) I know all too well that the mysterious life of the pirate raises far more questions than it answers. Perhaps it is best that we never know the truth and just admire these filthy, ruthless, criminals for the romantic heroes they were.

Celebrating Celebs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Questionable Public Behavior.

I think celebrities often go off the deep end because they are used to being above the rules. I've experienced this on rare occasions when a group in a small town invites me to perform or something. For an hour or two, they treat me like Mick Jagger or Dane Cook. I don't wait in lines, I get special favors, everyone treats me like gold, nobody disagrees with me or questions any whim. I don't take unfair advantage of those situations because they are so rare and I don't feel entitled to it. In fact, it's fairly embarrassing.

But if you lived every day of your life like that for years, I think there is a great temptation to begin to believe you really are that special and develop a general attitude that you are immune to the rules that guide most people. I think this explains some of the celebrity drug addictions, weapons possessions, speeding tickets, shoplifting arrests, and the way Bono looks on the recent cover of Rolling Stone magazine.

I hope I never get to the place that there is no one in my life who will stop me from leaving the house like that.

(DISCLAIMER: There are other reasons celebrities get into trouble. Lots of people who get into trouble are not celebrities. Some people are more prone to feeling entitled than others, whether they are celebrities or not. I like Bono's music and his work for charity. I am not equating myself with "real" celebrities. I don't think Mick Jagger and Dane Cook are crazy, I just used their pictures to illustrate a point. I really do, however, think that eye makeup on Bono is grotesque.)

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Watchmen
2 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (-). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
6 (-). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
7 (+1). V for Vendetta
8 (-1). Watchmen (hardcover)
9 (-). Batman: The Killing Joke
10 (+1). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1
11 (+7). The Joker
12 (+17). Blueberry Girl
13 (+12). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
14 (-). From Hell
15 (-). Batman R.I.P.
16 (-3). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
17 (-7). Star Trek: Countdown TPB *
18 (+5). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
19 (-7). All Star Superman, Vol. 2
20 (N). Fruits Basket, Vol. 22 *
21 (+3). Watching the Watchmen: The Definitive Companion to the Ultimate Graphic Novel
22 (-2). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 2
23 (+9). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
24 (-3). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1972 *
25 (+8). Crown Of Horns (Bone)
26 (N). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
27 (+19). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4) *
28 (N). The Vast Spread of the Seas (The Twelve Kingdoms)
29 (-7). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
30 (N). Jack of Fables Vol. 5: Turning Pages
31 (-14). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe
32 (+2). The Arrival
33 (N). Bone Volume 8: Treasure Hunters
34 (N). Serenity, Vol. 1: Those Left Behind
35 (N). Superman: Brainiac
36 (N). Batman: The Long Halloween
37 (N). Bone Volume 7: Ghost Circles
38 (N). Humbug (2 Volume Set) *
39 (-8). Vampire Knight, Vol. 6
40 (N). DC Universe: The Stories of Alan Moore
41 (-15). Naruto, Volume 38
42 (N). The DC Comics Encyclopedia, Updated and Expanded Edition
43 (-8). Naruto, Volume 41
44 (N). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
45 (-26). The Starman Omnibus, Vol. 2
46 (N). Eerie Archives Volume 1 *
47 (N). The Sandman Vol. 3: Dream Country
48 (-20). Naruto, Volume 39
49 (N). Bone Volume 6: Old Man's Cave
50 (-23). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* Blah blah Watchmen blah blah. Watchmen actually sat at the top of the regular All Books charts for most of the week, but slipped back down to #2 this afternoon. It would appear that at least for now there's no major after-movie drop off for Watchmen.

* Not sure if DC's After Watchmen promotion will bear much fruit, but at least a handful of the titles they're promoting make debuts on the chart this week, including The Long Halloween and The DC Universe Stories of Alan Moore. I'm surprised though that the new Swamp Thing hardcover doesn't chart.

* The top of the charts continue to be quite boring, with very little movement if any among the top ten titles. But there's plenty of volatility as you move down the charts.

* Naruto titles continue to fall down the charts, but I'm sure in a couple of weeks when the next batch are published they'll spike right back up again. In the meantime, the pre-order for volume 22 of Fruits Basket pops back up high on the list this week, after being missing entirely last week. And I'm surprised to see Fuyumi Ono's The Vast Spread of the Seas debuting so high, as this type of manga doesn't normally chart on bestseller lists.

* A lot of Bone action this week, with several older volumes popping up near the bottom of the chart.

Bird Envy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Extremely Young Morticians.

Here is another gag submitted by my strange friend, Derek. I changed it a tiny bit, not much, and I think it is his best yest. There have been many cartoon versions of the "Wrong brothers" before, but this one is fresh and simple, in my opinion. It makes me chuckle.

I admit that I didn't research Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. For all I know there are no bluffs within twenty miles, it's as flat as a pancake and that's why the Wright brothers chose it. Nothing to run into.

If the Wright brothers could see what today's flight industry has become, they would be astounded by how badly I was treated by Delta two weeks ago when they stranded me for a day in Atlanta, then left my luggage outside in the rain overnight. This was NOT what Orville and Wilbur had in mind.