Tsar Stars

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tsars.

I've been away from the blog for a few days, I hope you missed me. I missed you in a way that can only be described as "sort of, in an abstract way."

The reason I've been missing this week was because my good friend and colleague, Wayno, was visiting from his hometown of Chugfuggit, Tennessee. We worked together, ate together, drank together, showered together (but in different bathrooms) for three days and right about now he's back in his cabin in the hills and his wife is trying to get the cigar smell out of his clothing. Hahaha. Good luck, Tiffany Chrystal.

I think most people these days spell the word, "czar," but "tsar" is perfectly acceptable and maybe older. I don't really know, but it worked better for this gag because it is a rearrangement of the word "star". I like a reality show where the losers are killed onstage. That's how I roll.

The "seeing-eye man" is a fun gag about a blind dog. Some dogs are actually blind, I used to have one myself, so I'm surprised I didn't get some hate mail from readers who found it insensitive. I have gotten a fair amount of hate mail in the past few days over a couple of other comics, which I will be sharing with you in a post in the very near future.

I got no hate mail about this last cartoon, either. I guess nobody feels sorry for museum busts, like this one of Michael Jackson. That, in itself, makes me feel sorry for them and now I'm sorry I ever did this cartoon. My sincere apologies to any and all busts who read Bizarro. I have betrayed you and I regret it. Please excuse my poor judgment, it won't happen again.

More tomorrow. We've been dumped on by a few thousand tons of snow here in Brooklyn, again. Bizarro International Headquarters is still digging its way out.

To find many fine products with these cartoons on them, just click the cartoon!

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Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.


1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5: The Ugly Truth
2 (+5). Odd Is on Our Side (Kindle edition)
3 (-). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
4 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
5 (-3). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
6 (-). Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Boxset
7 (+8). Dork Diaries 2 (Kindle edition)
8 (+1). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
9 (+1). Dork Diaries (Kindle edition)
10 (+10). Diary of a Wimpy Kid Box of Books
11 (+1). Walking Dead Volume 13
12 (-4). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
13 (+1). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
14 (-9). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
15 (+2). Big Nate: From the Top
16 (+10). Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
17 (+1). V for Vendetta
18 (+23). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
19 (+10). Walking Dead Volume 12
20 (+23). The Walking Dead, Vol. 10: What We Become
21 (+12). Fables Vol. 14: Witches
22 (N). Black Butler, Vol. 4
23 (+19). Superman: Earth One
24 (+8). Dork Diaries 2: Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl
25 (+15). The Walking Dead Volume 11: Fear The Hunters
26 (-3). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 1: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life
27 (-16). Watchmen
28 (+17). Dark Tower: The Gunslinger, Vol. 1 - The Journey Begins
29 (N). Avengers, Vol. 1
30 (-9). Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale
31 (+15). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 7: Twilight
32 (R). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 3: Scott Pilgrim & the Infinite Sadness
33 (N). Naruto, Vol. 50
34 (+5). The Walking Dead, Vol. 9: Here We Remain
35 (-16). Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight Volume 8: Last Gleaming *
36 (-12). Scott Pilgrim Volume 6: Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
37 (-24). American Born Chinese
38 (-11). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
39 (-9). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together
40 (-6). The Walking Dead, Book 6
41 (-5). Batman: Year One
42 (-26). 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective
43 (N). Fullmetal Alchemist, Vol. 24
44 (N). Highschool of the Dead, Vol. 1
45 (-23). Scott Pilgrim Volume 5: Scott Pilgrim vs The Universe
46 (R). The Walking Dead, Book 5
47 (-22). Batman: The Killing Joke
48 (+1). Blackest Night
49 (+1). Scott Pilgrim, Vol. 2: Scott Pilgrim Versus The World
50 (R). Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.

N = New listing appearing on list for first time
R = Item returning to the list after having been off for 1 or more weeks


Commentary:

* The Wimpy Kid stays on the top once again, and slips a bit more to #67 on the overall chart.

* Odd is on Our Side (Kindle Edition) moves up to #2 on the chart and is the #661 Paid book in the Kindle Store (the print edition of Odd is gone from the chart all together).

* A couple of the college books stay strong (Maus, Persepolis) while others slip, signaling the end of the start of the term.

* The story for Scott Pilgrim remains the same as last week: The box set remains strong, while individual volumes continue to be (relatively) weak, all in the bottom half of the chart.

* Three manga titles debut this week: the latest Black Butler and Naruto; and the first Highschool of the Dead volume. It's pretty rare for a first volume of a manga series to chart.

* The bottom of the top 50 chart is a relatively healthy #2,674 overall.

Blissfully Unaware...

In the last poll, you thought Nut and Poo will...

escape! (58%)
be enslaved (16%)
be saved (16%)
be separated (16%)

Good to see you want Poo to regain freedom... but is it in the cards?

Spider Person

Bizarro is brought to you today by Heavy Traffic.

I've never held a tarantula, but I used to see them in the wild every now and then when I lived in Oklahoma and Texas. The first time I ever saw one was in 1963 when my dad came home from the golf course with one in a paper bag. He and his golfing buddies had seen it on the course and coaxed it into a small paper bag, like the kind they give you when you buy a pack of gum. (Dad had no idea at the time that they could jump many feet into the air.) He brought it home, called the kids out into the front yard and let it go. My sisters screamed, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world and wanted to keep it. Apparently we were a typical American family right off of a sit-com from the period, except that we didn't have a black maid. No idea what happened to the tarantula after that, my memory isn't what it used to be. (cough, cough, wheeze, creak)

I'm not all that happy with the bulldog-man's line here but it was the best I could come up with when I drew it. Now I think, "What's your tarantula's name?" would have been funnier.

Here's a guy who only wants to be awakened for food, thus assuring him a long nap. They don't serve food on airplanes anymore, unless the flight is overseas (and even then you may not be willing to call what they serve "food") or if you're up front in Snooty Class. I'd like to suggest that right now, all of us who are relegated to flying coach send out very bad vibes to everyone who flies First Class. Just take a moment to close your eyes and hate them and wish them ill fortune. It won't bother them in the least and they'll never even know we did it, but it might make us feel better.

I admit that there have been a ton of eye doctor jokes with funny messages in the eye chart. I've done a few myself. But something about this one made me feel it was different enough to warrant dusting off the motif again so here it is. All he wants is a laugh. Let's give him one now, shall we? Just throw your head back and laugh like a psychotic sausage vendor.

Now, don't you feel better?

By the way, to buy these cartoons on products, just click the cartoon!!!

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Electric Jesus

For a larger view, click the image.

I had a special request from a beloved reader for this cartoon, so here it is. It's never been published in the U.S. but appeared in some Scandinavian magazines with Bizarro a few years back. Some people find it crass, but it is merely an observation. If Jesus of Nazareth had died in an electric chair, millions of you readers would be wearing tiny gold chair earrings right now.

Hope you enjoy, another post and more cartoons to come later today.

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Punny

(To see this cartoon in all its large, detailed glory, click the caveman's over-hanging brow.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Reader Appreciation.

Here is number 12 in my occasional series of "Sunday Punnies." If you missed the first 11, click here.

The deal is that readers send me their puns and I use some of them for these kinds of cartoons. If you've got a pun that you think might be good, post it in the comments section of this blog or email it to me. My email address can be found on Bizarro.com. Please don't abuse it, its feelings get hurt rather easily.

Rules and notable things:
1. You get no compensation other than the delirious thrill of seeing your idea in the funnies.
2. Tell me what name you want me to sign it with if I pick your pun.
3. It has to be original. Don't be sending me no dang thang you heard at the beauty parlor or on the Interwebs.
4. I will not post the puns that people leave in the comments section, so don't expect to see them listed there and don't be afraid to leave me your name or email or whatever. I'm good at keeping secrets.
5. If you are Joe Flacco, don't bother leaving a pun, I won't use it. You and your Baltimore Ravens knocked the Kansas City Chiefs out of the playoffs and upset my dad.

That's about it. Any time you have a couple minutes to spare and want to LOL outloud, I hope you'll drop by this blog. I post 3 or 4 times a week and feature new cartoons, old ones, odd videos, funny pictures of me and my clan, and peculiar musings from the inner recesses of my brain goo. Thanks for stopping by.

To see some of the past Sunday Punnies, click here. For real this time.

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Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Casper gives King Kong a fright on the cover of The Friendly Ghost, Casper #129 (1992).

(Standard disclaimer about witch-grabbing giant gorillas not really being monkeys applies.)

Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.