Bizarro is brought to you today by Fortune 500 Cookie Company.
Seems like fortune cookies used to actually have fortunes inside them, but now they all seem to have bits of useless wisdom instead.
"A good friend is a good neighbor."
"There is no more beneficial exercise than smiling."
"A screaming child is the most powerful form of birth control."
Yeah, I know all that stuff –I don't need a cookie to tell me. I want useful information from my desert. Like if my taxes are going to get audited or whether I should change my flight because the plane is going to crash. What has happened to the prophetic powers of pastry in this country?
One confession: As a small child, I ate fortune cookies for several years before my parents noticed I wasn't taking the fortune out first. If I ever get a terminal illness, I'm going to blame it on the ink and sue China.
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