Beauty Pageant

Today's Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by the contents of this guy's purse.

Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, truer words were never spoken. Some find beauty in hot dudes in the desert, others in contact lenses for sports fanatics. I find beauty in hot babes on vintage scooters, for instance.

I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I am so enamored with physical beauty. It is virtually impossible for me to have a romantic relationship with a woman that I don't find physically beautiful. I know that beauty is no substitute for personality, charm, intelligence, humor, compassion, creativity, gymnastics skills, etc., and so I must have those things, too, in order to consider an intimate relationship. It cuts the field of candidates down quite a bit, I can tell you.

But now, in my declining years, I have come to understand that it is simply the way I am wired. A person has no more control over their sexual proclivities than the colors they find attractive or fragrances they enjoy. For instance, the most beautiful, charming, intelligent, creative, compassionate, educated woman in the world could walk up to me stark naked and ask me to take her home, and if she smelled like a full litter box, I would turn her down. I'm one of those people who does not like the smell of a litter box, and I have to accept that in myself.

I am, however, completely perplexed by some couples I see. I wonder how does "he" find "her" attractive, or vice versa. It's all in the eye of the beholder. And it is good to remember that somewhere out there are people wondering how the woman I'm with finds me attractive or vice versa.

Well, probably not vice versa very often. I'm no George Clooney.