Rats!

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dangerous Rodents.

I went to the DMV today because I wanted to waste a couple of hours, be amazed by the idiocy of human bureaucracy, and register a motorcycle I bought recently. I accomplished two of my three goals – the wasting time and idiocy amazement – but I did not get a plate for the bike. I am not surprised, it was only my first visit for this particular undertaking and one can never acheive anything at a New York City DMV in less than two trips. In fact, the sign posted at the waiting area clearly states:

TO REGISTER YOUR VEHICLE YOU WILL NEED:
1. A notarized title
1. Proof of insurance
3. Completed forms DTF-802 and MV-82
4. Two forms of current picture I.D.
5. Something you did not bring

Of course, I forgot to bring number 5. I'll try again tomorrow.

Prius vs. Prime Rib

If you are a person concerned with what you can do to help mitigate climate change, read this short article from the Washington Post.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/28/AR2009072800390.html

Party On

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Just Say No.

I was a touch surprised that this cartoon got through the gauntlet of editors-that-be and appeared in newspapers all over the continent without any complaints. (That I know of.) My guess is that the kind of people who would object to this cartoon didn't understand it.

Usually, any reference to illegal "drugs" that is not wholly pro-abstinence gets some heat. In the interest of full disclosure, I am not an avid consumer of recreational drugs, though I've tried a few of the more popular ones. But on principle alone, I am incensed by the absurd notion that alcohol in moderation is acceptable but natural substances like hemp and psilocybin mushrooms are "of the devil."

What started with greedy capitalists wanting to ban natural substances they could not sell to the public so that they could make more money off of booze and nicotine (and paper made of wood, and cloth made of cotton instead of hemp) has received such a PR snowjob that most Americans still believe they should be illegal. Even people who have smoked pot and eaten mushrooms continue to lobby for their criminalization. How many of you learned in school that George Washington was a hemp farmer and believed it was the crop that the United States should build its economy on? That's my point, neither did I.

The reason these substances are associated with darkness and evil is because they are illegal and are sold by criminals. Marijuana is no more of a gateway to death by heroin overdose than Cheetos is to murder. (Statistics show that 99.8% of all convicted murderers have eaten Cheetos at some point in their life, many are even "addicted" to them.)

I'd love to see our society grow up, but I'm not holding my breath.

NOTE: To my mind there is a HUGE difference between natural substances like pot and mushrooms and manmade chemicals like acid, meth, XTC, etc. One can argue the logic of keeping those illegal or not, but my point here is that plants don't belong in the same category as those.

Fuggetabottit

Bizarro is brought to you today by Want To See My Spleen?

Near the top of my list of favorite things to do each day is climbing into bed at night and reading. (Other items on the list: pointing at rainbows, teaching my cat Tai Chi, running through crowded subways shouting "Grey's Anatomy is FAKE!")

I sometimes wonder if my bed looks forward to our time together as much as I do. Is it a willing participant in my nightly slumber? Does it sleep when I sleep or does it sleep during the day and lie awake all night wishing I'd get the hell off of it? And how does it feel about being used for sex?

Does the memory foam really remember me? If so, does it also remember my cats? If someone uses a memory foam mattress to cheat on their spouse, will it ever forget? When the mattress gets old, does it remember who slept on it thirty years ago but not who used it last night?

After all that musing, I'm embarrassed to say that I can't remember if my mattress is memory foam or not.

Amazon Top 50

Sorry the list is so late this time. Last Friday I was on a 14-hour leg of a road trip, and wasn't able to grab the Amazon bestseller list. I did manage to get a copy of it Saturday morning though, and here is the delayed list. Since this snapshot was done Saturday rather than Friday, you should keep that in mind when comparing week-to-week, in addition to all the previous caveats.


1 (+1). Watchmen
2 (+5). Asterios Polyp
3 (+1). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition *
4 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
5 (+11). Parker: The Hunter
6 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
7 (+11). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
8 (+9). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
9 (-). Final Crisis
10 (+3). The Boys, Vol. 4
11 (-1). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
12 (+32). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
13 (-7). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
14 (+14). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
15 (-). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
16 (-4). Green Lantern: Rage of the Red Lanterns
17 (-2). Fruits Basket Volume 23
18 (-13). 100 Bullets Vol. 13: Wilt
19 (+4). Batman: The Killing Joke
20 (+1). V for Vendetta
21 (-7). Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow? Deluxe Edition
22 (+5). Green Lantern: Rebirth
23 (N). Mouse Guard Volume 2: Winter 1152 *
24 (+2). Angel: After the Fall, Vol. 4 *
25 (-17). Maximum Ride, Vol. 1 Manga (kindle)
26 (N). Berserk Volume 30 *
27 (+3). Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 2
28 (N). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 4 *
29 (N). The Art of Harvey Kurtzman: The Mad Genius of Comics
30 (-19). The Complete Persepolis
31 (-). Bone: One Volume Edition
32 (+13). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
33 (-4). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
34 (-9). Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 1
35 (N). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
36 (+4). Batman: Year One
37 (+4). Lost Girls Hardcover Edition
38 (N). American Born Chinese
39 (N). Batman: R.I.P.
40 (-8). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
41 (+7). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
42 (N). Tales Designed to Thrizzle: Volume 1 *
43 (N). The Photographer: Into War-torn Afghanistan with Doctors Without Borders
44 (N). Empowered, Vol. 5
45 (-23). Nevermore *
46 (N). New Avengers Vol. 10: Power *
47 (N). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
48 (-28). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
49 (N). Y: The Last Man Vol. 8: Kimono Dragons
50 (-15). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* The most notable thing this week is the relatively poor showing of the Wimpy Kid volumes. Is this a function of taking the reading on Saturday rather than Friday? We'll find out this Friday I suppose. Also, sneaking in at #28 is the pre-order for the fourth Wimpy Kid volume; expect to see this move up and settle in to the top slot before too long.

* The highest debut this week belongs to the second Mouse Guard hardcover (in pre-order); another title I expect to move up into the top ten when it comes out next month.

* Watchmen moves back to the top slot, and the reappearance of the Absolute Edition on the chart, are probably the result of the Watchmen DVD being released.

* I wonder if the Green Lantern surge will last for the entirety of Blackest Night? That plus the new direct-to-DVD animated movie plus the announcement of a live-action feature film are no doubt pushing the property up the charts.

Whap Goes the Weasel

Bizarro today is brought to you by Carnivorous Cabbage.

One more cartoon from my friend and colleague, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I like his gags and have featured a small handful in Bizarro over the past few months, with his permission, of course.

I like the contradictory image of a guy using a "carrot on a stick," not to entice, but to intimidate. If you want to see more of what Wayno has been up to, he has asked me to direct you to his FacialBook page.

In other news, a reader in Scandinavia has permanently scarred his body with one of my bits of artwork and I wish to thank him for sending the photos below. I am always honored when this happens, and would like to publicly state here and now that anyone who indelibly disfigures their body with artwork from Bizarro will get a personal sympathy card from yours truly. Other, more egoistic cartoonists might offer currency, jewels, or merchandise, but I am a humble man.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Spawn fights Cy-Gor on Greg Capullo & Todd McFarlane's cover to Spawn #57 (1997).

(Standard disclaimer about cybrnetic gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.