Pied Piper, Paid Paper

Bizarro is brought to you today by Bizarro Tributes From Around the World.

The cartoon at left is what I originally wrote and wish I had published. But when I sat down to ink the idea, I decided for some lame reason that it would be better to have both the therapist and the patient sobbing because we're all up this creek without a paddle together (Paddles stolen by W, boat built by Haliburton, leaking profusely), so I drew and published the version below.

As soon as I saw it in print, however, I wished I had gone with my original instinct, which is a quieter, drier joke. Bummer.

As for the idea itself, I am a great admirer of BaRockStar Obama and think he is exactly the right person at the right time. (Although 8 years ago would have been an even better time.) One of the things I admire most about him is his courage under fire. The guy stays cool against unimaginable odds, when everyone else around him is pointing fingers and screaming like children. No matter how much petty political nonsense his opponents throw at him, he takes the high road and sticks to the issues. In the long run, I hope that the juvenile culture of Washington politics will grow up a bit and take a couple of steps toward his end of the spectrum. I don't expect it, I just hope.

Meanwhile, I thought it might be funny to depict him breaking down and sobbing under a couch in the privacy of a therapy session. I know I would.

Bizarro Tribute

It's always nice when other cartoon strips pay tribute to Bizarro. Thanks to John for pointing this out.

Impaired Humor

(You can click the picture and it will become un-small.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Shark Week.

From where I sit inside my own head, there is almost no article of clothing more unappealing than the track suit. What is even stranger than the thought of someone thinking they looked good in this kind of color-coordinated baggywear, is the connection, or lack thereof, of the primary groups who wear them.

The fashion track suit is mostly the domain of three distinct groups: the tacky suburban house frau, goombas like "Paulie" from The Sopranos, and hip-hop-happy urban blacks. How did these three groups become members of the same fashion trend?

I don't know when urban blacks began wearing these eyesores en masse, but my guess is that some iconic fadster like Sean "P. Duddy" Combs (Piff Daddy? Pap Doodly? P. Poopy?) decided he could manufacture a lot of them very cheaply in Asia, slapped his name on it, then wore one in public. Once the hoards saw him in one, they had to have one, too. A simple sheep/shepherd equation. Pup Dabby gets rich(er); millions look like walking laundry bags.

The habit among suburban soccer moms grew from a more utilitarian seed, I suspect . They're chasing their crotch fruit around 24/7 and have given up caring about the way they look. Their bodies aren't what they once were and these baggy rainbow parachutes hide that (sort of.) They need something that won't wrinkle when they pass out on the couch from gin and pain pills at the end of the day. It also doesn't hurt that these velour body bags have a built-in contraceptive effect–their husband has to be in a very bad way before he'll come on to woman dressed like Puff Dippy.

Jersey gangster types are perhaps the most puzzling. These are middle-aged, white, often Italian men who are not slaves to hip hop fashion by any means, and not worried about contraception or the shape of their bodies. They are, however, overweight and lacking even a shred of aesthetic aptitude. Perhaps that is where the secret lies. A man in this position is looking for clothing that will both adjust to his constantly morphing waistline and give him plenty of freedom of movement in his daily activities: threatening, extorting, wacking, eating sausage.

Regardless of the reasons, it is odd that one could accurately structure a Jeopardy! question thusly:
"Soccer moms, gangstas, and hit men."
"What are three groups that dress alike?"

In other news, I made another mistake that I would like to share with you. In the title panel for this cartoon, I looked up the sign language alphabet to spell out "Bizarro." Evidently, I looked at the wrong sign for "R" and used the one for "S" instead, a mistake brought to my attention by several readers, so my original title panel spelled out "Bizasso". The original and the corrected version (for future use) are below.

Shell Games

Bizarro is brought to you by Perfect Match Internet Dating Services.

I'm not crazy about this cartoon, I just thought it was kind of cute and amusing so I went with it. I didn't expect much out of it, writing a new gag every day for almost 25 years is daunting so you get used to the idea that not every one is going to be a classic.

But the day after this appeared in papers, I got a smattering of emails about it from various folks who really loved it and wanted to buy a print or use it in their newsletter or post it at their work site, things like that. Just goes to show you can never predict what will resonate.

And likewise, I'm sure there are just as many readers out there who didn't care for it, and are ready to take to the streets, criticizing me for losing my edge. You can't please everyone.

As diligently as I go over these cartoons in the penciling, inking, and coloring stage, I often still miss things. In this case, I only just this second spotted that I missed the black line work that goes with the ground shadow between the turtle's face and the blueprint.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Watchmen
2 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
3 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
5 (-). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
6 (+3). Watchmen (Absolute Edition)
7 (-1). Watchmen (hardcover)
8 (-). V for Vendetta
9 (+4). Batman: The Killing Joke
10 (+31). Star Trek: Countdown *
11 (+12). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1
12 (-2). All Star Superman, Vol. 2
13 (+6). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
14 (+34). From Hell
15 (-8). Batman: R.I.P.
16 (+1). Batman: Year One
17 (-6). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe
18 (-6). The Joker
19 (+5). The Starman Omnibus, Vol. 2
20 (+20). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 2
21 (N). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1972 *
22 (-7). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
23 (-9). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
24 (+6). Watching the Watchmen: The Definitive Companion to the Ultimate Graphic Novel
25 (-7). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
26 (-10). Naruto, Volume 38
27 (+18). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
28 (-7). Naruto, Volume 39
29 (N). Blueberry Girl *
30 (-10). Naruto, Volume 40
31 (+1). Vampire Knight, Vol. 6 *
32 (-5). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
33 (-5). Crown Of Horns (Bone)
34 (N). The Arrival
35 (-9). Naruto, Volume 41
36 (N). Ultimate Spider-Man, Vol. 21: War of the Symbiotes
37 (N). Bone: One Volume Edition
38 (N). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
39 (+11). The Adventures of Johnny Bunko (Kindle edition)
40 (N). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
41 (-4). Secret Invasion
42 (+2). The Hidden Temple (Star Wars: Legacy, Vol. 5) *
43 (N). What It Is
44 (-9). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
45 (N). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
46 (-13). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4) *
47 (N). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
48 (-19). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes (Calvin & Hobbes) (v. 1, 2, 3)
49 (N). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
50 (N). All Star Superman, Vol. 1


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* Watchmen continues its domination, with the trade paperback staying at #1 on the graphic novel charts and moving up to #2 on the overall Amazon bestsellers list. Also of note is that the more expensive Absolute Edition edged up past the regular hardcover.

* The Watchmen Halo Effect also continues, with many Alan Moore properties remaining high on the list, and the two volumes of LXG taking sizable leaps up the chart.

* Scott Pilgrim Watch: While the latest volume slips again, earlier volumes percolate back up onto the chart near the end.

* All Naruto volumes slip this week; there seem to be a core set of Naruto fans who buy the books when they first come out.

* A huge jump on the chart for Star Trek: Countdown, the prequel comic to the upcoming Trek reimagining. Ain't It Cool News has been touting it as important and good, and providing copious links to purchasing it on Amazon.

* The highest debut of the week belongs to the second hardcover compilation of James Robinson's Starman. Kind of surprising for a book which I would not have thought would have much mainstream appeal, but then the 37% discount is rather sizable on a $50 book. (I also see that this book has made the top of the New York Times' new hardcover Graphic Books Best Seller List.)

Master Disguise Kit

Bizarro is brought to you today by impractically large beaches.

I haven't been thrilled with all my cartoons from this particular week, but I really like this one. It isn't for everyone and won't end up on a best-selling T-shirt (come to think of it, none of my cartoons have ever been best-selling T-shirts) but it has that certain combo of dry surreal humor and social commentary that I find amusing.

If you don't live in a celebrity soaked environment like NY or LA, you may not know that virtually ALL celebrities who do not want to be noticed in public wear sunglasses and a ball cap. I'm not criticizing, just observing. For all I know there is a Screen Actors Guild bylaw about this that I am unaware of.

I suppose it makes sense in the context of our current fashion mores. If you want to cover the part of your body that most people will recognize, which for celebrities other than J-Lo is the face, you'll need either a brimmed hat or a veil. Veils attract a lot of attention, the opposite of what you're trying to do, and brimmed hats other than ball caps are not common enough in our society to go unnoticed.

Sunglasses hide the eyes, so that's an obvious choice.

I do wonder why more celebs don't opt for a false mustache, however. That can really change your look and, if it is obviously a fake, makes other people uncomfortable and less likely to stare. Wax lips do the same thing. People would either think, that person is wearing wax lips, eek, look away, or that poor person has shiny, plastic-looking deformed lips, I shouldn't stare. This option would work for just about any celebrity other than Angelina Jolie.

Nose glasses are a classic disguise but people now associate those with humor so you'd likely get one of those overly-friendly goobers on a chartered casino trip start kidding around with you. Then your cover is blown and you have to listen to their yammering about how much they enjoyed Tony Orlando in Branson last month. I get this from time to time from people who just think I'm wearing nose glasses. Welcome to my hell.

Shameless Friend Promotion: JimO Interview at The Pulse

Pal Jim Ottaviani has once again been interviewed about his forthcoming book T-Minus: The Race to the Moon, this time by Jen Cantino over at The Pulse: "Ottaviani's Race to the Moon."