Pockets

(click the cartoon above for a bigger Koala)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tiger Urine.

As I've mentioned many times before and you're sick to death of hearing, I'm publishing a book of Bizarro super hero cartoons next spring. The thing is that even though I've been doing super hero spoofs (what a great word "spoof" is) fairly regularly for 25 years, there still weren't quite enough to fill a book, so I've been writing lots of super hero gags in the past couple/three months to fill out the quota. Some of my friends and collaborators have been good enough to send me their super hero ideas, too. Thanks for all the help.

I like the idiocy of a super hero who carries a fanny pack in case there might be something in it that can help in a crisis, and I really like the perspective I drew this from. The windows in the pink building get pretty wonky toward the top, they're not really in correct perspective at that point, but I drew this out of my head without reference, rulers or straightedges of any kind, so I'm giving my self a break. Maybe I'll fix it for the book. Yes, I'm just that anal.

MID 1900S

I came across this video from 1954 and really dug it, daddio. SO much better than the crap that's on TV now! (shouted the crotchety old man from his lawn chair on the back porch)

Friday Night Fights: Captain America vs. Baron Zemo

From Avengers #6 (1964). Art by Jack Kirby & Chic Stone. Story by Stan Lee. Letters by Sam Rosen. Color reconstruction by Tom Ziuko (from Avengers Classic #6 - 2008).

The American Way? It's Free-for-All!

Death Disease Advertising

Bizarro is brought to you today by Waxy Heston.

Just for the sake of doing something different, today I'll start out with an old cartoon from the Bizarro archives, and then move on to the more recent cartoons. If you're uncomfortable with this change and would like to reverse this order, click here.

Here is a cartoon from 1996, only a few months after my first wife and I suddenly split up as a result of a dispute over the 7th commandment. I'm not a big fan of most of the commandments but this is one that remains one of my general rules in life for both myself and my partner. I guess I'm just an old-fashioned boy from Tulsa.

During this time I was very upset as a rule, and at times I was downright suicidal. The normally painful act of scraping a new cartoon out of the folds of my brain each day was exceptionally excruciating during this period, when all I really wanted to do was fantasize about double homicide. But my regular habits of eating daily and living indoors depended on it, so I soldiered on. This cartoon is an excellent example of how one can turn one's darker thoughts into comedy fit for public consumption.

In contrast, these days I'm pretty happy so my jokes are not mostly about death. Here's one, for example, that is about disease. The spelling error idea was sent to me by a reader and this is how I used it. A close friend of mine recently got a random staph infection in his eye and nearly lost it. No kidding, you shouldn't play around with that stuff. Eyes are handy, especially in pairs. He's better now, thanks.

This last idea I got while watching Mad Men, one of my favorite television programs. I think of myself as a sort of Don Draper type, except I'm not living under an assumed identity, I'm not in advertising, and I'm not suave and irresistible to women. Other than that, though...

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this morning. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5: The Ugly Truth *
2 (+5). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
3 (+2). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
4 (-2). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
5 (+1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
6 (-3). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together
7 (-3). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
8 (+15). Superman: Earth One *
9 (-1). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 7: Twilight
10 (+3). The Walking Dead, Book 6 *
11 (+1). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
12 (+36). X'ed Out
13 (-4). Odd Is on Our Side
14 (-4). Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale *
15 (-1). Parker: The Outfit
16 (-). Big Nate: From the Top *
17 (-2). Diary of a Wimpy Kid Box of Books
18 (+6). Witch & Wizard: Battle for Shadowland
19 (+1). X-Men: Second Coming
20 (-2). Walking Dead Volume 12
21 (+11). Dork Diaries 2: Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl
22 (-5). Walking Dead Volume 13 *
23 (+3). The Adventures of Ook and Gluk, Kung-Fu Cavemen from the Future
24 (N). 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective *
25 (N). The Adventures of Unemployed Man
26 (+7). Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life
27 (R). Dilbert: 2011 Day-to-Day Calendar
28 (+7). Batman: The Killing Joke
29 (-2). Bloom County: The Complete Library Volume 3 *
30 (-9). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
31 (+13). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
32 (-21). Lynd Ward: Six Novels in Woodcuts
33 (R). Blacksad
34 (N). Y The Last Man Deluxe Edition Book Four
35 (+4). The Complete Peanuts Boxed Set 1975-1978 (Vol. 13-14)
36 (-8). The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear The Hunters
37 (-15). Kick-Ass
38 (-1). Watchmen
39 (N). Batman: Life After Death
40 (R). Blackest Night
41 (+4). The Walking Dead Book 5
42 (-6). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
43 (-). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
44 (-2). Four Color Fear: Forgotten Horror Comics of the 1950s *
45 (-26). American Vampire Vol. 1
46 (+4). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb
47 (N). DC Comics Year by Year: A Visual Chronicle
48 (R). The Walking Dead, Book 3
49 (-20). The Cloud Searchers (Amulet)


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* The soon-to-be-released Wimpy Kid volume slips to #3 on the overall list this week, pushed down by the new Keith Richards autobiography. Dog Days, the previous Wimpy Kid volume, hops up ahead of Scott Pilgrim to #2 on the comics list (and #141 overall). That's mainly due to the waning interest in Scott Pilgrim, which despite the bargain prices on Amazon continue a steady decline on the overall list.

* JMS's Superman: Earth One hits stores next week and pops up into the top ten on Amazon. Also jumping up the list is Charles Burns' X'ed Out to #12. Falling precipitously this week are Lynd Ward, American Vampire, and The Cloud Searchers (#49 on the comics list and #2,527 overall).

* Debuting this week are 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective, The Adventures of Unemployed Man, Y The Last Man Deluxe Edition Book Four, Batman: Life After Death, and DC Comics Year by Year.

Betty #188

Betty #188
Nov 2010 | 36 pages | CBR | 20.5 MB
Download MIRROR #1

Download MIRROR #2

Samson Drugs Teabagger

Bizarro is brought to you today by Elections.

We've all had a good time the last few days discussing our various beliefs about science, diet and cancer, but now it's time to get down to something serious: comedy.

What could be more blissful and relaxing than living in a pharmaceutical ad? You feel no anxiety, you don't have to pee, you can get an erection any time the mood strikes and you can eat like a pig without worrying about your cholesterol. Of course, there are encyclopedias of terrifying side effects to consider, but those are only represented in the dulcet tones of the voice over. Nothing bad ever happens in a pharmaceutical ad. Count me in!

Less euphoric is the world of luggage transportation. Even with the unbelievably recent addition of wheels (we've had luggage and the wheel for tens of thousands of years and it was the late 20th century before anyone thought to combine them!) one still has to schlep one's luggage up and down stairs, into cars, over curbs, onto the scales at the airport, etc. If I'm traveling with the full 49.9 lbs suitcase, I always return with a backache. One would think the legendary strongman, Samson, would be immune to such human weakness, but along comes Samsonite.

Speaking of catastrophe, I'm trying hard not to worry about the elections in a couple of weeks. I know that Americans will just hand the country back over to the party that took eight years to ruin it because the current party couldn't fix it in two years. It's a done deal. So I'm telling myself ahead of time that it's already happened, things will get worse, humans are a deeply flawed species, someday I'll die and none of it will matter.

Maybe I'll be surprised and American voters in sufficient numbers will just say no to Fox News, but I think that's unlikely so we might as well have some fun with it and elect a Mr. T impersonator or a masturbation-opposing witch. As long as you're destined to listen to morons on the news for x number of years, you might as well go for the craziest ones possible. That's entertainment!

Another comedy post tomorrow, I hope to see your eyes peering through the computer screen again then, except for those of you who are big fans of Fox News and swear me off for good.