Pale Backs

Today's Bizarro cartoon is dedicated to the patriotic men and women of the American Northern Border Patrol. "If it looks like a Canuck and walks like a Canuck, we shoot at it."

Before any literal-minded readers' wigs start smoking, let me say I do NOT advocate shooting Canadians. Unless they are trying to sneak over the border, then they are fair game.

As the army of misinformation drones on Fox News tell us daily, illegal immigration is the biggest problem our country faces. They are behind the high price of gas, the sinking dollar, our faltering infrastructure, and the war in Iraq. It's not US, it's THEM. Any fool can see that.

But wait, the border between Canada and the U.S. is the longest unguarded border in the world. No fence, no barricades, no machine guns or howitzers pointed at Toronto. What gives?

That is a rhetorical question, of course. The last thing I want is for the U.S. to shut off the flow of illegal immigrants from Canada. My housekeeper and yard people are illegal Canadians, they work for peanuts and I don't have to pay their social security. Also, Canadian food is my absolute favorite. What would I do without my weekly moose tacos and Montreal Margarita? I contend that Canadians are hard working and gladly filling jobs that Americans feel are beneath them. So what if they talk funny? Who cares if they smell like maple syrup and think hockey is more important than football? I fail to see how they are eroding the fabric of our nation.

It's amazing what a little pale skin can do to alleviate a national security threat.