Rhyming Toast

Bizarro is brought to you today by Greeting Card Hell.

Many years ago, I gave up obligatory holidays and their mandatory cards and gift giving. I haven't given a Xmas or birthday gift nor sent a greeting card since the early 90s sometime. I still occasionally give people gifts or cards when I feel like it, I'm not a cold-hearted bastard, I just resented the social pressure to conform to a scheme designed by department stores and card companies and opted out.

It was fairly simple, really: I told my friends and family that I would no longer be giving gifts or cards for any advertised occasion and that I didn't expect to receive gifts or cards, either. If they still wanted to give me something, I would accept it and be appreciative, of course. I wasn't trying to be mean or stubborn, I just didn't want to play along with Macy's and Hallmark anymore. Many understood, some thought I was being a creep, some probably pretended to understand and called me a creep behind my back.

But the subsequent freedom has been wonderful and I have never regretted the decision. I no longer have to worry what to get people, rush around town looking for something I'm not sure they'll like anyway, pretend to be excited about a gift that I do not wish to own, or end up with a yard sale's worth of gewgaws to dispose of every spring. I'm sure the gifts I was giving others were just as likely to find their way to the sidewalk, so I've saved many other folks the same pointless worry and expense.

My mother-in-law is the only person who still gives me gifts regularly. Happily, she has terrific taste and gives me cool and unusual things that I really like. My wife didn't become the unusual person she is entirely by accident, of course.