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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Talent Portion of Our Competition.

What's funnier than caveman violence? A lot of things, but today's cartoon is about caveman violence anyway.

I guess this joke comes from the recent economic catastrophe, known in some corners as The Bush Legacy, and while there is nothing funny about so many people being out of work, maybe a recently laid off employee might look at this cartoon and say to him or herself, "well, at least I didn't get clubbed or speared." Or perhaps even, "At least I don't have to go around in a one-shoulder dead animal skin and get an uneven tan. At least not yet, anyway."

Keep in mind that during the Great Depression, things were even worse than this and FDR brought us out of it with government spending, which Republicans (who pushed us into that one, too) decried as insanity. Those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it and here we are again. But things are beginning to turn around. Let's keep our fingers crossed for a quick recovery. It took 8 years to bury the country this deep, it's going to take more than a few months to dig it out.

P.S. I think I used that photo that is beneath the "Talent Portion" link above before, but it's so great, I decided to use it again.

Until tomorrow, smile with every lip on your face...

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

A chimpanzee has an Ace up his, um, sleeve? on John Bolton's cover to Proposition Player #5 (200).

(Standard disclaimer about poker-playing chimps not really being monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Attached

(For a swollen version of this cartoon, click the question mark in panel three!)

Bizarro is today brought to you by Guinea Pig Farts.

This idea came from my good friend, Cliff Harris, who is a wordsmith extraordinaire. He plays with words in unusual ways, writes word puzzles, writes stories in puzzle form, and just generally defies the laws of language in ways that make me wonder if he was dropped on his head as a baby. This cartoon isn't really an example of those skills, but I'm going to publish a Sunday cartoon in the next couple of months that features three examples of one of his odd puzzle motifs. I'll call it "Bizarro Sunday Puzzler," or something like that. It will be fun.

Meanwhile, if you're out in Williamsburg or Greenpoint, Brooklyn today, motorbike and I will be at a vintage motorcycle show called Brand X. Find me and say hello, and I'll give you a free pack of Bizarro Trading Cards!
What?!
Yes!

Your smile feeds my aching soul...

Phonetic Vision of the Future

Bizarro is brought to you today by Stiff People.

Like most modern people in industrialized nations, I wear glasses and take the eyesight they afford me for granted. I didn't need them until I was 38 and my ophthalmologist told me that almost no one makes it past 40 without needing glasses. Apparently, that's just how long human eyes typically last before warping.

Up until relatively recently, however, glasses were not available to most people. So, the vast majority of our ancestors who lived beyond 40, lost their ability to read or do tiny detailed work and walked around in a blurry, ill-defined world. What a fuzzy drag.

I, for instance, occasionally lose the microscopic screw that holds the arm of my glasses to the frame and have to replace it. I can't wear my glasses while doing this, of course, and it is nearly impossible to line up the holes, get the screw in and tighten it without being able to see it clearly. And though I don't need my glasses for driving or getting around the house, I cannot read or draw without them, so if I did not have access to them, my career (and also my favorite pastimes) would be down the toilet.

Part of the story is that most people didn't live much beyond 40 until recently, and, once dead, weren't using their eyes anyway. But those who did live longer were just out of luck. Michelangelo, for instance, lived to be in his 90s and one can track the deterioration of his eyesight through his work. He did this in his twenties, and this in his eighties.

If humans last on this planet, and that's a formidable "if," I wonder what sort of current hardships that we take for granted will amaze our descendants.

Blog of the future: "Up until relatively recently, if people wanted to reproduce, they actually had to squeeze babies out of their bodies. I, for instance, don't have a uterus or vagina, so I would have had to find a woman who was willing to..."

Who knows?

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days *
2 (+1). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
3 (+8). Fables Vol. 12: The Dark Ages
4 (-2). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
5 (-1). Watchmen
6 (+1). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
7 (-2). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
8 (-2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
9 (-). The Complete Persepolis
10 (-2). Asterios Polyp
11 (+1). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
12 (+2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
13 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
14 (+4). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
15 (-5). Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? Deluxe Edition
16 (-5). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
17 (-1). Parker: The Hunter
18 (-1). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
19 (+14). American Born Chinese
20 (+16). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set *
21 (+7). V for Vendetta
22 (+17). Fun Home
23 (+9). The Complete Maus: A Survivor's Tale
24 (-5). Batman: The Killing Joke
25 (+4). Batman: Year One
26 (-). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
27 (+18). The Complete Peanuts, 1973-1974 *
28 (+12). Green Lantern: Rebirth
29 (-4). Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 2
30 (R). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
31 (+12). The Boys, Vol. 4
32 (N). New Avengers Vol. 11: Search for the Sorcerer Supreme *
33 (-10). Angel: After the Fall, Vol. 4
34 (+8). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
35 (+13). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
36 (-12). Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 1
37 (-2). Mouse Guard Volume 2: Winter 1152
38 (N). Dark Avengers Assemble (Dark Avengers, Vol. 1) *
39 (R). Lost Girls Hardcover Edition
40 (-13). Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451: The Authorized Adaptation
41 (R). The Arrival
42 (-12). Green Lantern: Rage of the Red Lanterns
43 (R). The Joker
44 (N). Making Comics: Storytelling Secrets of Comics, Manga and Graphic Novels
45 (R). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
46 (N). Invincible, Book 11: Happy Days *
47 (R). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
48 (-2). Bone: One Volume Edition
49 (R). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1

Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* The new Fables volume jumps up into the top five, while the new Walking Dead volume remains up there as well. Both have recently been picked up as potential tv series; perhaps a bunch of actors looking to get a leg up on the properties prior to casting calls? Of course, both comics have well-established track records as comics that appeal to the non-Wednesday crowd and that many people prefer to read in collections, which make them prime candidates for strong Amazon sellers.

* Mercy Thompson Homecoming inches ever so closer to the top of the list as it nears its release date next week. It's been creeping up the list for quite some time now, indicating that there will be a good number of copies going out next week to Amazon customers. (Maybe the publisher will make enough money to pay their freelancer payment backlog?)

* The University Effect continues, with Maus, Persepolis, Watchmen, & Understanding Comics all remaining in the top ten or rising up towards it.

* Two of the three new titles this week are pre-orders of Avengers hardcovers from Marvel, showing that a few Marvel fans are willing to wait a few extra weeks in order to get the sizable Amazon discount. The only other new item is the latest volume of Invincible, also in pre-order; if Image/Kirkman can successfully wage a 'from the creator of The Walking Dead' campaign, maybe it will see greater success in the coming weeks?

Happy Shiny Children

Bizarro is brought to you today by Well-Adjusted Kids.

This is one of those rare cartoons that is wrought from my own experience. When my eldest daughter was a kid, she was vacillating between wanting to be a writer and a musician, and wondered how she would ever be any good at either if her childhood continued to be happy.

A few years later, her mother and I solved that problem by getting divorced. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my children.

Speaking of screwed-up children, how are beauty pageants for children still legal? These things are clearly factories for mental illness and pedophilia. I can't help thinking that one day Americans will look back at pictures of these freak shows with the same disbelief and revulsion that most of us now do when we see an old photo of a public lynching.

I'm not criticizing the children involved in these events, of course, they are merely the monsters their frankensteinian mothers are experimenting on. In my humble opinion as the father of two daughters, this is as close to a beauty pageant as a kid should get.

Until next time, you are my lucky star...

Onion Does PETA

If you haven't seen any of The Onion's news spoofs, you must. Many are brilliant. Here's one that satirizes a public demonstration technique that my own CHNW has been a part of.Afew of the women in the actual PETA protest footage they use are acquaintances or friends of ours.


Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women