Gladness

This special Prodigal Son Edition of Bizarro is brought to you by Omnipotent Shipping.

Just got back late last night from the family reunion/wedding in my home state of Oklahoma. It was a harrowing adventure fraught with missed connections, misdirected luggage, airline incompetence, an auto accident, and a roach motel in Memphis whose airport shuttle driver is a former NYC pimp. The family events were even scarier. More about that in the days to come, after I catch up on a deadline or two.

For now, here is a tasty little morsel of cartooning that I hope you enjoy. This isn't one of my preachy environmental cartoons, it's just an amusing visual about what what will happen to all those tiny islands we cartoonists draw in those stranded-on-a-desert-island cartoons we are so fond of, if indeed the sea level rises.

This is a scientifically researched and accurate representation of such a scenario; tiny islands would disappear beneath the surface of the sea. Trees would pierce the surface in many instances, appearing to float. Caption balloons, being attached to their orator by the laws of graphics, would be at least partially obscured.

Climate Change will be as devastating to humor as it will be to flora and fauna.

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Bigby Wolf has been turned into a chimpanzee on Brian Bolland's cover to Jack of Fables #34 (2009).

(Standard disclaimer about how wolves who have been turned into chimps aren't really monkeys applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.

1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
2 (+1). Watchmen
3 (+1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
4 (-2). Final Crisis
5 (+1). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
6 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
7 (+2). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
8 (+13). Maximum Ride, Vol. 1 Manga (kindle)
9 (+4). Batman: The Killing Joke
10 (+1). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
11 (+18). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
12 (+6). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
13 (-6). The Photographer: Into war-torn Afghanistan with Doctors Without Borders
14 (+3). The Complete Persepolis
15 (+25). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
16 (+6). Warriors: Tigerstar and Sasha #3: Return to the Clans
17 (N). No Future For You (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 2)
18 (+2). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
19 (+17). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
20 (+15). Batman: R.I.P.
21 (N). The Art of Harvey Kurtzman: The Mad Genius of Comics
22 (+1). Batman: Year One
23 (-15). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
24 (-5). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
25 (-15). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 3: Century, No. 1: 1910
26 (N). Star Wars: Vector Volume 2 - Chapters 3 & 4
27 (N). Predators and Prey (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Vol. 5) *
28 (+9). The Joker
29 (+19). Serenity, Vol. 1: Those Left Behind
30 (-). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1
31 (N). Empowered, Vol. 5
32 (+2). Starman Omnibus Vol. 3
33 (+5). Halo: Uprising
34 (N). Naruto, Volume 45 *
35 (+4). Bone: One Volume Edition
33 (-8). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
34 (+11). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
35 (+7). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
36 (N). The Complete Peanuts 1971-1974 Box Set *
37 (N). Unmanned (Y: The Last Man, Vol. 1)
38 (N). Green Lantern: Sinestro Corps War, Vol. 2
39 (-7). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
40 (-9). The Sandman Vol. 3: Dream Country
41 (+3). Batman: The Long Halloween
42 (N). The Ultimates Omnibus *
43 (N). Fruits Basket Volume 23 *
44 (N). Blueberry Girl
45 (-2). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
46 (-30). V for Vendetta
47 (N). Punisher Max, Vol. 5
48 (-34). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
49 (-23). American Born Chinese
50 (N). Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Movie Prequel - Alliance


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:

* Earlier in the Week Final Crisis was at #1, but it has since fallen a bit though it still remains at #4.

* Huge surge for Buffy titles this week, with vol. 4 moving ahead of a Wimpy Kid volume, and others taking huge leaps up the chart.

* The good news for Marvel is that a couple of their super-hero books chart this week. The bad news is that their Dark Tower book falls precipitously.

* The Kindle edition of the Maximum Ride manga is very popular. Why that format for that title?

* A new Naruto volume shows up for preorder. Expect it to rise up the charts until it's release in a few weeks.

Body Snatchers

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Eight Dead Pop Stars.

So Jacko is dead. I've done a few Michael Jackson cartoons and posts over the years and I was no kinder to him than any other humorist. I've always felt sorry for him, though, he was obviously a supremely talented kid driven mad by a strange life and family.

Preliminary rumblings are that his death was a result of prescription drug abuse. That stuff will wear on your body and a heart attack is a classic result. As Keith Richards well knows, home-grown drugs are a lot safer than some of the poisons that Big Pharm puts out. (Although there are unsubstantiated reports that Keith Richards has been dead for years and that the copious amounts of drugs in him are only creating the appearance of life.)

More surprising than his death was how much of the news cycle this story has and still is devouring. I personally think that few people short of a figure of national political importance deserves so many hours of non-stop reporting. There was nothing to report in the end, other than that he was famous, he was relatively young, he died. I sympathize with the news anchors who had to stay on the air hour after hour and think of things to say. It must have been excruciating and exhausting.

One person who is undoubtedly happy about this news is Governor Mark Sanford, who's own public insanity has been bumped from the headlines for now.

I was born seven weeks after Michael Jackson in 1958, I can't help but wonder if I'll be dead of a heart attack seven weeks from now. The fact that I have not abused my body for most of my adult life with eating disorders, elective surgery, prescription drugs, and god-knows-what-else will likely work in my favor in this regard. I hope so, anyway.

NOTE: I'm off for a few days to a family reunion and wedding and won't be posting until Tuesday of next week. Have a great weekend, mi amigos.

Captain EO

That's right: Directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

(image courtesy of the Comic Book Database)

Rock the Fro

Bizarro is brought to you today by Rapunzel's Grandson.
I miss the afro. In 1975, when I was up to my eyeballs in high school, afros were the rage for all blacks and the small handful of whites who could pull it off. Having naturally very curly hair, I was one of those lucky crackers who could rock the 'fro.

I remember having a crush on a black girl at school who was a year older (so I had no chance with her) and had a giant afro. She was beautiful and probably had the personality of an angel. I don't know for sure, because the only time I ever spoke to her was when she asked to touch my 'fro, and not much was said.

"Can I touch yo' 'fro?"
(Gulp) "Sure."
"Ooh, it so sof'."

This was a common request for black girls at my school and I was always more than happy to comply. As a kid who was too shy to talk to girls he was attracted to, my hair was like carrying a puppy around and waiting for women to go nuts over it.

Oddly enough, I owed their compulsion to touch my hair on the very thing our school was sworn to combat – racism. At that time, the early seventies, Tulsa was still a very segregated community, with the blacks all living and shopping on the north side of town, and the whites on the south. It was the era of court-ordered busing, and in order to fend off the courts, Tulsa opted for a voluntarily integrated magnet school program. My alma mater, Booker T. Washington High School (GO HORNETS!) was among the first such schools in the country and I was among the first class of whites to attend there when it opened.

I say that I owed my luck with black chicks to racism because the reason they were compelled to touch my hair was because most had never seen a white person with an afro and none had ever touched one. They were amazed at how soft my hair was, African-American hair is typically much drier and more bristly. The term "afro" is short for African, of course, so it was a misnomer to call mine that. I should have called it an "italo," since my Italian heritage gives me the curls, or at the very least a "euro," which was still more than a decade away from being a monetary unit.

My hairline is too compromised to raise a good "italo" now, the most I would get is one of those bushy-on-the-sides, fuzzy on top things like Art Garfunkel used to wear. A "garfo."

So here's to the afro. I'd love it if Obama brought one back to the first head and wore this T-shirt to press conferences.

DISTRESSING NEWS

I just found out that the Kansas City Star is running a comics poll, asking readers which features they should get rid of. That's cool, people do that all the time and I usually fare well. But in this case, they start by saying, here is a list of ten comics we think suck, pick your five least favorite so we can know which ones to kill.

Ouch. How the hell did Bizarro get on a list with B.C., Beetle Bailey, For Better or for Worse, Cathy, Mark Trail, Marmaduke, Real Life Adventures, Shoe, Wizard of Id? I'm really offended by this. Most of these features aren't even written or drawn by the original creators anymore.

Anyway, if you want to put in your 2 cents, one way or the other, here is the link:
http://www.kansascity.com/851/story/1266665.html

I'll let you know how it turns out.

My Ass and Yours

Bizarro is brought to you today by Budget Colonoscopy.

Now that I'm 50, I'm supposed to periodically pay a stranger to probe my rectum with a garden hose. I'm referring to what the strangers in this business call a "colonoscopy," of course. Yes, it can save your life, but yes, it can also give you nightmares for years. Plus, it is expensive.

It would be hard enough to force myself to make this appointment and do all the revolting things necessary to achieve the "end" result, if it were free. (Like eating nothing the day before, drinking sludge to make you poop like a rabid camel for 24 hours, jet propulsion-strength farting and pooping after the garden hose is removed, etc.) But on top of the insult and injury involved, they also insist you pay them large quantities of money.

Since I'm self employed, I have no discount health insurance plan through work, so I'm forced to pay these things out of my own pocket at insurance-company prices, or pay the equivalent of a luxury car payment to an insurance company every month just in case I one day need it. It's legalized extortion.

I'm rooting for Obama's universal health care thingy, but I'm not holding my breath over it. That activity is reserved for hoping I don't have butt cancer. Lifelong vegans virtually never get colon cancer, but I've only been eating that way since 2002. Apparently all the carcasses I consumed for the previous 40+ years can have a residual effect and literally come back to bite me on the ass.

Since this was a fairly dark posting, here is a funny picture to pick you up.

Lip Brush With Fame

On occasion I get mistaken for Elvis Costello by people who don't really know what Elvis Costello looks like. They see glasses and a hat and figure I must be him. But now it will be an even more frequent nuisance, because Elvis is sporting a mustache. Damn that look-stealing limey. What next? A cigar?













He has even fashioned his hairline to look like mine, as evidenced in this photo of him doffing his hat at the end of Conan O'Brien's show last night.















For anyone interested in how to accurately tell the difference between myself and Costello in the wild, I offer this brief list of defining characteristics:

1. His hair is longer and wavy, mine is very short
2. The brims of his hats are larger than mine
3. His clothing is expensive, mine is mostly from resale shops and smells of cigars
4. He has Diana Krawl on his arm, I have CHNW (personally, I think I come out ahead on this one)
5. I am the one occasionally mistaken for Elvis Costello, he is the one never mistaken for me.

How Publishers Discourage You From Buying Single Issues of Their Comics

Exhibit #1: Boom! Studio's Irredeemable: Volume 1 collects issues #1-4 of the series.
* Cost to buy the individual issues (at $3.99 each): $15.96.
* Cost to buy the collection: $9.95
* Your penalty for buying the individual issues: $6.01

Exhibit #2: DC/Vertigo's Madame Xanadu Vol. 1: Disenchanted collects issues #1-10 of the series.
* Cost to buy the individual issues (at $2.99 each): $29.90
* Cost to buy the collection: $12.99
* Your penalty for buying the individual issues: $16.91
(plus there are no ads in the collection!)

When readers know there's going to be a cheaper collection soon after the issues in it are published, why should they shell out the $$$$ for the individual issues?

Father's Day

(How big can you make this cartoon? Click the Wolverine's beer label and find out!)

Bizarro on this day is brang to youse by Power Urination.

Regular readers of this blog will recall that I posted this cartoon a few weeks ago beneath a link, but did not include the caption. (I'd link to that now, but I can't find it.) Anyway, I mentioned in that previous post that I thought it was regrettable that this cartoon would run on Father's Day, when it is about men who are estranged from their families. It was completely unintentional.

My Sunday cartoons are drawn about six weeks ahead, so sometime in mid-March I drew the cartoon, inked it, colored it, got it all ready to submit to King Features, then looked on my calendar to see what date was next. Turned out it was Father's Day but by that time it was too late to replace it with something less pointed.

So I'd like to apologize to any estranged fathers out there who found this cartoon to be painful. I got divorced in the mid-nineties when my daughters were 9 and 14, so I know it can be tough. On the bright side, it probably isn't a tough as being a huge, blue furry guy with a face like a baboon's ass. So count your blessings.

As for my own Father's Day, 2009 – My two daughters called and said, "HFD," I called my dad and said, "HFD," he said it back, then I went to work in my garden. For once, it only rained HALF the day, so it was a rousing success by recent standards and I enjoyed it thoroughly. No decorations, no gifts, no songs written for the occasion, no TV specials, no obligatory parties...my kind of holiday!

Monkey Covers

Sunday is Monkey Covers day here at YACB. Because there's nothing better than a comic with a monkey on the cover!

Monkey reaches the mountain peak way ahead of Bear on Howie Post's cover for The Monkey and the Bear #3 (1954).

(Standard disclaimer about how monkeys shouldn't smoke cigars applies.)


Image courtesy of the GCD. Click on the image for a larger version.

Pedestrians of Note

(For the making of a larger cartoon with the easier reading, click the third toe of the fourth foot from the left.)

Today's Bizarro cartoon is sponsored by Baby Man.

This cartoon was inspired by the ugly building that is going up across the street from Bizarro International Headquarters here in Brooklyn. There used to be a charming, old, three-story red brick warehouse from the late 19th century, but the owner tore it down and is erecting a hideous condo building. If the architecture were at least interesting or tasteful I would not mind so much, but the monstrosity he is erecting will be twice as tall as the old building and utterly odious. A couple of floors are finished, and now that I can see the "style" of the building, I pray for the 50-foot woman to stomp it into dust. Or Godzilla, though he does not have a skirt up which I could look from my vantage point across the street. (Of course, a 50-foot woman probably has an 8-foot "schnootzer," and that might be even more frightening than Godzilla.)

I know the man who owns the land and he is a nice enough guy. But he's one of these people who hasn't an ounce of interest in asthetics. To him, "a building's a building." When a person doesn't even recognize the difference between an ugly building and a beautiful one when it is pointed out and explained, as I once did for him, you don't have much of a chance.

Of course, at this very moment, he may be writing on his blog that he knows a guy who doesn't recognize a huge profit margin even when it is pointed out and explained, and that my investment portfolio is odious.

The obvious difference is that I am not erecting a six-story reminder of my lack of financial skills across the street from his home.

Pursuit of Paradise

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting Made Simple.

Yes, it is a political cartoon I have posted here.
No, I do not feel like getting all political today.

Instead, let's talk about the weather. Here at Bizarro International Headquarters in New York City, it has been raining most of the time for weeks. The entire month of June was shot to hell by rain and colder-than-average temperatures. I feel like I'm trapped in Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude. I really must move to the tropics somewhere. Problem is, they don't have a New York City anywhere down there.

I have tried wishing that the Dutch had built NYC somewhere in the Caribbean, but it doesn't change history and I'm still stuck in colder climes. In the end, it comes down to my deciding what is more important to me: culture or climate?

I lived and traveled in the south for several decades before I moved to NYC, so I have plenty of experience from which to make my decision. Even with the hot, sunny weather I crave, the general cultural and political attitudes of the southern U.S. do not suit me. In fact, at times they depress me as much as the weather in NY, especially now that I have known what it is like to live here, in a liberal, creative, open-minded, international community. And though I adore more exotic places like Central America and the Caribbean, they are too small and rural to quench my desire for the big city.

This makes it an easy decision. Culture is more important than weather, the way personality is more important than looks when choosing a spouse. Though both must be in the right ballpark, a great personality and average looks go much further in a relationship than a beautiful exterior wrapped around a sock puppet. If you can find both, as I have in CHNW, you are doubly blessed. (Just checking to see if she is reading my blogs. I'll let you know in a few days.)

There are two answers to my pathetic, meaningless, spoiled white-collar dilemma: become wealthy enough to have another home in a warmer place where I can spend the winters, find a way to embrace the weather in NYC and stop being a whiny brat.

I think we all know which of those choices is available to me.

FURTHER: I left the West Coast out of this mix because although I like San Francisco as much as NYC, it tends not to be any hotter or sunnier in most ways. I love the weather in L.A., but not the city. San Diego is too conservative, and that's pretty much all the big cities to choose from. Seattle and Vancouver seem cool, but the same weather problems. Such a whiner.

Amazon Top 50

Here are the Top 50 Graphic Novels on Amazon this afternoon. All the previous caveats apply.

1 (-). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
2 (+3). Final Crisis
3 (+1). Watchmen
4 (-1). Diary of a Wimpy Kid
5 (-3). Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
6 (-). Time of Your Life (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 4)
7 (+17). The Photographer: Into war-torn Afghanistan with Doctors Without Borders
8 (+4). Mercy Thompson Homecoming *
9 (+1). Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood
10 (-3). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 3: Century, No. 1: 1910
11 (+3). Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
12 (N). Star Trek: Countdown TPB
13 (-4). Batman: The Killing Joke
14 (-1). Stephen King's Dark Tower: Treachery
15 (N). The Adventures of Johnny Bunko (kindle)
16 (+3). V for Vendetta
17 (+10). The Complete Persepolis
18 (-7). Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History
19 (+3). Batman: Arkham Asylum (15th Anniversary Edition)
20 (+24). Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art
21 (N). Maximum Ride, Vol. 1 Manga (kindle)
22 (-14). Warriors: Tigerstar and Sasha #3: Return to the Clans
23 (+20). Batman: Year One
24 (N). The Arrival
25 (+1). The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes
26 (N). American Born Chinese
27 (N). Final Crisis Companion
28 (+7). The Sandman Vol. 2: The Doll's House
29 (-). Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)
30 (+11). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1
31 (N). The Sandman Vol. 3: Dream Country
32 (-11). The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
33 (-16). Wrapped-Up FoxTrot: A Treasury with the Final Daily Strips
34 (N). Starman Omnibus Vol. 3 *
35 (-10). Batman: R.I.P.
36 (-20). Serenity, Vol. 2: Better Days
37 (N). The Joker
38 (-15). Halo: Uprising
39 (-21). Bone: One Volume Edition
40 (-2). The Long Way Home (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 8, Vol. 1)
41 (+9). Green Lantern Corps: Sins of the Star Sapphire
42 (-9). The Walking Dead Compendium Volume 1
43 (-30). The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb *
44 (N). Batman: The Long Halloween
45 (+2). Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began
46 (N). The Perry Bible Fellowship Almanack
47 (-11). The Adventures of Tintin: Tintin in America / Cigars of the Pharaoh / The Blue Lotus
48 (+1). Serenity, Vol. 1: Those Left Behind
49 (N). The Gunslinger Born (The Dark Tower Graphic Novels, Book 1)
50 (N). Wallace & Gromit: Catch of the Day


Items with asterisks (*) are pre-order items.


Commentary:


* Surprisingly, Final Crisis moves ahead of Watchmen and up into the #2 slot (still can't beat the power of The Wimpy Kid!)

* Last week's biggest gainer, Crumb's Genesis, is this week's biggest loser, as it falls back 30 places. Conversely, The Photographer, which dropped 17 places last week, is up 17 places this week to return to the top ten.

* Star Trek: Countdown, mysteriously absent last week, comes popping back in at #12.

* The highest debut on the list is the kindle edition of Maximum Ride, Vol. 1 Manga. The only 'true' manga on the list this week is also a kindle edition, The Adventures of Johnny Bunko.

Muggers

Bizarro is brought to you today by Mug Shots.

I've never been mugged, but I'm sure it's a harrowing experience that would bother me for a long time. I've been in a couple of impromptu street scuffles in the past five years, just because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it's pretty awful. I didn't get anything more than a fat lip and a few bruises, fortunately, but it is not the sort of activity I'm anxious to get into again. Even though the stories are fun to tell later.

One was when my wife and I were freezing cold and looking for a cab late at night in NYC. We finally got one to stop and a drunk guy jumped into the cab ahead of us after I opened the door. The driver said, "No, I stopped for them." I said, "That's our cab." The drunk guy said, "I don't think so!" and continued to climb in. The only thing left outside the cab was his shin, so I gave it a good hard kick. I was wearing dress shoes, so it must have hurt a lot. He jumped out and came after me, shouting something like, "Did you just kick me, you motherf*cker?!" I took it as a rhetorical question and did not answer. In his inebriated state, I was able to dodge him as he pursued me around in circles. Meanwhile, CHNW jumped into the cab, I followed, and we took off. All's well that ends well.

The other time was in Rome when we were walking with another American couple down a busy shopping street on a sunny, Sunday afternoon. All of us are animal rights folks, so when we passed a fur store, CHNW and the female half of the other couple both spat on the sidewalk in front of it. We didn't know until we had walked another 25 feet down the street that the family that owns the store had seen us. Apparently, spitting in Italy is more serious than here.

Four people rushed out of the store – a couple in their 40s and a couple in their 70s – and we turned to confront them. With words, or so we thought. For a few seconds, the womenfolk were content to shout at each other in their native languages. But suddenly, up to the forefront rushed the 70-year-old man. Think Robert Deniro in Raging Bull, with white hair. Without warning, he punched our friend's wife right in the jaw and knocked her down. Unpleasantness ensued, including punching, kicking, scratching and screaming.

Fortunately, passersby pulled us apart after a couple of minutes and we all went our separate ways. None of our attackers spoke English, none of us spoke Italian, so we can only assume we were fighting about the same thing.

Before we spit on the sidewalk in front of any more Italian-owned fur stores, CHNW and I are going to take one of these self defense courses.

These are completely unexaggerated, true stories, by the way.

Trials of the Extra Terrestrial

Bizarro is brought to you today by Invasion of the Coffee Tables.
I've used the Bizarro alien icon in cartoons as more than just a "hidden picture" before, but I think this is the first time he has been the subject of the joke. For anyone keeping a detailed scrapbook of every minute detail of my career, flag this page with a Post-it note and a star! Then see a counselor about seeking a more worthwhile pastime.

It is interesting that we nearly always imagine aliens to be about our size or, if they are evil, much bigger. But I can't recall ever seeing a story about tiny aliens. I'm sure there are some and sci-fi afficianados who see this post will leave some examples in the comments section, but it certainly isn't common in film or TV. I did a cartoon a long time ago about a race of extra-terrestials who were the size and shape of golf balls and were terrified by our species' treatment of them.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote a novel years ago in which the Chinese had conquered the world by developing a way to shrink themselves to microscopic size. While the rest of the world was in ruins as people fought over scarce resources, the Chinese had virtually unlimited resources because they consumed so little and their enemies could no longer even see them. This has nothing to do with this cartoon, but I thought it was a brilliant idea and wanted to tell you about it. (Yes, science geeks, I know there are holes in this plot as this would drastically increase the number of other predators they would encounter, but let's put that aside for now.)

If extra terrestrials that were the size of, say, birds visited our planet and were not well-armed with more advanced weapons than ours, we would subjugate them and eat them, of course, as we do to everything else we can dominate. There are some people who will eat anything with a pulse and claim it is delicious, so it probably wouldn't even matter what they tasted like.

There have been many stories of aliens that are more powerful than we that want to eat us, of course. I enjoy these kinds of stories as I hope that people will see the obvious parallel to how we treat our fellow beings on this planet, but that never happens. Unless a Planet of the Apes scenario actually takes place, I'm certain it never will.

I hate to end on a serious note, so let's all have a look at this, from Night Deposits, a random blog from my buddy, J. C. Duffy.

Yotsuba&! Design Awesomeness

Imagine my surprise this morning when I'm walking past the new unbound journal racks in the library and I see this staring back at me from the bottom shelf:



It's the latest issue (#334, May 2009) of the Japanese journal Idea: International Graphic Art and Typography. This special issue is almost entirely devoted to "Designs for Manga, Anime & Light Novels," nearly 200 pages worth. The first 24-page section is entirely devoted to one of my all-time favorite manga, Yotsuba&!, with design examples of tankōbon, calendars, CDs, toys, and promotional materials. Here's a sample page:



The text is almost entirely in Japanese so I can't read any of the commentary, but I could easily spend hours just looking at the pictures.

As a bonus, this issue comes with a 28-page mini-comic full of experimental manga bizarreness. Here's a sample 2-page spread:



(I apologize for the quality of the scans; the scanner I had access to in the library wasn't the greatest. The color in the originals is much more vibrant.)

New Library Comics: May 2009

And here are the new comics that we added to the library's collection in May:


Allred, Mike (Mike Dalton) Madman atomic comics vol. 2 / Berkeley, CA : Image Comics, c2008-

Avery, Chayne. Boy meets hero / Berlin : Gmünder, c2008.

Bell, Gabrielle. Cecil & Jordan in New York : stories / Montreal, Quebec : Drawn & Quarterly ; New York, NY : Distributed in the USA and abroad by Farrar, Straus and Giroux, c2009.

Brainard, Joe, 1942-1994. The Nancy book / Los Angeles : Siglio Press, 2008.

Claremont, Chris, 1950- New Mutants classic vol. 4 / New York : Marvel, 2006.

Del Carmen, Ronnie. And there you are / [Emeryville, Calif.] : Paper Biscuit Industries, 2009.

Di Liddo, Annalisa, 1977- Alan Moore : comics as performance, fiction as scalpel / Jackson : University Press of Mississippi, c2009.

Eerie. Eerie archives vol. 1 / Milwaukie, Or. : Dark Horse, 2009.

Ellis, Warren. Transmetropolitan 1. Back on the street / New York : DC Comics, c2009-

Erotic comics. 2 . A graphic history from the liberated ’70’s to the internet / New York, NY : Abrams, 2009

Folman, Ari. Waltz with Bashir : a Lebanon war story / New York : Metropolitan Books, 2009.

Geary, Rick. The adventures of Blanche / Milwaukie, Or. : Dark Horse, 2009.

Hornschemeier, Paul, 1977- Mother come home / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2009.

Humbug / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2009.

Kirby, Jack. Jack Kirby's The losers / New York : DC Comics, 2009.

Kovac, Tommy. Stitch / San Jose, Calif. : SLG, 2009.

Kubert, Joe, 1926- Tor : a prehistoric odyssey / New York, NY : DC Comics, c2009.

Laird, Roland Owen. Still I rise : a graphic history of African Americans / New York : Sterling Pub. Co., 2009.

Lee, Stan. The Fantastic Four vol. 1 / New York : Marvel, 2009-

Mack, David. Kabuki v. 7. The alchemy / Fullerton, CA : Image Comics, c1997-

Marder, Larry. Beanworld bk. 1. Wahoolazuma! / Milwaukie, OR : Dark Horse Books, 2009-

McKeever, Ted. Metropol / Berkeley, Calif. : Image ; London : Diamond [distributor], 2009.

Messner-Loebs, William. Journey : the adventures of Wolverine MacAlistaire vol. 1 / San Diego, Calif. : IDW Publishing, 2008-2009.

Millionaire, Tony. Drinky Crow's Maakies treasury / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, c2009.

Mome. vol. 14 Spring 2009. / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2005-

Mori, Kaoru, 1978- Emma vol. 8 / La Jolla, CA : WildStorm Productions, 2006-

Naifeh, Ted. Courtney Crumrin's monstrous holiday / Portland, OR : Oni Press, Inc., 2009.

Nakazawa, Keiji. Barefoot Gen : a cartoon story of Hiroshima v.7. Bones into dust / San Francisco, Calif. : Last Gasp of San Francisco, 2004-

Nakazawa, Keiji. Barefoot Gen : a cartoon story of Hiroshima v.8. Merchants of death / San Francisco, Calif. : Last Gasp of San Francisco, 2004-

O'Malley, Bryan Lee. Scott Pilgrim v. 3. Scott Pilgrim & the infinite sadness / Portland, OR : Oni Press, 2004-

O'Malley, Bryan Lee. Scott Pilgrim v. 4. Scott Pilgrim gets it together / Portland, OR : Oni Press, 2004-

O'Malley, Bryan Lee. Scott Pilgrim v. 5. Scott Pilgrim vs. the universe / Portland, OR : Oni Press, 2004-

Pekar, Harvey. The beats : a graphic history / New York : Hill and Wang, 2009.

Popgun vol. 3 / Berkeley, Calif. : Image Comics, 2007-

Regnaud, Jean. My mommy is in America and she met Buffalo Bill / [Spain] : Ponent Mon ; [England] : Fanfare, c2007.

Rogers, Boody Gordon. Boody : the bizarre comics of Boody Rogers / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2009.

Schulz, Charles M. (Charles Monroe), 1922-2000. The complete Peanuts [v. 11] 1971-1972 / Seattle, WA : Fantagraphics Books, c2004-

Soule, Charles. Strongman / San Jose, CA : SLG Publishing, 2009.

Supermen! : the first wave of comic-book heroes 1936-1941 / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2009.

Tatsumi, Yoshihiro, 1935- A drifting life / Montréal, Quebec : Drawn and Quarterly, 2009.

Tezuka, Osamu, 1928-1989. Black Jack vol. 3 / New York : Vertical, c2008-

Tezuka, Osamu, 1928-1989. Black Jack vol. 4 / New York : Vertical, c2008-

Tobe, Keiko. With the light : raising an autistic child vol. 4 / New York : Yen Press, 2007-

Trondheim, Lewis. Little nothings 2. The prisoner syndrome / New York : NBM, 2008-

Urasawa, Naoki, 1960- Pluto : Urasawa x Tezuka vol. 2 / San Francisco, CA : VIZ Media, c2008-

Usui, Yoshito, 1958- Crayon Shinchan vol. 7 / La Jolla, CA : CMX, c2008-

Vähämäki, Amanda. The bun field / Montréal : Drawn &Quarterly, 2009.

Walker, Mort. Sam's strip : the comic about comics / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2009.

Watchmen and philosophy : a Rorschach test / Hoboken, N.J. : John Wiley & Sons, c2009.

Wolverton, Basil, d. 1978. The Wolverton bible : the Old Testament & Book of Revelation through the pen of Basil Wolverton / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics ; New York : Distributed in the U.S. by W.W. Norton, c2009.

World war three illustrated. no. 39 / N.Y.C. : S. Tobocman, P. Kuper, C. Kohlhofer, 1980-

Yuri monogatari vol. 6 / [United States] : ALC, c2004-



As always, this listing is available as an RSS Feed.

A Lot of Bull

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Skaters In Love.

The basic concept for this cartoon came from my young protege, Victor, who has been sending me ideas since he was about 14. He's got some great ideas, especially for his age, and I've drawn a dozen-or-so of them in the past five years or whatever. I forgot how old Victor is now.

I like cartoons that lead you to think through the punch line and this is one of those. Of course, you have to have heard the expression, "like a bull in a china shop," to get the joke, but I think people still say that, don't they?

I often wonder where expressions like this come from. Who first thought of placing a bull in a china shop to illustrate destructive clumsiness? Did someone say it in a pub in Llanidloes, Wales in the 17th century and it spread slowly by word of mouth from there? Or was the expression published somewhere and catch on more quickly? There's probably a web site that explains it, but who's got the time to dig that up right now? Not I.

For the record, I think bullfighting is the most heinous and barbaric of sports still being practiced in the civilized world. Parts of Spain are finally outlawing it, and it's about time. Others are decrying the loss of a "tradition." Slavery, rape, pillaging, and throwing virgins into volcanoes are traditional human activities, too, but I'm not shedding any tears over their loss. Not that they are completely gone, but at least we're not still televising them or featuring these activities in the travel section of the Sunday paper.

As you might surmise, I root for the bull.

Party Story

I went to a terrific party last night at the Bowery Hotel in NYC. It was a record release party for Rhett Miller's latest solo album. Rhett is the lead singer/songwriter for Old 97s, one of my fave groups, and his solo albums are just as good.
















We met a few years ago after one of his shows and discovered we'd been fans of each other's work for years. We've been friends ever since. Rhett is much taller than I, but he tactfully knelt down beside me for this photo.














Here we are with Rhett's dentist, Rich Weiss. He's a fun dude, as you can tell from the pic. He reports that although people regularly tell him that dentists have a very high suicide rate, he feels no such inclinations.

Also in attendance was one of my favorite comedians, Paul F. Tompkins. He's a very friendly fellow who spent a good long while chatting with me, assuring me he was familiar with my cartoons and never letting on for a second that he wished I would go away. A real mensch.














I gave him my contact info, if I never hear from him, I'll know he is also a good pretender.

Paul arrived with his lovely fiance, Janey ( Janie? Janee? Jay-knee? I didn't ask her how she spells it) and his talented comedian friend, Todd Barry, seen here in the background.














Todd was nice, too, although I spent more time talking to Paul and didn't get a picture with Todd. I felt bad because he was in "The Wrestler" and I haven't seen that movie yet. He's also been in a couple of episodes of "Flight of the Conchords," one of my favorite shows in the world of television and which makes me very jealous of him. Afraid that the jealously would show and possibly lead to a donnybrook, I steered clear of Todd for the most part.

Janeane Garafalo joined us a for a couple of hours, whom CHNW and I know from the benefit comedy shows she's done with us for Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. She's a peach, and a brilliant and funny one, at that.

Toward the end of the evening, Rhett played some of his new songs and everyone was richer for the experience. After the official party was over, CHNW and I avoided the "after party" and went home, because I've been sick with some kind of hideous head cold. If the aforementioned celebs get sick in the coming week or so, you'll know it was my fault. I warned them to wash their hands and not to kiss me, but celebrities never listen.

Rolling Stone gave Rhett's new album 4 stars, buy it now.

New Library Comics: April 2009

Realized that with all the hubbub kicking off Free Comic Book Month in May, I forgot to post April's new library comics list. So here it is, better late than never!:


Bastion comix. Especial otoño 2004 / Buenos Aires : Gargola Ediciones, c2004-c200

Baumann, Suzanne. Baumann's marginalia. / Hamtramck, MI : Suzanne E. Baumann, c1995

Baumann, Suzanne. Serious workout / Hamtramck, Mich. : Suzanne Baumann, c[20]02

Brothers in arms : Hell's highway. no. 1 / San Francisco, CA : Ubisoft, Inc./Gearbox Software, c2008.

Brunetti, Ivan. Ho! : the morally questionable cartoons of Ivan Brunetti. / Seattle, Wash. : Fantagraphics, 2009

Crabb, Cindy. Doris : an anthology of Doris zines from 1991-2001 / Portland, Ore. : Microcosm Pub., 2005.

Echolot / Berlin : Reprodukt, 2001.

Gray, Harold, 1894-1968. The complete Little Orphan Annie vol. 1 / San Diego, Calif. : IDW Pub., 2008-

Haas, Luke. Comics in, aus und über Luxemburg : leicht erweitert auf Illus und Cartoons / Esch-sur-Alzette : Schortgen, 2007

Hale, Shannon. Rapunzel's revenge / New York, N.Y. : Bloomsbury, 2008.

Hommer, Sascha. Im Museum : die Treppe zum Himmel / Berlin : Reprodukt, 2008.

K., Ulf. Der Exlibris / Berlin : Reprodukt, 2000.

Kleist, Reinhard, 1970- Cash : I see a darkness / Hamburg : Carlsen, 2006.

König, Ralf. aut Prototyp / Reinbek bei Hamburg : Rowohlt, 2008.

Mawil. Action Sorgenkind / Berlin : Reprodukt, 2007.

Pryzm. Chapter one, The dark unicorn / Calabasas, CA : Mediactive, c2002

Sasakura, Kou. Castlevania : curse of darkness vol. 1 / Los Angeles, CA : Tokyopop, 2008-

Scheel, Ulrich. Die sechs Schüsse von Philadelphia / Berlin : Avant-Verlag, 2008.

Stories of our people = Lii zistwayr di la naasyoon di Michif : a Métis graphic novel anthology / Saskatoon : Gabriel Dumont Institute, c2008

Sturm, James, 1965- Adventures in cartooning / New York : First Second, 2009.

Warcraft : Legends vol. 1 / Los Angeles, CA : Tokyopop, c2008-


As always, this listing is available as an RSS Feed.

Chase Me Out to the Ballgame

Bizarro is made possible by a grant from the Tossing Dirt on the Reaper Foundation.

Since I'm a groovy hip artsy type, people are often surprised to hear I'm a sports fan. Sorry if you are disappointed, not all sports fans are numskull beerbelly boobs like Joe the Plumber. In fact, the dude who lives across the street from me here at Bizarro International Headquarters is a college professor of some high-minded socialogical something-or-other, and he's an even bigger sports fan than am I.

I have always been athletic, I have good genes for that in all ways but size. So I played a lot of sports as a kid and learned to love it, but as I got into middle and high school, I was not behemoth enough to leave the bench in my various coaches' opinions, so I stopped trying out for the school teams. Additionally, I began to come into my own as a groovy hip artsy type and many of the other athletes began to come into their own as frankensteinian meatheads who cared about little more than sports. So we parted ways.

Though I love to watch sports, hockey is my favorite with American football a firm second, I loathe to watch a single athlete or coach being interviewed. I love the entertainment value of watching physically skilled humans exhibit amazing feats of athletic prowess, but when it comes to what's between their ears, I am always bored stiff. I have no doubt that some professional athletes are bright and creative, I just don't have the patience to wade through all of the "Joe Sixpack" simpletons to find them.

It is remarkeable how far we've come as a society, however. Just a couple of hundred years ago mobs of torch-bearing villagers hunted down mutants and murdered them out of fear. Now we dress them up in flashy jerseys and award them with multi-million dollar paychecks for slamming into others of their kind. It makes a human proud.

DISCLAIMER: Not all athletes or sports fans are idiots, maybe not even most. I said that above, so let it go. But let's face it, a lot of them are.
My pride in how far our society has come is largely facetious, as we still hunt down women's healthcare providers, homosexuals, atheists, etc. We have replaced torch-bearing mobs with Fox News, but you can't really call that progress.

Tiki Tock, Tiki Tock

(Click dat Tiki, mon, n mek it large.)

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by INSANE Fun!!!

A while back my friend and very talented colleague, Wayno of Pittsburgh (current home of the Stanley Cup!), offered me a few gags, which I snapped up like a UFO at a hillbilly convention. This tiki one, I believe, is my favorite. I love both the imagery of a bar full of tiki heads and the double entendre.

When I was in my twenties, a good friend of mine and I went to Mexico City. After dinner one evening, we saw a kitschy-looking bar with photos of burlesque dancers out front and decided to pop in for the show. We were early and got a table close to the front. As we drank our beers and waited for the show to start, other patrons filled the club. Something about one of them didn't seem quite right, so I looked around at the others in the room and realized that every person dressed like a woman was a man in drag. I whispered to my friend, "Dude, this is a transvestite bar." We had a quiet laugh, finished our beers and left. Being horny young heteros in our twenties, neither of us really wanted to stay for the show.

Recently, my friend Cliff and I were looking for a quiet pub in which to discuss our book project and came across a suitable candidate. We sidled up to the bar and ordered a couple of beers. After talking for a few minutes, we both noticed at about the same time that we were in a lesbian bar. We laughed it off and stayed for another beer. Most of the local gals were fine with us being there, but one gave us a little trouble and threatened to rough us up. When I began crying and Cliff fainted, she backed down. I think she just wanted to prove that she was more of a man than either of us. She could have just asked.

The Wonderful Wayno is having an art show in soon. You should go look at it with your eyes, put your hand in his and shake gently. As an added bonus, if you tell him you found out about the show on this blog, he'll give you a buttocks massage you'll never forget!

Speaking of Talk

Bizarro is brought to you today by Yummy Babies.

I love this gag, it's simple, dark and unexpected. I originally used this line in comedy shows by saying, "My wife and I just had a baby yesterday." (the audience invariably applauds) "Yeah, we had a baby boy, and it was really strange because we're vegan and we don't normally eat meat." (The audience is grossed out as they realize what I'm talking about.) "His mother was all, (weepy sounding)'he was such a good boy!' and we were like, 'eh, he really wasn't that good.'"

I'm not saying it was a great routine and it tended to leave half the audience confused and the other half disgusted, but I enjoyed it. As a person who doesn't distinguis between the suffering of humans and non-human animals, it was a bit of an activist joke, too. Every animal any of us have ever eaten was terrified when it died, and mourned by those who knew him/her.

Elsewhere in the news, I think Conan's residency at The Tonight Show has been good. He's got the best writers in talk show TV, for sure. A NY friend of mine who used to write for The Daily Show was hired by Conan and moved out to L.A. Now that I have an "in" at The Tonight Show, my friend assures me that I can definitely be a guest on the show. All I have to do is become a huge celebrity of some sort, preferably in TV or film.

Here's a kooky idea: How about if every person who reads this blog writes to The Tonight Show and threatens suicide if they don't book me as a guest? C'mon, it would be fun! If it works, get me on the same show as Natalie Portman. I have a huge crush on her. Brilliant, gorgeous, and vegan – what's not to like?

Fish Sperm, Education, Love

Bizarro is brought to you today by Our Amazing Oceans.

I often draw cartoons that require a fifth grade education or better to understand, and this is such a cartoon. I fully realize that when I do this, I leave out probably more than half the readers out there, not that my readers are younger than 11 years old, but that most people in the U.S. seem relatively uneducated. Ever see Jay Leno's "Jaywalking" routine where he asks simple questions of people on the street? It sends chills down your spine.

I've known many people with a college degree who couldn't find their way through the first round of Jeopardy with a single correct answer. I'm not talking about any of you who read this blog, of course, but it is alarming how many so-called "educated" Americans can't name the countries that border us or tell you who wrote Hamlet. Sad and scary. We're ripe for being taken over by a less lazy culture. Speak Chinese, anyone?

I like this cartoon because it depicts the unreasonable demands we sometimes put on our spouses. Female fish poop out eggs all over the place, then some male comes along and squirts his magic man juice all over them, they both have a cigarette, get dressed, and go home without so much as exchanging phone numbers and never see the babies again.

Long term monogamous relationships between humans become so prickly, even under the best of circumstances, it is easy to see why many people choose the fish method. Hopefully with the proper contraception so they leave the diseases and children out of the equation. That's never been my style, I'm a serial monogamist, but I can't fault in those who never hook up long term.

It's a lot of work and sometimes maddening. But often sublime, too.