Oral Bullets

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This cartoon was in part inspired by a joke I heard a stand-up comic tell when I was a kid, way back in the late 1900s. It might have been the legendary Robert Klein, but I can't swear to it.

The comedian describes seeing a man catch a bullet in his teeth in a stage act and wonders how you learn to do such a thing. "All right, I'm going to toss you the bullet a couple of times, and you catch it in your teeth." He pantomimes an underhand lob. "Very good, now this one is for real," as he pantomimes loading the bullet into a pistol.

I've always loved that gag and it crossed my mind again when I was doing this beginner's golf lesson. I enjoyed caddying for my dad when I was a kid, but have never played golf myself. I'm sure it's fun, I like games and sports, but I'm so busy that I've always thought that the last thing I need in my life is a five-hour hobby. Maybe when I'm retired.

Speaking of "games and sports," I'd like to say that not all games are sports and vice versa. Football is a game and a sport. Marathon running is a sport but not a game. Checkers is a game but not a sport.

I mention this as a way of telling ESPN to STOP PUTTING POKER ON TV. Poker is not a sport and does not belong on a sports channel. If I want to watch people play cards, I'll go to a nursing home.