Superman Science

Bizarro is brought to you today by Baby Man.

I always liked Superman's ability to turn back time by zipping around the earth real fast and reversing its rotation. It doesn't have the least bit of science behind it, but it's a cool trick.

The problem is, once that possibility has been introduced, it begs the question why he just doesn't do it all time and stop tragedies from happening in the first place? School bus heading over a cliff? Why catch it and put all those kids' families through unnecessary anxiety and lawsuits? Just turn time back a couple hours and report that drunken driver to the principal before the bus leaves campus.

And crime wouldn't be the only time this skill was useful. You could use it after your girlfriend breaks up with you or you get fired from your job. Turn the clock back one day, leave town, find a new job and a new girlfriend. Then return to town, break up with your girlfriend because you've found someone new and quit your job. Who's crying now, sucker?

Librarian Bait

Bizarro is brought to you today by Mixed Messages.

This cartoon is not funny per se, it is more poignant than anything. I think the average reader gets the meaning in a glance and says, "True. Who needs the library now that we have the Internet?" Or, if you're W, you might say, "Hah. They left the 'S' off of 'Internets and added an extra 'R' to 'libary.'"

Thinking further, you might realize that the cartoon doesn't actually make any sense. If a library were put out of business by the Internet, it would be a library museum, not an Internet museum. But that sign would confuse readers and not get the idea across. I think this may be the only time in my 25 year career that I've come across this kind of phenomenon.

In spite of this flaw in logic, a number of people who deal with libraries in various capacities have contacted me wanting to use this image for everything from fund raising to entertaining their local library's troops.

This drawing was a pain to execute, the strip version was even worse. Since I worked so hard on it, I've posted it here to get a little more mileage. Thank goodness for the Internet, I was able to find a wide variety of reference photos of the New York Public Library in a matter of seconds.

Click the image for a clearer view.

Shrink Me Please

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hairy Children.

Psychiatry is likely one of the top 10 most common gag cartoon topics. I've always liked them and have done who-knows-how-many dozens, maybe hundreds. I have always liked them, even before I ever visited a therapist.

I've never gone to a psychiatrist, but I've seen a few psychologists and other kinds of counselors and I really enjoy it. I only go when I'm in crisis mode or trying to figure out the solution to a specific problem like a romantic relationship issue, whether I should quit my day job and go for a movie career, what the furniture in my studio is trying to tell me when it screams incomprehensibly, etc.

I have an appointment later today, in fact, and am really looking forward to it. We (my therapist and I) are on the verge of a major breakthrough in the area of irrational outbursts of anger. Once we get past that, we may be able to get to my problems. (rim shot) Wish me luck!

I like my current therapist because he offers a lot of feedback and suggestions. I've had the kind that don't say anything, just lead me through my thoughts with questions that are meant to enable me to solve my own problems. That sort is little more than a really expensive bartender without liquor.

Kartoon Kwiz

Bizarro is today you brought by to Word Order.


Since so many people ask me questions about the details in my drawings, I thought it might be fun to have a quiz about today's cartoon. Answers are at the bottom of this post. Good luck!!

1. What type of dog is featured in the cartoon?

2. In what city does the cartoon take place? (hint)

3. How do you draw an alien?

4. Is the human in the cartoon meant to be actor Tony Roberts?

5. What vintage is the wine the aliens are drinking?

6. If a train leaves Chicago at noon traveling east at 200 mph, leaves the track in Cincinnatti and plows through this park, hitting the man, his dog, the two aliens and their spaceship, what time does it arrive in Seattle?

7. Why are women so damned complicated?

ANSWERS:
1. A cartoon dog 2. Indianapolis 3.Make light pencil lines on paper in the shape of an alien, then trace over them in ink. 4. No. Sadly, most people don't remember Tony Roberts. 5. The aliens' ability to transcend space and time make it impossible to say. 6. Never, Seattle is west of Chicago. 7. You tell me, I give up.

Score yourself:
7 correct answers – Congratulations! You could be a professional cartoonist!
5-6 correct – Not a genius, but you play one on TV.
3–4 correct – Your medication needs adjusting.
1–2 correct – Sorry, you won't be on my "phone a friend" list.
0 correct – Turn off your computer, leave the room quietly, and never speak of this.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Konga is torn between revenge... and love! on Dick Giordano's cover for Konga #13 (1963).

(Standard train-attacking giant gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Video Thing

I like this video shot in NYC. Thought you might, too.

The Lost Tribes of New York City from Carolyn London on Vimeo.

World Wrestling

(You: Is there a way to make this image larger? It is kind of blurry.
Me: Click on it.)

Bizarro is made possible by a grant from The Flying Fat Man Foundation.

The common perception of Atlas holding up the earth is inaccurate–according to Greek myth, Atlas was made to bear the weight of the heavens, not Earth as punishment for wrecking Zeus's car. The heavens were commonly illustrated as a celestial sphere, which is commonly misconstrued as the earth. Yes, this will be on the test.

Still, cartoons are based on common knowledge and cliches, so in drawing a cartoon about Atlas holding up the earth, you're faced with how to draw what Atlas is standing on. Here, I chose to make it a nebulous region of space. The whole concept of the Earth needing to be held up so it doesn't fall is flawed, of course. This first occurred to me when I was a child–where would the Earth fall to? And what would Atlas be standing on?

From an early age I was always trying to make sense of myths and religion (one man's myth is another man's religion and vice versa). As a kid in Catholic school I often asked questions like George Carlin's famous example: If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big that even He can't lift it?

Associating two costumed characters of legendary strength, here I have a luchador holding up the earth for Atlas while he runs and errand. In Greek myth, it was Heracles (Hercules) who took a shift. I like the absurdity of lucha libre costumes and use luchadores in my fine art fairly frequently, too.

Below is a cartoon I did back in the day that addresses the issue of Atlas's position under the Earth. It's one of my favorites from my early career. You may notice that the coloring is much different and a bit primitive. It was done before cartoonists were doing their own coloring on computer, so we had to designate on tracing paper where what colors went, then send them to a company to create film for the color separations. I always just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. This one didn't turn out too badly, but it looks much different than it would today.

All these years later, I still think this is a pretty good gag. As usual, click the image for a clearer view. Of course, this image presents its own logic difficulties: What keeps Atlas's skirt from falling down? (up)