Striped

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by My Favorite Novels.

True, some of us are predisposed to look heavier.

For instance, even though I am 6' 4" tall, my body type makes me look more like 5' 7". The illusion my body type creates is so complete that when you hold a tape measure up next to me, it even makes the tape measure look shorter. Again, around 5' 7" or so.

Fortunately, I also have a body type that makes me look thinner than I actually am. While I weigh around 225 lbs, I look like I don't weigh a pound over 140. Living as a big, tall man who looks like a small, thin man has both advantages and disadvantages.

Advantage: A bully picks a fight with me thinking I am a wimpy little dude but then I kick his ass like an ape on a luggage commercial.

Disadvantage: Women who respond to my personal ads have difficulty hiding their disappointment when they meet me the first time.

The point of all of this is that we all have our imperfections to bear. At least you're not covered with permanent horizontal stripes.

Emergency

PLEASE HELP US!!!

Sorry to alarm you with this picture of your favorite cartoonist (let me have my fantasies) and his CHNW being mauled by a polar bear, but I felt the need to make a dramatic point. Read on, but relax, I assure you we were in no danger in the picture above.

I rarely ask anything of you but I'd like to ask you to help out CHNW and me today. As some of you know, we are founding board members of the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. It's expensive to rescue animals, what with all the night drops over enemy territory, ninja outfits, Navy Seal sharpshooters, etc., and charity dollars are way down in this currently creepy economy.

But here is the good news: a rich dude has promised he would match all the funds we could raise throughout May! We're as happy as a circus tiger with a trainer's arm in his mouth and are pushing hard to get some bucks to come in THIS MONTH. Please toss us a little (or a lot) something, every little bit helps and every dollar will be doubled! I can personally vouch that we're not rich, we work hard, and every penny goes to helping animals and the environment. For reals.

(NOTE: Some words in the text above have been italicized for your ease in picking out the important bits.)

FCBM5 Day 6

It's day six of the Fifth Annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from BJ Bancroft. The five comics that BJ listed are:

1. Green Lantern
2. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight
3. Rex Mundi
4. All Star Superman
5. The Dreaming

And his other thing of interest is History.

As a follower of history, I suspect that BJ will appreciate the first two issues of Nat Turner, Kyle Baker's adaptation of the famous slave narrative.

For BJ's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Donald Duck Halloween comic.

BJ's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
13 entries
14 free comics sent so far
25 days remaining

FCBM5 Day 5

It's day five of the Fifth Annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Fred of the blog/Webstrip . The five comics that Fred listed are:

1. Blue Beetle
2. The Question
3. Batman (Greant/Breyogle era)
4. Magnus Robot Fighter
5. X-O Manowar

And his other thing of interest is retro video games. (If only I had an issue of Atari Force to send him!)

For Fred I have the first issue of Planetary Brigade: Origins, the super-hero team comic by Giffen & DeMatteis.

For Fred's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Donald Duck Halloween comic.

Fred's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
10 entries
11 free comics sent so far
26 days remaining

Wall Street and Hong Kong

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Hurtful Hair.

Here's my little shot at the legion of despicable Wall Street scum that recently destroyed our economy. We all hate them, and rightly so. We're all tired of politicians treating them like babies strapped with dynamite and we're all tired of these asses staying rich while the rest of us lose our jobs. But we're also tired of hearing about it, so let's talk about Bruce Lee.

I recently saw some old videos of this guy on YouTube and it made me question reality. How can this guy have done what he apparently did? I'm not talking about "make corny kung fu movies," I'm talking about his feats of physical speed, strength, accuracy, agility, etc.

Below is a video of Lee playing ping pong. I'm actually a pretty decent ping pong player and was proud of that fact until I saw this. If this film is real, on my best day my ping pong skills more closely resemble a trained bear whacking a brick wall with a wet beach towel.

Either this video is fake, or Bruce Lee was a witch.

(NOTE: Lee is playing with nunchucks rather than a paddle. For the unfamiliar, nunchucks are a martial arts weapon consisting of two sticks of wood joined by a short length of chain.)

FCBM5 Day 4

It's day four of the Fifth Annual YACB Free Comic Book Month!

Our next selected entry is from Rob McMonigal of the blog Panel Patter. The five comics that Rob listed are:

1. The Walking Dead
2. House of Mystery
3. Fables
4. Invincible
5. Amazing Spider-Man

And his other thing of interest is being part of the shadowcast of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

For Rob I have the first two issues of the 2003 Demon: Driven Out miniseries by Josh Dysart & Pop Mhan.

For Rob's bonus comic, I'm sending him the Peanuts Halloween comic.

Rob's comics should be in the mail within a week. Enjoy!

There's still time to send in your entry for the YACB Free Comic Book Month; details are here.

Current FCBM Statistics:
10 entries
9 free comics sent so far
27 days remaining

Cool Vid

Nothing to do with my cartoon, I just found this video to be really cool.