Deconstructing Death

Bizarro is brought to you today by this guy.

I've often thought I'd rather die than go to prison, especially for a very long time, and super especially if I was old and there was no real chance of getting out before I died.

But then, when actually faced with the moment of truth, I'm guessing I'd just go to prison and deal with it like most people do, rather than offing myself. Unless you've got a special set of chemical and emotional conditions in your head, suicide is pretty much the hardest thing in the world to do. Millions of years of evolution have designed us to think that staying alive is the single most important objective, next to reproducing. Intellectually, it is easy for me to talk myself out of both of those premises, recognizing them as biological features that have singular goals which I do not necessarily share.

Even though I reproduced a couple of times (long ago), I'm not one to think that it makes any difference whatsoever whether my bloodline or my name or my genes carry on. I don't care one way or the other, it's all a speck of dust in the universe. Nor do I honestly believe that it makes any difference if I live for another 45 years or die this afternoon. (Although if I do die this afternoon after having written this blog, it will give birth to volumes of conspiracy theories and false assumptions. I, for one, still believe Andy Kaufman's death was a hoax and he's going to make a grand comeback any day now.)

I can feel sorry for those who love me having to endure my loss, but it won't matter to me or to the world, in any meaningful way. (Nor will I even know I'm dead, much as I didn't know I hadn't been born yet 500 years ago) My readers will lament the loss of my cartoons for a short while, then move on. Whatever.

I'm not trying to solicit sympathy or be depressing, I'm not depressed at all, in fact. I'm just explaining my take on death. In an intellectual sense, it just doesn't bother me. That's not to say I want to die, of course, I don't. At least not while life is still relatively enjoyable. If Sarah Palin is ever elected president, however, that may change.

On a side note, I didn't do this on purpose but I think the lawyer in this cartoon looks a lot like Craig Crawford of Congressional Quarterly, a regular guest on the Keith Olbermann show.

Don't miss today's contest, posted at 4pm, NYC time. Ciao, baby.

CONTEST LATER TODAY!!!!!!!

Today, at four (4) o'clock (of the clock) p.m. (prementsrual) NYC time (New York City time) this week's contest will be posted.

Tell your friends, tell your family, call your favorite news channel, wear it on your T-shirt. It's ON, suckers.

For previous contest rules, to which today's will be similar if not identical, click the bunny. (Bunny)

Not Nuts

My madre unt padre are in NYC visiting, leaving later today, so again I find myself short of time for a lengthy blog.

Their submarine leaves from the Brooklyn Navy Yard this afternoon, so I'll catch up later today or tomorrow. Promise.

You're so sweet for understanding.

Delicious Dog

Bizarro is brought to you today by TBA.

I'm on deadline today, but I've been out of town all weekend and haven't posted anything new, so here's a quick cartoon for you.

I'll post comments and funny ha ha big yucks and links later this afternoon or evening.

Ciao, baby.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Stupor Duck defeats Gruesome Gorilla on Dave Alvarez & Mike DeCarlo's cover to Looney Tunes #170 (2009).

(Standard disclaimer about gorillas who can be beaten up by ducks not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the Comic Book DB. Click on the image for a larger version.

Groovy Grass

(To make the image, like, all big and awesome, click the row of seats.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Extremely Slow Dogs.

After this cartoon ran in the papers, a few emails arrived at Bizarro Headquarters from confused readers. They understood the joke just fine, they were just confused in general. One person wasn't sure why they had married the person they did, another was confused about when to file his estimated tax payments. I answered their questions as well as I could and thanked them for writing.

Meanwhile, this cartoon is more easily understood if you look carefully at the picture. A man is putting soil and grass seed into a washing machine and a woman is stacking squares of sod on top of the dryers at a place called "Bermuda Lawndromat." "Bermuda," of course, is a popular species of grass.

I'm off to Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary for a weekend fundraiser. The weather looks dreadful, cold with a possibility of snow. Not what we were hoping for, but we'll manage. Hope you enjoy your weekend, wherever you are. As always, stay out of jail and keep your teeth in your mouth.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
2 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (+3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (+2). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
6 (-4). Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth
7 (-4). The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks
8 (+1). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5)
9 (-1). Bloom County Complete Library Volume 1 *
10 (-). Watchmen
11 (+23). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
12 (+18). Stitches: A Memoir
13 (+31). Hellboy Library Edition Volume 3: Conqueror Worm And Strange Places
14 (+13). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set
15 (+11). Naruto, Volume 46
16 (+32). V for Vendetta
17 (N). The Amazing Spider-Man Pop-Up: Marvel True Believers Retro Collection
18 (-1). Asterios Polyp
19 (-). Tumor Chapter 1 (kindle)
20 (-2). Mercy Thompson Homecoming
21 (+11). Dilbert: 2010 Day-to-Day Calendar
22 (-). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
23 (-). The Cartoon History of the Modern World, Part 2: From the Bastille to Baghdad
24 (+7). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
25 (-9). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
26 (-13). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
27 (-2). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
28 (-13). Batman: Year One
29 (R). Absolute Death
30 (-19). 14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box: A Dilbert Book *
31 (R). The Complete Persepolis
32 (-18). Batman: The Killing Joke
33 (-21). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
34 (+1). Berserk Volume 31 *
35 (-7). Marvel Encyclopedia
36 (R). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
37 (R). The Best American Comics 2009
38 (+2). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
39 (N). Tee Time in Berzerkistan: A Doonesbury Book *
40 (-3). The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
41 (N). The Complete Peanuts 1967-1970 Box Set
42 (+4). The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz HC
43 (N). Dog Style Volume 3
44 (-23). Masterpiece Comics
45 (R). Yotsuba&!, Vol. 6
46 (-8). Locke & Key: Head Games
47 (+3). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
48 (-7). The Arrival
49 (R). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
50 (-30). Bloom County: Complete Library Volume 2 *


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days is not just top on the Comics & Graphic Novels charts, it's also the #1 book overall on Amazon. It outsells Sarah Palin & Dan Brown & Stephen King (at the 2, 3, & 4 slots respectively). The Last Straw weighs in at #24 on the overall chart, the first volume is at #44, and Roderick Rules is at #50.

* What to make of the block of #11-16, all of which made huge jumps up the chart this week?

* The highest debut belongs to The Amazing Spider-Man Pop-Up, published by Candlewick. In fact, the only two entries on the top 50 that feature Marvel's super-heroes are published by entities other than Marvel (The Marvel Encyclopedia comes from DK Publishers). I suspect that Marvel's new corporate overlords will have something to say about this state of affairs...

* Other debuts this wee are a Doonesbury collection, an older Complete Peanuts Box Set, and the 3rd volume of Dog Style, which appears to be a Yaoi title.